These lovely wintery pictures don't accurately say that this is the last day of school, and we are officially into the summer. Rowan is very happy about this. I have had mixed feelings about this school year for Rowan. He hasn't seemed to enjoy the year very much for reasons I can only guess.
Rowan became a bit of a mystery this year. He seemed to clam up, he doesn't seem to be fully himself. He is probably starting the long road of trying to figure the answer to that question of who he is. He decided this year that friends were not important. He wants only his family to be his friends, which I am more than happy to hear that, but hearing that feels lonely to me..
Rowan and I talking about friends/friendships:
Rowan: I just don't want any friends
Me: Oh ok, well you are always going to be around other people, so maybe just try and be friendly
Rowan: (getting slightly annoyed) Well, ok, but I just don't want friends
Me: What have you been doing at recess?
Rowan: I just walk around by myself
Me: ( keeping in tears) Oh, well that seems kind of lonely
Rowan: I like to be lonely
Me: Oh ok. Why?
Rowan: I am calm. And I don't have issues with anyone
I don't know if these means he has had conflicts with other kids. I knew of one time where during a game at recess a kid was targeting Rowan to get him out
I know that when I went to a school event this week and saw some interactions with some kids and Rowan I really didn't like it. I mean-REALLY
Many of the kids bossed him around, made him take the blame for things going wrong in the game, and didn't speak to him very nicely.
I wouldn't like the school year much either if that is what he was experiencing.
Rowan added: But, I did talk with Forrest the last couple days
Me: Oh, good. Well, are you happy about that?
Rowan: Uh.. yeah. I like talking to Forrest.
Forrest is a member of our ward's son who is home from college for the summer so he worked at the school the last couple weeks before school was out. He is the nicest, happiest kid and the boys love him. I can't explain how thankful I am for him and him taking time for Rowan.
Spiritual Conversations with Rowan
Rowan: Mom...I don't believe in Jesus Christ, but I am trying to believe
Me: Well, Rowan, that's all we are asked to do, is try.
Rowan: I am really happy I picked the plan of Salvation.
Me: (sweetly surprised at his statement) Oh! Why is that?
Rowan: Because I got to have this body, and I can have sweet things and also protein 😂😊
He is the absolute BEST. I always felt so sure that things would always work out for Rowan. Things always had, but lately I am stumped. I want Rowan to love who he is. I don't want him to try to be his brothers. I don't want him to compare himself to them, I really want him to realize who he is special. I also feel like I am 0% not ok with anyone talking to Rowan in a way that makes feel sorry. He gets corrected by his brothers constantly, apparently also at school and he is always saying sorry...that many "sorry's" and you may feel sorry about who you are.. I can't have this for him.
I still have meetings every one in while with Sheridan from ABA. Rowan hasn't gone in a very long time, but just to keep that resource I like to keep in communication. I relayed that first spiritual story to her, and her response was: Can Rowan just rule the world for us?
He is such an incredible person, but right now he doesn't know it. Can I help him see it?? He has such deep thoughts about things in such a different way.
I don't know what to do about school next year for Rowan. I spoke with Kaj's advisor and he said I could touch base anytime with the principal and let them know I am interested in getting Rowan signed up with Kaj's advisor, and it would be as simple as that. On the flip side, as I was at the school 4 out of the 5 days this week for different events, I was talking to Jonah's teacher. Jonah's teacher is a special person. She is an amazing teacher. She is so good at it. She hones in on each child's strengths and she is able to build on those. She told me that she would be moving up to 4th grade...well Rowan will be in 4th grade next year. You know where I am goin with this. I said, "Well, you definitely planted the idea in my head that you will have Rowan next year." "Well, that's why I mentioned it, I would love to have Rowan in my class next year." I think she is that special that she could turn Rowan's experience around.
I love my boy so so much.
