Little Goodbyes

Little Goodbyes is also the title to a Shedaisy song for those of you who want to add a little nostalgia to your day. But, the goodbyes I am talking about are Rowan's goodbyes to some special ladies in his life.

Last week he had his last day at preschool with the same ladies he has had for the last 2 years. They knew him last year when he spent the whole year talking in only whispers and wore a had every single day. They have now witnessed how explosive his language has become, how is starting to socialize more, and get to see how smart he is. He had Miss Sherry who spent half the year on a scooter because she had a surgery on her foot and she was smiling still every day. Miss Shannon takes care of her mother who is quite sick and same thing, smiling, every day. And Miss Jeanie.. oh Miss Jeanie... she was there in all important meetings, and has been there to praise and love him. These ladies are wonderful at what they do and we feel so lucky to have had them a part of his life.

We also said goodbye to Stephanie. Stephanie was Rowan's speech therapist for the last 2 and a half years. I feel a special gratitude to her especially because she was the person I trusted when she gently encouraged us to get Rowan evaluated further. I have shed tears with her on more than one occasion during frustrations with meetings, navigating hours of ABA that would take Rowan away for such a long time during the week and simply just coping with the emotions of Rowan's diagnosis, She has pep talked me, and reminded me that I am the expert on what's best for him.

What was the sweetest was as we were leaving Rowans gave Stephanie a sweet hug, and said, "stay happy, ok?" And when he realized she was still crying he turned around to give her a second hug which just touched her so much that he would try again to make her feel better. Then reminded her again to: stay happy. I think that is the soundest advice a person can ever give and receive. I love Rowan. I am so thankful for the many people who have loved his and pushed him to make sure that he reaches his highest potential.

Rowan's going to be in Kindergarten

 I had a transition meeting for Rowan... actually today- or an IEP meeting. It was meeting with the Buckingham team but also included some of the people who have worked close with him in preschool. I was told to create a "Rowan brochure." I was very glad that I did. I printed enough for everyone who attended by happenstance, and they were all very happy to have the information. Everyone went around the room to introduce themselves and they turned the time over to me, which if I hadn't had my Rowan brochure I am not sure I would have known where to start.

It was a good meeting. Everyone who was there seemed kind and interested and eager to create the best plan for Rowan.
Sometimes when I think of him I wonder why was he sent to Earth with these challenges? Why were these challenges a part of the plan for him. I think of the injustice of it all when I ask why him? But, usually immediately following I think that it was not injustice but mercy.

 There is a team for Rowan. There a many teams for Rowan. A group of people that come together to achieve a common goal. (Uh..yes I used to actual dictionary verbiage) But, what else goes on on a team? Cheering and excitement and rooting.  All for Rowan's success. Pretty lucky actually.

I got to sit in a roomful of people- some who already know and love him and others excited to meet him. But all to create a tailored, customized education plan for him just to see him succeed.

I haven't had a good update about Rowan in a little while, but I am over the moon excited about the progress I have seen him make in just one year. I have full on conversations with him! When I say something to him he answers me the right way. An example is he came over and asked if he could watch Frozen (which he loves right now) And I said yes that he can turn it on.
"I don't know how to turn it on." 🤗 Just that. That's huge! (I, of course, then helped him to turn it on) Another funny but amazing thing when we were trying to get out the door to go to church the other day I said, "Rowan we need to get going to church."
"But,  I don't want to go."Rowan
"But, we need to go."
"But, church is not my favorite." 😂
I laughed but said, "Well, it doesn't have to be your favorite we still have to go."
"But church is not my favorite." 😂
Me laughing again "I know, but we still have to go."
"Fine, fine." he finally gave in. For one, church is no one's favorite, buddy. But, even just him saying "fine, fine." I mean...So Huge!!

Rowan is so fun and funny, and so wonderful to be around. He is joyful and musical and smart. He has an amazing memory. He is so talented in so many ways. I have said it before and I imagine I will keep on saying it, I love being his mom. He teaches me so much and truly would not change a thing about him. 💕

Kaj turns 9 😳

My Dear Kaj bears turned 9...that's a"eek" moment for me. On his birthday this year I was doing his hair in the morning and I was looking at his face. His little boy face I can remember staring at when he was baby and now it is looking older. I can see it morphing and it's so strange. 

Kaj is complex soul. Perhaps he is starting to go through things trying to figure out who he wants to be. He can be quite serious and also really silly. He can be pessimistic at times where I consistently have to remind him how attitude matters and to be more positive and yet he can be extremely sensitive and in tune with other people's feelings. He is smart and analytical. He is always trying to find a way to do things that make the most sense and has even called out his teachers before 😳. He is easy to talk to, he is definitely a kid I get the most information from and have more conversations with. He is not afraid to try things and is adventurous. He is good at math, climbing, and creating things with legos. (that is still important) What is also important to him very very important is his bunny.. His love for that stuffed animal runs deep. 

