Happy Happy Father's Day!

This weekend was a strange one, because it was a weekend that comes along very rarely for me. I spent time away with my sisters and my mom. A girls weekend at it's best. My mom and I kicked it off right on Friday afternoon starting with getting our toes done, of course! And, then the fun just continued from there. But, instead of coming home Saturday night, I spent another night..with Sam's blessing. Actually when I called him to make sure he was really ok with this plan he said: "wasn't it always the plan for you to come home Sunday morning?" Um..yes, yes it was. It was definitely a different kind of Father's day. But, I missed my boys more than I'd like to even admit. Especially that last day, I wanted to look at their sweet faces, and listen to everything Kaj had to say, even if it was repeated oh, so many times. Sam had to tell me more than once: you are on vacation! Go be on vacation. But, isn't the purpose of a vacation supposed to make you feel refreshed, and rejuvenated so you can go back home, and be happier and a better you? Well, it definitely made me appreciate my boys.

When I did get home we were able to give Sam the gifts from the boys as planned. Kaj has been excited about Father's Day for days. I am so thankful for the dad's in my life. I am so thankful for Sam. He is a great dad, who loves our boys, and wants so much for them, and wants to give them the very best. He is always trying to improve himself, and it striving to be a good example to our boys. I know they will value learning, and setting high goals because of Sam. We are learning together, and the boys will prove to give us a run for our money for that- I am certain, for every time we get one challenge down, it is on to the next- but, that is life. And there is joy in it.

I also am so grateful for my dad. He is funny character. He is hard working, and loving. He is kind, and welcoming to all, he can be found talking to strangers in the grocery store and laughing easily. He is contemplative, and genuinely concerned and wanting to help everyone in the family. He is good one. I am very happy to have him as my dad, and don't think you can get much better.

So Happy Father's Day to the dad's! Trying their darnest every day, and for loving the mom's. That's an important dad quality to have.

Boys and Sand

It is starting to warm up outside it has been nice so far. This means two things: we have been hitting the park a lot more, and I got my first sunburn for the season. We go to Draper park, and there is the giant sandbox-possibly for sand volleyball? Yes, that would make the most sense. We moseyed over, and I was well aware that once we got to the sand I was in it for a the long hall. Kaj and I joined Josh and adopted the barefoot look. I have to admit there is something about being barefoot in the sand, it doesn't even have to be the sand that has a view of the ocean (which, let's be honest is the best kind), it apparently can also be a giant sandbox in the middle of a park that can do that trick. It is just nice to sink your feet into. I sat with my boys, as they dug their fingers, their faces straight into the dirt, and tried burying everything from shoes to themselves in it, and laughed. Boys. Ha! 

There has been so much going on lately, and probably even more in my head and my heart. So much that it is hard to unravel each thought. So this time...I won't try. 

But the facts are: Sam has 5 weeks left! Meaning 1 rotation left!- I am so excited! And, I know he is too. It has been hard work, and if  I can give myself some credit, for both of us. 

I have been working 2 jobs to alleviate stresses, but it turns out I don't like to be treated like garbage especially if it is in front of lots of people (ha!) and so I am down to one job as of...today.

I am very very grateful for my parents. They are kind and they are loving. And, they have opened their lives and home to us. My mom reminds me that she has really enjoyed having us there- which has been a loving reminder, and usually come at time where I start to wonder how in the way we must be.

I love my boys. I love all 3 of them. I love Kaj and Josh and the happiness they bring with just a smile. They truly do have my heart. I know that these are the people who will love me, and know that I am doing my best.

I try to be better every day. Sometimes it doesn't work. But, every once in a while at the end of the day you can give yourself a small pat on the back, because you really do feel like you were a better you. Those are good feeling days.

I love having a personal relationship with Heavenly Father. I love that I can talk to Him, and cry to Him, and know He knows me so well, and He knows best how to comfort me. A small tender mercy in just that. 

Fly Away

 Sometimes I try to think about or try to remember what it was like to be a kid, to have the worries of a kid. What toy should come with me to the store? Should I get stories read to me, or should I just look at the pictures? It's a very beautiful thing. There was a moment in the day where I was sad, sad enough to be crying, mostly for the non kid worries- and before I brought my kids in from the car I looked at Kaj and smiled at him tearfully, and was relieved he didn't notice. Kaj usually will tell me when any child is crying anywhere we go if there is, in fact, a child crying. I guess he doesn't notice unless it is loud wailing cries- which I was not doing. ha! I started thinking about the lesson in relief society on Sunday,  wondering at what point do you apologize for who you are. It is a miracle that I was able to gain anything from it considering I was probably in the room for a total of 20 minutes, and interrupted, because I spent most of it out in the hall with Joshy. The topic was gifts of spirit, well, that's the part I got from it. We talked about what it was to have the gift of charity, and to pray for that gift, that it isn't enough to say "this is just in my nature, and I can't change who I am." Hence my question to myself.
So, needless to say after Sunday I have prayed every night for the spirit of charity. It has taken me awhile to learn that charity doesn't just mean being charitable, it encompasses so much more. "Charity suffereth long.." so has patience, when that was said Sunday I was like: "yeah, I could use some more of that!" Decision made: charity it is! Haha! I won't quote the scripture I am thinking of word for word (it's Moroni 7:45) but, if I could truly possess all that is the spirit of charity, I feel like there would be happiness all around. I really want to strive more fully to uplift people around me. I am grateful that I was able to catch the message that perhaps, I was supposed to hear on Sunday.

