Josh turns 7

A very typical Joshy pose 😂

 Josh turned 7 years old this year. (My kids are getting old!)(Which means I am also getting old 🤦🏼‍♀️) I get teased sometimes about how much I can on and on about Josh. So whenever I start I try to catch myself and not got too carried away 😂 But, ya know, it's his birthday so I am giving myself bragging rights.

Josh still remains to be such a good kid. He has a lot of goodness in heart and recognizes right from wrong easily and most days chooses right.

It was also parent teacher conferences recently and she went on to say that Josh is the kind of student that makes her want to be a better teacher. 💗 It was quite an amazing to hear.

church ..you can see the speaker, the congregation, the organist, and bishop 

birthday boy

Josh loves to learn, he is very bright. He is charismatic and makes friends very easily. He is considerate of others feelings, and is interested in others interests, and often will play what others want to play. He is such an outstanding brother. He is really the kid of mine who plays well with everyone in our family on an individual basis without having to try hard. He makes everything fun and delightful and better. Josh is also a natural athlete- a trait he did not inherit from me. He is loves doing running club, soccer, catch, and just about anything active. He is good at all of them. Josh is also extremely creative. Lately he has been doing dominos. He has the patience to set them meticulously in unique designs and then sets them off. Of course, he still loves legos and I genuinely love to see what he builds. Josh is also handsome and funny, and so sweet.


I feel beyond lucky-blessed-what have you- to have Josh as my son. That he got to be in our family, that I get to watch him grow up, and I am very proud of the person that he is. He continues to teach me a lot.

Love you Josh 💙

 

The littles

Jonah dead asleep at the sports store

the day after his fall

 Sometimes when we are instructing the older boys we would call Jonah and Rowan, "the littles." It is strange that Rowan has somewhat graduated from that in just a couple of months. My littles are now Jonah and Lily. This pair will be interesting to watch grow up together... I have a feeling it will be quite fun when the days comes when Lily can run around with Jonah because the kid is go, go, go! Until, without warning, he's not. The kid will crash so hard when he finally does.

There was a night when Sam was off for his 3 weeks he had taken off of work to stay home and help me when as we were getting to bed Jonah, who was sitting at the top of our couch, which he does often, fell. He fell backward because he had fallen completely asleep. It was definitely not the best thud to hear (opposed to other thuds) He woke up crying a few times after that and then he ended of throwing up and we were advised to take him into the emergency room. It was awful. Sam took him, and I worried at home. He ended up being totally fine but still very scary.

On a funnier note though Jonah asked me if I  had pooped today as he pat my buns and proceeded to say, "ewww" and lead me to his room where he pulled out the changing blanket and gestured me to lay down 😂 Folks-I did not lay down- not even to humor him. Jonah...💕 Oh I love him. He is probably going to be starting speech soon. It is not as if he is not saying many words but he really is very hard to understand. I don't even want to admit it just because of all the many things we have had to do with Rowan but he does need to work on it, and once again, I am very excited to have better conversations with my other son.

Lily bug is now 2 months. Time is not flying. It's not standing still either. I cuddle with every single night right now. Which, I will likely do until she gets in her own room and doesn't let me anymore. One or both of those things. She is the sweetest little thing to wake up too. She falls asleep around 8:30 and then I scoop her up to fall asleep on the couch and when I wake up I feed her and then she goes to her own bed. 

She does seem pretty needy these days. As is, she cries whenever I start to do anything. Like she knows. And I just don't have the heart to let her cry. So, I hold her a lot. One day- at my wits end with the house I decided I would try one of those wraps. I had borrowed one from my friend. I was instructed to watch a couple youtube videos and proceed from there. Needless to say, I watched some videos a number of them actually. Even paused and tried to follow along, no. No thank you! I was sweating trying to figure that thing out, and then trying to get Lily in there she was sweating, and then I was sweating even more. It was not great. I do not think I will be wearing around my baby in a wrap. So, hopefully, she will get through this fussy stage and we will be sitting pretty. 👍🏻

Fall Highlights 2018

This year was a fun year to go to the pumpkin patch because it seemed like the first year that the boys were able to do a lot on their own and the older boys were able to help with the littles more than it was s necessity for Sam or I to be with them the whole time. This was one of the first moments that I was realizing that things were starting to feel "easier" and also the realization that we were going to be starting over very soon. Pregnant and with 4 boys at these kind of things always gets some attention. Or perhaps I was just feeling a little self conscious.