Kaj is really interested in football right now, he has a crush on a girl named Franki, and he has made some good friends this year. His best friend is still Josh which makes my heart so happy. 

I am happy I am his mom. I hope and pray he will always be able to talk to me. I am kindof feeling like this is his last year being a boy and after he is going to start really changing into a young man. I love Kaj very much and am thankful for the things he has taught me.

Josh turns 7

A very typical Joshy pose 😂

 Josh turned 7 years old this year. (My kids are getting old!)(Which means I am also getting old 🤦🏼‍♀️) I get teased sometimes about how much I can on and on about Josh. So whenever I start I try to catch myself and not got too carried away 😂 But, ya know, it's his birthday so I am giving myself bragging rights.

Josh still remains to be such a good kid. He has a lot of goodness in heart and recognizes right from wrong easily and most days chooses right.

It was also parent teacher conferences recently and she went on to say that Josh is the kind of student that makes her want to be a better teacher. 💗 It was quite an amazing to hear.

church ..you can see the speaker, the congregation, the organist, and bishop 

birthday boy

Josh loves to learn, he is very bright. He is charismatic and makes friends very easily. He is considerate of others feelings, and is interested in others interests, and often will play what others want to play. He is such an outstanding brother. He is really the kid of mine who plays well with everyone in our family on an individual basis without having to try hard. He makes everything fun and delightful and better. Josh is also a natural athlete- a trait he did not inherit from me. He is loves doing running club, soccer, catch, and just about anything active. He is good at all of them. Josh is also extremely creative. Lately he has been doing dominos. He has the patience to set them meticulously in unique designs and then sets them off. Of course, he still loves legos and I genuinely love to see what he builds. Josh is also handsome and funny, and so sweet.


I feel beyond lucky-blessed-what have you- to have Josh as my son. That he got to be in our family, that I get to watch him grow up, and I am very proud of the person that he is. He continues to teach me a lot.

Love you Josh 💙

 

The littles

Jonah dead asleep at the sports store

the day after his fall

 Sometimes when we are instructing the older boys we would call Jonah and Rowan, "the littles." It is strange that Rowan has somewhat graduated from that in just a couple of months. My littles are now Jonah and Lily. This pair will be interesting to watch grow up together... I have a feeling it will be quite fun when the days comes when Lily can run around with Jonah because the kid is go, go, go! Until, without warning, he's not. The kid will crash so hard when he finally does.

There was a night when Sam was off for his 3 weeks he had taken off of work to stay home and help me when as we were getting to bed Jonah, who was sitting at the top of our couch, which he does often, fell. He fell backward because he had fallen completely asleep. It was definitely not the best thud to hear (opposed to other thuds) He woke up crying a few times after that and then he ended of throwing up and we were advised to take him into the emergency room. It was awful. Sam took him, and I worried at home. He ended up being totally fine but still very scary.

On a funnier note though Jonah asked me if I  had pooped today as he pat my buns and proceeded to say, "ewww" and lead me to his room where he pulled out the changing blanket and gestured me to lay down 😂 Folks-I did not lay down- not even to humor him. Jonah...💕 Oh I love him. He is probably going to be starting speech soon. It is not as if he is not saying many words but he really is very hard to understand. I don't even want to admit it just because of all the many things we have had to do with Rowan but he does need to work on it, and once again, I am very excited to have better conversations with my other son.

Lily bug is now 2 months. Time is not flying. It's not standing still either. I cuddle with every single night right now. Which, I will likely do until she gets in her own room and doesn't let me anymore. One or both of those things. She is the sweetest little thing to wake up too. She falls asleep around 8:30 and then I scoop her up to fall asleep on the couch and when I wake up I feed her and then she goes to her own bed. 

She does seem pretty needy these days. As is, she cries whenever I start to do anything. Like she knows. And I just don't have the heart to let her cry. So, I hold her a lot. One day- at my wits end with the house I decided I would try one of those wraps. I had borrowed one from my friend. I was instructed to watch a couple youtube videos and proceed from there. Needless to say, I watched some videos a number of them actually. Even paused and tried to follow along, no. No thank you! I was sweating trying to figure that thing out, and then trying to get Lily in there she was sweating, and then I was sweating even more. It was not great. I do not think I will be wearing around my baby in a wrap. So, hopefully, she will get through this fussy stage and we will be sitting pretty. 👍🏻

Fall Highlights 2018

This year was a fun year to go to the pumpkin patch because it seemed like the first year that the boys were able to do a lot on their own and the older boys were able to help with the littles more than it was s necessity for Sam or I to be with them the whole time. This was one of the first moments that I was realizing that things were starting to feel "easier" and also the realization that we were going to be starting over very soon. Pregnant and with 4 boys at these kind of things always gets some attention. Or perhaps I was just feeling a little self conscious.

