I have debated for a couple weeks now to write this event down. It was one for the books, that is for certain, and that is why I have decided to document it in our family books. It is hard to believe that the fun, adorable, spunky, little Joshy flipped a switch on me this day, and put the wheels in motion for an epically bad mom day. Mom's know what I am talking about.
One Wednesday afternoon, I met up with a few friends at a skate park, that we usually don't go to, we went for my friend's older boys, and of course, my boys never mind a change of scenery going to a different park. At this park there was a skate area, a park near by, and then about a 10 minute walk there was another skating area. My 3 girlfriends, and 12 kids in tow walked down to the lower skate park. The older boys rode around, my boys enjoyed the walk, and were very impressed with riding on the different ramps, and slides and the tricks you could do. Kaj turned and asked, "Can we ride on this too?" I told him we had left our bikes in the car, but we could get them out when we got back up to the park. I will be honest, I hoped that when we got back up to the park the boys would be satisfied just riding around that area, and we wouldn't have to walk back down. Well, we finally got back up to the park, and Kaj began asking if we could go back down to skating area. I didn't want to disappoint him, and I had told him that we could do this, so I told the girls I was just going to go down for a bit, and let them try it out. I realized they were too little to want to stay too long anyway. So, with Rowan in the jogger, and the other boys on their bikes we walked down. I took the boys to the far side of the skate park, it was less crowded, and they wouldn't be in the way of the older boys, and they could try out some of the slides that were less scary...for me. Kaj was surprisingly really brave, and really good at it- I have to say. He would walk his bike to almost the top, and it would have been the top had I not said it was scaring me, and he rode down-no problem. Josh who wants to try and do everything Kaj does tried also. He is not nearly as skilled on his little bike just on level ground let alone these steep hills of concrete, so I wouldn't let him go as high as Kaj had, and each time Josh went down I was there to catch him, which I had to do, several times. "Thanks, mama." He would tell me. This scene would have been delightful, but it did not take long for Rowan to start crying. Not just soothable, "I'm just having a moment" crying, it was the "I am ticked" crying, and the kind where as a mom I just want to put out that fire, so I told the boys we needed to go. "Why?" Kaj asked, I asked them to please notice Rowan is crying, and we had to go, "Can we come here next week?" Kaj asked. I agreed...at the time. I noticed Josh needed help getting his bike over the ledge to get back on the pathway up to the park, so I hurried over took the bike, and lifted it over, and this is what started the meltdown. He was not ok that I had done that. This is when he began the classic 2 year old tantrum, he
wanted his bike, and he
did not want his bike at the
same time. Rowan still bawling, I told Josh we had to go, Kaj came with me when I asked. Josh sat on the floor, next to his bike, and threw a fit, of course, I hoped he would follow, of course he did not. Still within earshot, and eye shot, I turned around to try to get Josh to walk with us again, a kid had sat down next to him, seeing if he was alright. The kid was probably 12, I thanked him as I approached. "What's wrong with him?" he asked me. "Just throwing a tantrum." I told him, and as he rode away on his scooter I could hear him say, "That's really messed up." I shook my head,
like he knows what this is like. So I walked towards the path again, and again Josh sat there. Rowan had not stopped crying, I was becoming a spectacle at this point with my audience being about 15 or so-12 to 16 year old boys. I told Kaj to stay with Rowan, and I walked over to Josh picked him up, picked up his bike. I marched back over to my other kids, with a screaming Josh, and realized his shoe had fallen off, of course it did. I then tried quickly to get Rowan to calm down, and told Josh he needed to get his shoe. No. I took Josh with me, went over, put his shoe back on, and picked him back, and back over to Kaj and screaming Rowan. Now, just trying to get the heck out of there, carrying Josh under one arm, I put the bike on top to the jogger, the jogger tips over backward, Rowan begins crying more--I can't blame him for that--trying to calm my now even louder screaming baby I notice a kid staring at me, "I don't need an audience." I told him. If it is not portrayed clearly enough at this point, I was maxed out, I was beyond frustrated. Two kids crying, I quickly walk away carrying Josh in one arm, the bike in the other, and pushing the jogger. I didn't get far before I realized Josh's flip flip had fallen off again, this time I told Kaj to please go get Josh's shoe. I wait for Kaj to catch up, and walk, this when I start to hear my audience of boys starting to yell things at me, I will be honest, I did not hear most of it with everything crashing down at once, I just heard things like, "bad mom" sprinkled throughout everything they were saying. Embarrassed and mad I yelled back, I didn't swear, all I said was, "You have no idea how hard this is! Try it! You have no idea!" And, because I am still carrying all my screaming children, I can't even walk away boldly with dignity, knowing I stood up for myself.
I had just gotten past view of the arena of the skate park, and I sat down, and burst into tears. I could not even believe what had just occurred. Kaj, seeing how sad I was burst into tears himself. He had, up to this point, been the glue to hold the scene together. He had done everything I had asked him to, without me having to ask twice. Now, this is the awesome view- 3 little boys bawling, and a mom crying sitting on the ground head in her hands. I had to remind myself quickly, I am the mom, I have to pull myself together, and I grabbed Kaj's hand and asked him, why he was crying. He said, "Why are you sad?" I told him those boys had said some mean things, and had said I am a bad mom. With tears in his eyes, still shaking, he just said, "I hate them." Now, he knows we don't say hate, and we don't talk like that, but in this moment, yeah I let it slide. This is when 3 of the older boys came over, and said, "I'm sorry, that kid doesn't know what he is talking about. He shouldn't have said that. He doesn't know how hard it is." And I looked up these apologetic faces, and just said, "Thank you. No you don't know." And they agreed again, "I know, we don't know how hard it is." The older of the boys then asked, "Is there anyone that can help you?" I just told them I had friends up at the park. "Thanks. You are good kids." I told them. I tried to gather myself together again, turning to Josh this time, who has been crying this whole time, to please please, just walk with me. But, he is still 2 and half, and he still doesn't understand how much I need him to do this. Then a few more of the boys have walked over one of them with obvious tears on his face, telling me he is sorry, and he doesn't know how hard it is. I forgive him, and thank them, and begin my trek up to the park, again. Josh is still crying, and lagging behind, Kaj is determined to get us help at this point, and says, "I'm going to go tell Alicia you're sad." I tell him not to worry, but as I realize Josh is still not going to listen when Kaj insists again, I tell him, "yes, go find Alicia." I am still crying as I walk, and Kaj begins telling me, "Mom, you are a good mom. You do a lot of things for us. You make breakfast for us, you make dinner for us." This made me realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing kid to stick with me, and then to try to make me feel better. A lifetime later we got back up to the park, and I just cried, and told the girls very briefly what had happened, but turned to Kaj and said, "Can we please just go home." Truly, I couldn't take it if he were to argue about staying, and he thought a moment, and said, "Yeah, mom. We can. It will be alright."Alicia walked me to the car because I was still crying and helped me with the boys as Kaj continued to explain other reasons why I was a good mom, "You make us pancakes, you are a princess mom, you do a lot of things for us." I gave Kaj hugs, and thanked him again, and again for everything he had said and done.
"Mom, I saved you." With different tears now turning from sadness to joy that quickly, I agreed, "You did."
So, this day was an epic one, it ended a lot better than it could have, still it hurts to remember the embarrassment, and the sting of the words, but these young boys also realized the hurtfulness, and perhaps realized they had no room to say anything at all, but at the end of the day, Kaj really did come to my rescue. He was my little hero that day, I am so happy to have him for my little boy.