Kaj "no owees"

fountain at the tulip festival

Josh's classic behavior 

Rocking chair rides

Well, it was quite an event today as we went to the doctor's for Kaj's 3 year check up. I had thought it would be better to give him a heads up that we were going to see the doctor's for Kaj's turn. Josh had his turn last month, but Kaj persisted that it was still Josh's turn. Well, son, that just is not the case. I noted as Kaj refused to take off his shoes just to get on the scale, that Kaj does better if I just don't say anything-he was already nervous. Just to get his weight I had to stand on the scale with Kaj, and then subtract my weight without Kaj. A joy. Always. He did better when he was getting measured for his height, and then was fine while he was getting quizzed on flashcards of pictures of a house, a car, a horse, and a flower. 

                        Kaj is: 31% in his height at 3 ft 1 inch

                        6% weight 26 lbs

The doctor showed me the bell curve of Kaj, and I saw his weight trend: 1%, 1%, 0%...haha! Not a big kid, so this 6% today is pretty good. Kaj was due for 3 shots today, and this is when the horror came in. I tried to distract his with stories of when times are good, but he would not listen to word, we had to hurry and just get it over with. He really didn't like having bandaids on, they just reminded him of what he went though, which he clearly didn't need reminding as he relived it the whole ride home. It was not fun seeing him this unhappy, and there was not a lot I could say that would make him feel better either, he just kept telling me "no owees." "I promise you, you will not have any more owees today." I said hoping I could keep that promise. I am crossing my fingers that he doesn't trip and fall at any point in the day. 

Kaj turns "ee"

Kaj approx. 6 months

The night before Kaj turned 3, Sam and I were up decorating the house ala Angry Birds. I always look at the clock to see what time it is when I am getting into bed 11:47. Three years ago in exactly 2 hours, I almost had Kaj in a parking lot. Holy Smokes! That was a weird realization, I was also happy I didn't have him in a parking lot, and also that today he was 3. Kaj is always going to be special, of course, for many reasons, but he was my baby that made me a mom. Who wants to brave that?! haha. I mean everything was new with him. The frustration I have never felt before, and the kind of love I had never felt before I learned with Kaj.

 Sam and I went into Kaj's room in the morning to sing to him, and give him a couple presents. He looked so surprised, and happy. As he opened up his first present-which was clothes- and I was thinking as he slowly unwrapped it...he is not even going to care about this. But, to my surprise his face lit up, and he said "clothes!" "outfit!" Ok...nice. Next, was a new story, which he wanted to read right away, which I gladly did. It was very fun to celebrate the first birthday that a kid seems to realize it is their birthday. 

Kaj at 3

Kaj requests more kisses at bedtime

Kaj loves looking for "lions! Bears!"

Kaj gives hugs and goodnights to everybody

Kaj's favorite songs: "Bicycle" by Queen "Happy Birthday", and 

 "I am an Child of God"

Kaj knows his numbers 1 to 10

Kaj knows all his alphabet letters, and can recognize them

Kaj loves to go see the fishes and look for Dori

Kaj loves assembling Mr. Potato Head

Kaj is starting to talk SO much

Kaj really loves Angry Birds right now

Kaj loves his brother Joshy

Kaj loves playing with his cousin Addi :"more Addi"

Kaj loves playing outside

Kaj loves his family

I hope Kaj knows how much we love him, and I will do my part to assure him every day that he is. 

 

Easter Pictures

"You Made my Heart"

We are regular visitors to the Aquarium these days. Before Sam went back to New York we purchased a membership for the year, which has been the best money spent ever. Kaj is always so happy when I tell him we are going to see the fishes.  "What else do we see when we see fishes?" I ask Kaj. "Penens and Sharks" is the answer, and I will be honest, it is so stinking cute that I love to ask him possibly every day, and if not me, my mom will ask him. Ha! So we went to go see the fishes today, and as I circled the parking lot for a spot, I saw there was a school bus there- "oh boy. It is going to be crowded in there today." I thought to myself, but it didn't sway me, because after all, we were about to see fishes, penguins, and sharks. Oh my! It was crowded in there, because not only was there a field trip of elementary aged kids there, but there was also a field trip for what looked like an old folks home. I am happy that the friendly neighborhood Aquarium appeals to all. As usual the boys loved it. I noted last time we went that despite the many times we have been there is always something new that Kaj finds interesting. Today he pet the sting rays without being scared. We were wrapping up, and Kaj stopped to look at the animal magnets. As all the animals tooks turns biting me, as I explained to Kaj that the turtles, seahorses, and penguins don't bite, the group of elderly accompanied by the employees all headed toward the door. There were probably about 7 of them, 5 out of the 7 were in wheel chairs, being strolled a long, but the very last one had a young at heart look. He still had a skip in his step, and a big smile on his face. He noticed little Josh now taking great interest in the magnets, and he smiled on over. He was the sweetest sugariest of Grandpas, and he said to Josh "You are not a very big guy are you?" Without a moment hesitation Josh flashed him the very biggest smile. This lovely old man smiled with such joy right back. He laughed a little and said, "You made my heart today." I don't know why, but the phrase struck me as so wonderfully sweet, and I was so happy that we were there at that moment as he passed by, so that Josh could make him happy, and that it took Josh merely being his sweet self to do that. This same man proceeded to hold the door open for mom's with strollers and kids, including us, and I was still so happy for that little moment that was shared.