Whether in my imagination or not it is odd to have a more than 2 kids in Bend. It is pretty standard to have 2 and the ideal family is to have a boy and a girl. People have never been mean- they just comment.

 I love this time of year. I have said it before so  I  don't have to go through all the reasons why yet again. I also love experiencing it all with my family. I love how each year my boys have grown and I can see more of who they are becoming and I still like them. I like being able to have conversations with them and actually share different thoughts, opinions, and feelings. It can be hard early on in motherhood because that aspect really isn't there and it difficult to see a time that it would happen. It does.

I sure do have some handsome boys.

Lily Mariana Jo

 I still have a lot of blogging to catch up and I do plan to fill in the gaps, but a good birth story has details so before I go forgetting those details
(which... 5 kids I think could happen easily) I wanted to get this down.

We had our baby girl, baby sister, baby Lily on Feb 5th, 2019
Weight: 7lbs 11oz
Height: 21 inches
Time: 8:33 pm

My sister Meg had come into town almost a full weed prior to having her. I, wanting to replicate almost everything from Jonah experience, wanted some time hanging out with her and the boys and after a few days went by would then have the baby. It took longer, but loved hanging out with Meg, and the boys loved it too. We reminisced about when she came into town for Jonah and remembered how WE-Megan and I had essentially picked out Jonah's name together and we laughed and we laughed.
         I have to admit- as days passed I was not so certain it was going to happen while Megan was in town. I'd had some mild contractions but nothing that lasted or got worse. We went on plenty of walks and ran the boys every which way and it seemed like between all of that I should have gone into labor. Megan came in on a Wednesday and so on the Monday the week she was leaving I woke up having contractions around 3am. They did wake me up so they were painful enough to do that and I was timing them. By the morning they were still happening but not getting worse. So Megan and I did exercises to try and keep them going. We did this all morning. Now, the nitty gritty, I needed to have some prune juice, it helped a little. I then announced to Megan I would have a second glass. 😳 That was an interesting choice and I literally spent the rest of the morning and day taking trips to the bathroom every few minutes. Yeah...
When the day began I wasn't so sure I was going to be making it to my doctor's appointment set for that day but as the hours went and it wasn't dire that I would be going to the hospital it was good to go my appointment to see if anything was happening. I was a 3.5 at my appointment he was pretty certain that things were moving along from the day. He also said he would be "dumbfounded" if "I made it another week. He also said if I had been a 4 he would have sent me over the birthing center. All of these things made me feel confident that it could happen that day. I called Sam to let him know the updates and told him I was pretty sure it would happen that day, especially with him scheduled to go into work in Portland the next day the sooner he could make the judgement call the better.

 After arriving home things picked up. My friend Kimberly- who had been updated throughout the day came over to be with Jonah. My friend Heather picked up the older boys from school and Sam was picking up Rowan. We left the house around 4:15 was checked around 5 at the hospital and was a 4.5 and I was then admitted to stay. I know this wasn't my first rodeo but it is still so odd to know that before the day would be done I would have extra person in my life.

Sam arrived around 6 o clock and by then was in a lot of pain and things were moving very quickly. Megan, was, once again, wonderful to have there. She is amazingly calm and considerate of all my needs, and its also very good to talk to her during the whole process. I labored till around 7:00 and a 6.5. Sam suggested to get going with the epidural and because it seemed like it was moving really quickly, I agreed. I didn't want to miss the window to get one. I had my epidural around 7:30 but after I felt like it was working I began feeling very weird. I felt like things were really slow and that I wasn't really in the room and I was telling Sam and Megan that I was feeling "foggy" and that is about when about 6 nurses ran into the room and started to push me on to one side and putting an oxygen mask on me because apparently my blood pressure had gone way down and so did baby Lily's. This had never happened before and it was a bit scary. They gave that a few minutes and then turned me on the other side. That time it worked and I could definitely tell the difference. After things had stabilized Sam went home to check on the boys. We decided that  we would just wait to break my water until he came back. Soon after Sam had left I start shaking uncontrollably and became 🤢 and of course Megan taking good care of me all the while. It was then that I felt my water break on it's own. So Megan called Sam to let him know and it turns out he was just leaving the house to come back. When he came back the nurse checked me, I was at a 10, she called the doctor in, and got everything situated.

The doctor said she could feel another bag of water and she said it would like break on it's own. She advised "just give a little push." So, I gave the smallest push and in that second it was as if someone on a water balloon rampage had just charged in the room and thrown the money shot in middle of the room. It literally splashed everywhere. Sam seemed grossed out 😂 but everyone was laughing. Then  after everyone had collected themselves the doctor said, "Ok, this will probably just 1 or 2 pushes and we'll be done." I looked at her like don't say that unless that's actually true. But, it was true.

She was here, and I loved her immediately. 

While Kimberly was with the boys they made this cute poster

😍💕

loved immediately

smirks and dimples