Boys and Sand

It is starting to warm up outside it has been nice so far. This means two things: we have been hitting the park a lot more, and I got my first sunburn for the season. We go to Draper park, and there is the giant sandbox-possibly for sand volleyball? Yes, that would make the most sense. We moseyed over, and I was well aware that once we got to the sand I was in it for a the long hall. Kaj and I joined Josh and adopted the barefoot look. I have to admit there is something about being barefoot in the sand, it doesn't even have to be the sand that has a view of the ocean (which, let's be honest is the best kind), it apparently can also be a giant sandbox in the middle of a park that can do that trick. It is just nice to sink your feet into. I sat with my boys, as they dug their fingers, their faces straight into the dirt, and tried burying everything from shoes to themselves in it, and laughed. Boys. Ha! 

There has been so much going on lately, and probably even more in my head and my heart. So much that it is hard to unravel each thought. So this time...I won't try. 

But the facts are: Sam has 5 weeks left! Meaning 1 rotation left!- I am so excited! And, I know he is too. It has been hard work, and if  I can give myself some credit, for both of us. 

I have been working 2 jobs to alleviate stresses, but it turns out I don't like to be treated like garbage especially if it is in front of lots of people (ha!) and so I am down to one job as of...today.

I am very very grateful for my parents. They are kind and they are loving. And, they have opened their lives and home to us. My mom reminds me that she has really enjoyed having us there- which has been a loving reminder, and usually come at time where I start to wonder how in the way we must be.

I love my boys. I love all 3 of them. I love Kaj and Josh and the happiness they bring with just a smile. They truly do have my heart. I know that these are the people who will love me, and know that I am doing my best.

I try to be better every day. Sometimes it doesn't work. But, every once in a while at the end of the day you can give yourself a small pat on the back, because you really do feel like you were a better you. Those are good feeling days.

I love having a personal relationship with Heavenly Father. I love that I can talk to Him, and cry to Him, and know He knows me so well, and He knows best how to comfort me. A small tender mercy in just that. 

Fly Away

 Sometimes I try to think about or try to remember what it was like to be a kid, to have the worries of a kid. What toy should come with me to the store? Should I get stories read to me, or should I just look at the pictures? It's a very beautiful thing. There was a moment in the day where I was sad, sad enough to be crying, mostly for the non kid worries- and before I brought my kids in from the car I looked at Kaj and smiled at him tearfully, and was relieved he didn't notice. Kaj usually will tell me when any child is crying anywhere we go if there is, in fact, a child crying. I guess he doesn't notice unless it is loud wailing cries- which I was not doing. ha! I started thinking about the lesson in relief society on Sunday,  wondering at what point do you apologize for who you are. It is a miracle that I was able to gain anything from it considering I was probably in the room for a total of 20 minutes, and interrupted, because I spent most of it out in the hall with Joshy. The topic was gifts of spirit, well, that's the part I got from it. We talked about what it was to have the gift of charity, and to pray for that gift, that it isn't enough to say "this is just in my nature, and I can't change who I am." Hence my question to myself.
So, needless to say after Sunday I have prayed every night for the spirit of charity. It has taken me awhile to learn that charity doesn't just mean being charitable, it encompasses so much more. "Charity suffereth long.." so has patience, when that was said Sunday I was like: "yeah, I could use some more of that!" Decision made: charity it is! Haha! I won't quote the scripture I am thinking of word for word (it's Moroni 7:45) but, if I could truly possess all that is the spirit of charity, I feel like there would be happiness all around. I really want to strive more fully to uplift people around me. I am grateful that I was able to catch the message that perhaps, I was supposed to hear on Sunday.