2020 - in a nutshell

Like most this in the year of 2020-my blog this year completely fell apart to the point of non existence. How can I catch up this whole year? But, as I went through this photos of the highlights I realized - it really was not all bad. Look how much we still did!? Some things feel like a lifetime ago I must admit. Some of the pictures I can't believe they actually happened in the same year. Family vacations being one of them. We went to the coast when I felt like the world was fighting with itself so much about the Black Lives Matter. We never did go back to school. The virus has continued on throughout the year, and even though there is very high recovery rate the fear about it has taken root. The schools in Oregon did an online learning program, which I knew, right from the start, I was not going to be able to pull off. It was very stressful keeping track of all their meetings, and all the different formats on how to turn in an assignment that I made the decision to homeschool my kids. Which I truly never saw myself doing but, it did feel right. I researched a whole heckofalot for a long time. I decided on the curriculum full knowing that I was committed to the decision no matter what happened with schools. We would homeschool this year. I planned out my whole year. I got many notebooks, and planned assignments, and we stick to our play every day. The boys are used to it by now. Though- after we have our any breaks they act as 

if I may forget to start back up again. Some days I wish I would forget, but I don't forget. 

We moved. Which is another crazy thing this year. After Sam and I having the idea on our radar for probably a good year, we got home from our vacation in Utah, and we put our house on the market. I felt shocked when our house sold in 2 days! Not too shocked because the market is/was completely nuts, but I felt like, "How did this happen?!" When clearly, it has been very intentional. After all, we took pictures...we had a for sale put in our yard...we had to leave our home every time some one was coming through our home, I mean I should not have been beside myself but, there was part of me that was dragging my feet at the change. We also did not have our next location in place. That did stress me out. We thought of renting, we thought on Airbnbs, it was extremely difficult to find anything that would work, and after putting in 2 offers that were outbid-thanks to our real estate agent, who was so on the ball, she got us to walk through a house before hitting the market, and then and there we put in an offer with the stipulation to not list it, and that is how we got into our new house. Mom, Whit, and Dad came out to help us pack up, and then a month later Mom, Whit, and Meg came to help us get more settled. They are nice, 

Josh got baptized this summer, after all, and we actually had the most fun crowd. We had so much family around and it honestly was so perfect. Everyone had a great time together. We made sure we packed in a lot of fun things. Actually, a story from Josh's baptism is that the day before Josh was baptized we had heard from the primary president that we were not allowed to sing. The piano could play but there was going to be no singing allowed. (💁🏼‍♀️ I know! What a world we live in right now) The night before, as I prayed I simply asked that if it in Heavenly Father's will I would love to be able to sing at Josh's baptism. My dad and I had been practicing this beautiful song with Megan on the piano, and realized that it may not happen, but still asked. Well, that morning we got there, and I wasn't really holding my breath, Matt Weed was there representing the Bishopric and as he looked over the program he was reiterating what I knew about not being able to sing, but then as he got the musical number, he paused, and just said, "I just - I just don't know about this- I just think that it would be really special if you did this one, and as the bishopric we want you to go ahead and still sing that one." I knew Heavenly Father had answered that small prayer, and I thanked Matt and told my dad and Meg we could sing. It was such a wonderful day. 

It is not fun not knowing what it going to happen next. I am not sure when my kids will get to go to their new school and start making new friends. I don't know when we will see the rest of our family next. I don't know if people will ever be able to stop second guessing giving someone a handshake or a hug, or be able to smile at a stranger when you walk by. It's strange. I know I love my kids. I know that they are good kids. I feel so grateful Sam has work, and we have a home, and food, and clothes, and warmth, and health.  So, there is still so much to be thankful for. I also know I can do better. This is why I am here writing this. I write because I love to write. I do it because it makes me happy, and I need to start to doing those things again. So, that I can be my best self. So, it starts here. Where I can honestly and simply write my thoughts. 

