My Ojos

I feel like I have so much to say right now. Even like I have profound things to say, and yet...I have nothing 😂 I don't know what that really means. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I am proud of my kids and who they are and who they are becoming. I am frustrated with myself anytime I lose my temper at them. I feel guilty if I am not the parent they need me to be to each of them and any given time. 

Kaj is doing Oregon Family School- have I mentioned this? He is home during the week with a curriculum that I have selected for him, and he has one day a week that he goes. This is working for him. He has decided this is what he would like to do next year. He lost friends for unknown reasons at the middle school just before Christmas break. The day before going back he said he wanted to do OFS. So, I sent him to school while figuring everything out, and by the next day he was unenrolled from the middle school and enrolled in OFS. The day I wondered if I was doing the right thing, and a little panicky because it was all going so fast. The thought did cross my mind " Will any one even miss Kaj if he leaves?" The answer if it was "no" was enough for me to say good riddance to the school. Kaj has been happy. He has made friends. He is motivated to get all his work done, and he is enjoying school on the day he goes. Kaj said he wanted a girlfriend the other day. I must love him because I found myself giving advice on how one should try getting a girlfriend. He has a crush in mind, but we will see about that. 

I should add because it is rather life changing- I got my lasik surgery done! It has been a long time coming and I honestly could have easily been talking out of it because I was so scared. I had get a negative Covid test before and I decided if it happened to be positive I couldn't go through all of it again for at least another year. Only because of my spiraling tendencies. You know - the rabbit hole that you would be the one case that it hurts so bad, and your flaps would move, and you would end up blind- those tendencies. 

My mom came in the day before my surgery.. it was a great, fun day and I just thought if I don't end up getting the surgery I could just have fun hanging out with my mom. Sam and I headed to Portland in the morning. We had to stop many many more times than normal because my nervous bladder, which continued when we got there. We were about 45 minutes early and Sam did ask me, "so...why are we here this early?" Just incase. They let you have a valium beforehand and even let it kick in. Which I could tell 10 minutes after taking it, it was working. I felt cool as a cucumber. I also felt a very strong desire to hold everyone's hand who was helping me. ( not to worry - I did not do that- but I did sidle up very close to all people and just about held hands, resisted the urge, but still stood right beside them like we were best friends) The first guy who talked to me and explained everything before bringing me back to the room and the girl walking me out afterward were my best friends. The doctor I wanted to hug him, but I was already in my special suction chair. Each laser was 12 seconds. It crazy to think that your vision life would change within that slight timeframe. They told me it would feel like chili peppers in my eyes afterward and that is exactly what it felt like.  They told me to sleep for 2-4 hours so I went back to the hotel and was thinking I don't think I will actually fall asleep with these chili peppers in my eyes. I did. They said when you wake up the peppers will be gone. I woke 4 hours on the dot with no more chili peppers and voila! That was it in a nutshell. 

There are more stories to share. Sam got called as bishop. I will talk about that later. 😏