Whether in my imagination or not it is odd to have a more than 2 kids in Bend. It is pretty standard to have 2 and the ideal family is to have a boy and a girl. People have never been mean- they just comment.

 I love this time of year. I have said it before so  I  don't have to go through all the reasons why yet again. I also love experiencing it all with my family. I love how each year my boys have grown and I can see more of who they are becoming and I still like them. I like being able to have conversations with them and actually share different thoughts, opinions, and feelings. It can be hard early on in motherhood because that aspect really isn't there and it difficult to see a time that it would happen. It does.

I sure do have some handsome boys.

Lily Mariana Jo

 I still have a lot of blogging to catch up and I do plan to fill in the gaps, but a good birth story has details so before I go forgetting those details
(which... 5 kids I think could happen easily) I wanted to get this down.

We had our baby girl, baby sister, baby Lily on Feb 5th, 2019
Weight: 7lbs 11oz
Height: 21 inches
Time: 8:33 pm

My sister Meg had come into town almost a full weed prior to having her. I, wanting to replicate almost everything from Jonah experience, wanted some time hanging out with her and the boys and after a few days went by would then have the baby. It took longer, but loved hanging out with Meg, and the boys loved it too. We reminisced about when she came into town for Jonah and remembered how WE-Megan and I had essentially picked out Jonah's name together and we laughed and we laughed.
         I have to admit- as days passed I was not so certain it was going to happen while Megan was in town. I'd had some mild contractions but nothing that lasted or got worse. We went on plenty of walks and ran the boys every which way and it seemed like between all of that I should have gone into labor. Megan came in on a Wednesday and so on the Monday the week she was leaving I woke up having contractions around 3am. They did wake me up so they were painful enough to do that and I was timing them. By the morning they were still happening but not getting worse. So Megan and I did exercises to try and keep them going. We did this all morning. Now, the nitty gritty, I needed to have some prune juice, it helped a little. I then announced to Megan I would have a second glass. 😳 That was an interesting choice and I literally spent the rest of the morning and day taking trips to the bathroom every few minutes. Yeah...
When the day began I wasn't so sure I was going to be making it to my doctor's appointment set for that day but as the hours went and it wasn't dire that I would be going to the hospital it was good to go my appointment to see if anything was happening. I was a 3.5 at my appointment he was pretty certain that things were moving along from the day. He also said he would be "dumbfounded" if "I made it another week. He also said if I had been a 4 he would have sent me over the birthing center. All of these things made me feel confident that it could happen that day. I called Sam to let him know the updates and told him I was pretty sure it would happen that day, especially with him scheduled to go into work in Portland the next day the sooner he could make the judgement call the better.

 After arriving home things picked up. My friend Kimberly- who had been updated throughout the day came over to be with Jonah. My friend Heather picked up the older boys from school and Sam was picking up Rowan. We left the house around 4:15 was checked around 5 at the hospital and was a 4.5 and I was then admitted to stay. I know this wasn't my first rodeo but it is still so odd to know that before the day would be done I would have extra person in my life.

Sam arrived around 6 o clock and by then was in a lot of pain and things were moving very quickly. Megan, was, once again, wonderful to have there. She is amazingly calm and considerate of all my needs, and its also very good to talk to her during the whole process. I labored till around 7:00 and a 6.5. Sam suggested to get going with the epidural and because it seemed like it was moving really quickly, I agreed. I didn't want to miss the window to get one. I had my epidural around 7:30 but after I felt like it was working I began feeling very weird. I felt like things were really slow and that I wasn't really in the room and I was telling Sam and Megan that I was feeling "foggy" and that is about when about 6 nurses ran into the room and started to push me on to one side and putting an oxygen mask on me because apparently my blood pressure had gone way down and so did baby Lily's. This had never happened before and it was a bit scary. They gave that a few minutes and then turned me on the other side. That time it worked and I could definitely tell the difference. After things had stabilized Sam went home to check on the boys. We decided that  we would just wait to break my water until he came back. Soon after Sam had left I start shaking uncontrollably and became 🤢 and of course Megan taking good care of me all the while. It was then that I felt my water break on it's own. So Megan called Sam to let him know and it turns out he was just leaving the house to come back. When he came back the nurse checked me, I was at a 10, she called the doctor in, and got everything situated.