Kaj's birthday trip with Sam to Missouri

 

The Corona virus -the COVID life

 Shortly after Josh's birthday actually scratch that-it was about the week before Josh's birthday the world was sent into a tail spin. We panicked. Not Bend, not Oregon, not the United States-the world. Introducing 🎺🎺 COVID- 19 - a new virus. School was cancelled, church was cancelled, and gathering in any number was cancelled.
It was odd then. (It's still odd now) It hit me most when church was cancelled. It suddenly felt like we should be taking this more seriously. I would watch the numbers daily increase.  Oregon, Utah, Idaho, New York, and Colorado. Those were the states I would eye ball.
 Toilet paper became really hard to come by. Weird, right? I recall walking through the stores in a mind set that I refused to dooms day shop. I refused to get caught up in the frenzy but my mind would teasingly remind me then why are you here? Getting toilet paper if it was there was any, getting canned food that I would likely never get on a normal occasion. No joke. I bought the most humungous size possible of canned chili. Humungous. Canned Chili. I make my own chili. Needless to say, it was a little apocalyptic.
 So, to cope, we spent many many days going to the canal and exploring the area. We found crawdads underneath the rocks and would daily check to see how many more we could
find.

 At the time we thought perhaps schools would begin again, but now know that did not happen. It was ok though, because by the time that was announced there was more than a sneaking suspicion that that is how it would be. I became my kids teacher and boy that is quite the hat I get to wear! A fancy hat that I get to wear with sweatpants and no make up. Some days are better than others, and really we are now in a groove. We have zoom meetings now. Zoom meetings for my kids. 😳
Sam has been home though. Which has been a great thing. He was only going to Portland one day a week meaning he was home every night. That is a nice feature. Another nice feature is Rowan learned to ride his pedal bike. And also for that sometimes introverted part of my personality it has been wonderful. "I'm not supposed to talk to you" rather than "I feel awkward when I talk to you" feels a lot safer. 😂

shevlin park

So to take inventory right now parks are still closed, some medical offices are starting to open up- but were closed till just this week for us, group gatherings more than 25 people are cancelled, retail has been closed, restaurants closed, schools, churches..It's a strange time and it will be interesting to see what happens. We are now in the process of planning Josh's baptism. His baptism ended up being cancelled the afternoon before it was supposed to take place. My parents and sister Megan were here, and Mary Jo and Dale had already driven about 10 hours and ended up turning around. It was a really disappointing thing to have happen, honestly. Josh was so sad, and had already been rolling with all the changes that happened quite maturely. He knew it was going to be such a small group that could attend, he knew we wouldn't even be able to have the program at the church, and he was fine with all of it, just as long as he was still getting baptized so, of course, he felt sad and disappointed. We are excited to be able to have a take 2. 

seems appropriate this was the only picture I took when family came in for Josh's "baptism" 😂

Josh turns 8

 What a time in our world right now and I have not even mentioned it yet. There is a new virus. Coronavirus or COVID 19-  and there is a lot of talk about. Every day there are new updates.

To briefly explain is it started in China and is now in the United States. It's a respiratory illness that is impacting the older population more significantly. It is considered a pandemic now which means that because it is new people have not build immunities to it and it's a very quick spreading virus. So, as of right now, New York, California, Illinois, and Ohio have told their residents to stay at home. We are also out of school till the 28 of April. 😳 That's right. Home school. Till the 28th of April. Social Distancing is also a very common phrase right now. It is all in hopes to slow it down enough so hospitals don't get over run.
With all this background to say Josh had his 8th birthday in the midst of all this. He will also be getting baptized. When anticipating the date of his baptism we were expecting a lot of family. We were expecting both sets of grandparents, lots of Aunts and Uncles and a slew of cousins. But, because of a very unique set of circumstances and growing concern that would no longer be the case. We had so looked forward to it. Sam and I talked about possibly postponing his baptism in hopes that if we wait we could have everyone there, but we wondered if a few months would really make a difference. I asked Josh for his thoughts: "Josh...would you want to postpone getting baptized or do you want to keep the plan we have?" Josh's immediate answer followed. " Keep the plan we have because I want to have the Holy Ghost with me." Simple as that. Josh once again teaching me what was most important. With tears in my eyes and thankful to have such a kid all I could answer was, "ok. Then we'll keep it." Josh's goodness is truly remarkable. He never second guesses doing the right thing, and clearly understands priorities. I feel like I have always said this but I am so lucky to have Josh as my son. I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to do amazing things in his life, and with the gift of the Holy Ghost and understanding how valuable that gift is I can only begin to imagine what that will be.  But, I do know he one incredible kid.

The only things I could offer Josh for his birthday was a non-day. I had them following a schedule for school and requiring them to split their school work with chores and piano practice, and of course, play, but for his birthday I pretty much let him decide what we would do for the whole day. 💁🏼‍♀️ Seriously --NO other options. But, luckily Josh is pretty easy to please with new legos and toys, and even being with us, again, all day. We love Josh so so much. And I am so very thankful for him every day. 

Lily Turns 1 💗

 My best girl turned 1. I am soaking everything that she does knowing this is our last. When she was crawling and almost walking I would think this will be the last we see these cute crawling buns around our home and sure enough-they are gone. She is walking now. She is such a sweet, fun, smirky, smiley little girl. She is an amazing eater and amazing sleeper  and those are some of the best qualities you would look for in a baby.

She completes our family more than we ever would have thought. It still is so fresh in my mind when I never believed I would have a daughter and I knew I was missed out something different and special in it's own way and mourned not knowing what it was. And because I can still remember I look at her sometimes and am overwhelmed with gratitude that we have her.

She loves gathering books, and pulling out Kleenexes. She loves waving at people, and is taken by her brothers and they are even more so with her. It is hard not to be. She is so pleasant and happy.

 She also loves to dance an singing with her brothers in the car. She does seem to want to "talk" a lot. I am excited for actual words. But, I really do love hanging out with her. She is my most favorite girl.

I am thankful for the day we welcomed her into our lives and hearts.

Darth Vader

So, as an accompaniment to our holiday Rowan has been feeling sick. Leading out to Christmas break he developed a cough and it was causing his to throw up and it just wasn't awesome. He had been coming down around 4 in the morning for 3 days in row and on the 3rd morning I had the thought I think he has pneumonia.  I told that to Sam who questioned me more than agreed but I made an appointment with him that morning and sure enough- he had walking pneumonia. He was put on antibiotics and a few days later was feeling a lot better. It was night we were eating burgers and he still thinks that cheeseburgers make him feel better. 

But, during that sick time and missing some school he played on the iPad. He had really started playing this Lego Star Wars game and became extremely into it. He would talk about Boba fett and then a couple weeks later he was more interested in Darth Vader. I kept thinking we just needed remove the game altogether because it was becoming a little too much. He would ask "Does Darth Vader choke people?" And as much as we would remind him that we don't really want to talk about that, and that, yes, in fact, he does choke people, but we don't. (Rowan never tried to choke anyone) but a little later on in the day he would ask the question again. He then had a day at ABA where instead of saying "Hi" to someone saying "hi" to him he would tell them, "Darth Vader chokes people." 🤨 Well, after that I made the executive decision I would be removing the game. I called Sam to let him know the decision and he agreed and then reminded me that a few years ago when we had the same game and Rowan started walking like a lego so it turns out it's just a game he can play. I broke the news to him. He took it pretty hard. When we got home I told him he could still wear his Darth Vader costume, and that seemed to help. He then followed me around in the Darth Vader costume using a Darth Vader voice saying, "You need to let Rowan play Star Wars." "You need to say sorry to Rowan."  😂 Which may not have had the effect he wanted because it was just really cute and funny. But, he was also really sad, and that made me sad but I knew it was the right thing to do. 