The doctor said she could feel another bag of water and she said it would like break on it's own. She advised "just give a little push." So, I gave the smallest push and in that second it was as if someone on a water balloon rampage had just charged in the room and thrown the money shot in middle of the room. It literally splashed everywhere. Sam seemed grossed out 😂 but everyone was laughing. Then  after everyone had collected themselves the doctor said, "Ok, this will probably just 1 or 2 pushes and we'll be done." I looked at her like don't say that unless that's actually true. But, it was true.

She was here, and I loved her immediately. 

While Kimberly was with the boys they made this cute poster

😍💕

loved immediately

smirks and dimples

Birthday Blues

20 weeks with little girl

 Actually, I didn't actually have the birthday blues...but the next few blogs will be playing the classic game of catch up and admittedly I have felt so out of sorts lately that I wasn't even writing. As in, no writing, at all. To the point that I began to wonder when I would ever sit down again to blog, to write some of my book that never gets finished, or just journal.

I opened up an past blog book because I needed information about Rowan to fill out this form after a meeting I had with his preschool teacher and suddenly-there it was - the spark. Just a quick one like the first millisecond that you light a match before it blows out. But, I guess that is all I needed. To sit down, and begin catching up the stories of our lives that best that I can.

Truth be told I have felt more down and alone lately than I have in a long time. I feel lost and pretty sad. I hope that it has more to do with the hormones? I really hope so because this just can't be the the permanent state that I stay in. But, as I read my own words and reflected about my boys and how sweet they were and still are I just don't have reasons to stay in that. It is time to find the happiness again and let it fill up. There is this silly movie called "Mom's Night Out," I wouldn't say it is being filed into the Classics but it is very relatable for me at this time especially- and in one scene the main character is sitting down with her husband feeling completely overwhelmed by her life-he children, her messy home, all of it, and she says to him that this is what she wanted growing up, to be a mom, to have a good husband, and she literally living her dream and wondering why she isn't happy. That's how I feel. I wanted this very thing too. So, I think it is definitely been enough time wallowing in whatever it is and take some ownership back in what can make me happy. What can make me happy? I think it is finding those pieces that once filled me up. That's my hope, anyway. What else can? My boys. I truly do have the sweetest most caring boys I could ever ask for. I often don't even feel deserving of their sweetness sometimes, but they insist on it.
This is just a very long narrative on why it has taken me so long to catch this up but I intend on doing and hope that the memories that I want to share will come back to my mind.

School pics 2018

So, for my birthday this year Sam was working in Portland for the actual day. I think it fell on a Wednesday so it wasn't going to be much for celebrating, anyway. Sam did encourage the boys to be very sweet while he was gone and try to make my day special. But, who know what that means to kids. But, on my birthday morning I began to hear the older boys sneak down and begin their birthday preparations. It included emptying the dishwasher 🙌🏻 which honestly did feel a little like that best present ever because that is always the first thing I get done in the morning and the first thing I want done before I feel like I can do anything else. And then, they made this lovely breakfast and set the table to everyone. They told me: we were going to to make eggs but we didn't have any. Since I had never seen them make eggs I think that that was a good thing. I turned 35 this year. Why do I feel like that can't be right, it has be like 25? But, it was 35. My dad called me and seemed a little freaked about himself. 😂 I don't know if it was for me or for him. Either way- that's the truth. When my boys asked how old I was turning I did kind of spit it out really quickly- maybe they wouldn't hear me right. But, I suppose going back to my initial thoughts I need to make my 35th year awesome and I have a lot to do with it. I get to make it great. So, I think that's what I will do. 

2018 school pics

birthday breakfast from the boys

Toast stuffed with chocolate chips 👍🏻😂

First day back to School

Back to the grind, as they say. But, I am not sure if it technically could be called that when you are going back to 3rd and 1st grade and preschool. Actually, it counts for Rowan. Even though, Kaj is really at odds why summer is only 3 months long and believe that it should be reversed and the rest of the year dedicated to time off. It was nice to have them starting back--yeah, that house is quiet and I kinda miss the loud of the boys being home but they needed to go back. Luckily, they have buddies in their classes and are already doing really well.Kaj and Josh also began playing soccer this fall. It has been really fun to see the growth they have made in just weeks. Josh is starting when a lot of other kids are starting so he is definitely been able to hold his own. Kaj is starting a little later than other kids his age, but I feel like the coaches are very mindful of him and helping his improve. 

Kaj has had a few hang ups this year about the rules changing at school. There is a new principal this year, and he has implemented new rules. Kaj came home the first day and sat me down to have a private conversation and said, " he is literally like Mr. Krupp." ( this is the mean principal from the Captain Underpants series) 😂 But, he seems to be getting over it little by little.