Rowan is now being treated for a sinus infection with more antibiotics and I am really hoping that he can start feeling 100% because we can tell he is not at his best lately. 

Rowan turned 6 years old this year and he wanted the cheeseburger cake he had seen at Safeway. He was really happy to be turning 6, and then reminds me that he will 7, then 8, then 9 😩 Oh, my little boy. He is the best. 

Rowan talks fully now, he is very direct and opinionated, he is protective of Jonah, and a very good big brother. Rowan also has a great sense of humor and still brings a light in a joy to our home that could not be filled by anyone else. 

Christmas Break

 We made it through the holiday unscathed. Everyone survived and we even had a little adventure. We didn't get much snow during the break, that is coming now.

I keep thinking about traditions and wondering what to implement, what to add, if we have enough. I try to relax though and convince myself that in fact we do have enough and as our family grows up and changes we will be able to add and change as we go. I suppose if my kids seem happy than that is a good indication.

Christmas Eve night Lily actually had a fever and woke up several times that night. Two of those times I sat in her room rocking her and what did I hear but little boy footsteps coming in from upstairs, rummaging through the presents, leaving, only to return again with double the feet and whispers of excitement and more rummaging.  I actually loved listening in. It was Kaj and Josh. This was 3:30 in the morning. They came down again at 4:30. 5:30 and finally at 7 we opened presents. 😂

Rowan was a lot more into the holiday more than past years and Jonah was also so fun to watch when he opened his gifts. The Lily bear was actually sleeping still when we opened presents because of the hard night she had and so we saved hers to open with her.

Rowan had actually been sick leading up to the break. He would cough so much and throw up, and for a few days was telling me his body hurt. The Saturday after school was out he came down uncomfortable again and laid on the couch at around 4:30 and suddenly it hit me he has pneumonia. I turned to Sam to announce my conclusion he had his doubts, but I got him into the doctor that morning and sure enough it was walking pneumonia. He got antibiotics and started feeling better. It was on a night we had cheeseburgers for dinner that he was feeling better and he still says that it was in fact the cheeseburger that cured him. He will say, "Cheeseburgers make me feel better!" Touché, my boy.

     In the meantime, I have been feeling really sappy about Lily lately. I am almost done nursing her and I am being such a boob about it (😂 I had to!) But, it really is making me sad. She is going to be 1 year old next month and as much as I really love this next phase I can't help but feel tender towards the little baby phase that we are past. I will never have a tiny baby again 😩 and I do love nursing-I mean after the first month. I love snuggling in bed and having that cozy time.

During the break we talked about going to Utah but when it came right now to it we were not able to pull it off. Since we did have a break and to do a littler get away we went to Portland and Tillamook. It was a really fun trip because we didn't stress about where we were going we just decided as we went. The kids were all really good in the car. We enjoyed listening to music and talking together. We ate some yummy food, and stayed a nice Airbnb. Rowan gets really excited about vacations and will say, "This is our new house?!"

We got the little kids down and played games with the older boys, but we also knew Rowan was not sleeping. He was making a lot of noises. He came in at one point after maybe 30 minutes of being in bed and announced, " I slept good." 🤪 We told him it was not morning yet and it was still night. He then said, "Ok fine, ok fine."

We also went to the Tillamook creamery, which is about an hour from Portland. They have recently renovated it and it looks nice. I don't know how it was before to compare but the boys really liked it. What was also great about the trip was how pretty it was in a part of Oregon we hadn't seen. It was so green with the moss on the trees, and the fields of farmland so high up that we would pass clouds by. We, of course, tried some cheese and had some ice cream. We took a detour from there where we wanted to go see some lighthouses but there had a been a landslide so we couldn't go there so we got out at beach area to look at the waves. It was a fun last hooray before school started back up again and good reminder of how much I love these people.

llama jammies