Josh, as usual, has had a great attitude. The rules don't seem to bother him. He has made some good buddies within the first few days, which is nice. But, really, the beginning of this year has had an ease about it.

Rowan started his last year of preschool. He is back at Alyce Hatch with the same teachers he had last year. The group he is with has doubled, but he seems to have adapted really nicely. The teachers have been amazed at how much he has changed just over the summer. He has so much more spontaneous language, he is answering questions, he is more engaged with them. All great things. So many times I have talked about Rowan, and the pride I feel in who he is, but also the wonder and questions I have about the future for him. Ultimately, I know it is bright, and he is the light in the very room he enters in. I had a realization when he was taking swim lessons over the summer, as I sat and watched him with the small swim class he was in a class with two other little kids, and the teacher. He seemed to love it. But, there were times I noticed one of the other children do something and without fail the other would then begin mimicking the same action, and Rowan, would almost always do something different. Most times, he wouldn't seem to notice that they were both doing something and if he did he never changed what he was doing.  I was suddenly hit with a feeling of gratitude for that. He will never feel pressured to do something that other people are doing, not only will he not feel the pressure, I don't think he will even sense the pressure. He will make his own way, Rowan's way. He will decide. How amazing is that?! He is such a great boy! There are full sentences now that he will say that catch me off guard. I am obsessed with hearing what he has to say! Sam gave him a bowl of ice cream the other day, "Thanks, dad. This is my favorite!" -Rowan says- that whole sentence! He says "I love you, mom" or "I love you, dad" at bedtime whoever is by his bed. When the boys will sometimes Cheers each other at dinner, Rowan will add, "To the kids!" 😂 He is funny and sweet. And dang, feel so lucky to have him.

The Baby Sister

So, this is the biggest news of our summer. It also changed the way the summer went, if I am being honest. In that, I wasn't feeling well, and the list of the summer plans went out the window a little. Half the summer my boys didn't know. They didn't complain, they were patient, and happy, perhaps because they didn't know all the plans I had actually made. 

But, lets start from the start. I found out, I cried, Sam was optimistic and happy. So, I was happier. It took longer to process this one because we had taken this idea off the table and so I was planning my life without a pitstop in PregnancyVille again. 

I didn't really want to share with anyone until we found out what we were having. I don't know why, I just didn't. I wanted to tell and announce all at once. So, at 9 weeks Sam and I thought it well worth the cost to find out early what we were having. They do a test called Panorama that tests different  things for any chromosomal abnormalities as well as test the gender by seeing if the Y chromosome is present. 

So, I took the test on a Monday and the following Tuesday the phone call came. The one I had been thinking of. When I imagined the news I only could hear her telling me it was a boy. A boy is all I have ever heard. So, I was prepared to hear that again. She first told me that all things tested for any abnormalities tested normal. This was great news! Then, she asked me, "Did you want to know the gender?" "Yes." I told her. Deep breath. "You're having a little girl." Deep breath. Some little tears filling me eyes. 

"Really?" I verified, really wanting to make sure I heard correctly. 

"Is that a good thing?" She laughed a little.

 "Well, I have 4 boys.."

 Exclaiming, "Oh!! Well! It looks like you will have to get some pink." 💕

Pink. A girl. Oh my goodness. So, rewinding even more- almost a whole year. Sam and I had a talk. We talked about different impressions and feelings we each had experienced making us believe we were meant to have a little girl join our family. So, what felt like suddenly, and also knowingly we are having this little girl. 

Look at the boys faces. They were so excited, they still are so excited. They will ask, "How many more days till the baby sister comes?" or "I can't wait to meet the baby sister." Rowan seems to even know about her in a small way. He'll sometimes say we're going to see the baby sister. But, if I ask him where she is he will answer: mom's belly. 

As of right now, I am excited- no question about that. I do sometimes feel like it will be strange have a girl after all these boys. I hope I will be a good mom to a girl. A good example to her. I hope that I will be strong example. And, in time, a friend. My Boy Mom badge will be hung up. Which, I wear proudly, but I have a feeling it won't matter when I meet her. I still can't really believe it. I still didn't know this would actually happen. I still really really love Jonah as my baby. It is hard for me to think of him not being the baby. It makes me feel better knowing he'll always be the baby brother. He just...is. 

So, we are just plugging along here now and awaiting the arrival of the baby sister. She definitely is a lucky one to have so many brothers eager to meet her, protect her, and love her.