Josh + Hadley =

Yeah, I really don't know how to answer that equation. But, they have been quite the pair for going on a year now. They are equal parts sweet to sass ratio and sometimes I really can feel for Joshy, who I have seen time and time again putting Hadley first upon her request. They are in the same church class and they were in the same preschool this last year. Throughout the year our family would have Hadley for the day, so they have spent plenty of time together. It has been relatively easy because Josh and Hadley really do get a long pretty well. (I think because Josh is so accommodating) but nonetheless Hadley has been so fun to have around-we are low on girls if you haven't noticed. It is funny to watch people notice the pair of them at church or really anywhere because they are quite cute. Hadley's parents and Sam and I have to chuckle at their expense because they have both discussed liking each other. Josh will randomly say things like, "I wonder what Hadley is having for dinner?" or just a simple, "I wonder what Hadley is doing right now." We are definitely not setting up their future by any means. Though lately, their conversations started to drift to a touch more serious. 

One morning when we had Hadley before school we are getting ready to pile in the car. We were amidst the backpack, shoe, children chaos I looked over to see Hadley moving in to plant a kiss on Josh. I was thinking: "uh...excuse me!" But, I just steered everyone into the car. On the way to school Hadley asked Josh, "Can I kiss you?" Josh replied a "yes" to that request. Then she followed up by saying, "Well, after we get married...and we're getting married tomorrow." Josh does his classic Joshy scream. "And then I will have a baby," What is happening?? Josh asks, "A real baby?" Hadley answers with a sure, "Yes." Josh screams again. Thats my boy.  There hasn't been much conversation I have overheard since then, but my oh my she wanted to move things a long.

driving Miss Daisy

The very latest on Heather's watch Josh and Hadley were having a play date over at her house, and the last 5 minutes Heather found the pair of them snuggled in bed together reading a book, Heather asks Hadley, "What are you doing?" The answer: "Playing family. Oh...Josh and Hadley...

Kaj turns 7/ Easter Picture

Ok. So I have some really handsome boys

Kaj turned 7 this year. Wild, wild stuff. He had been counting down the days for a couple of months. Why? I really don't know. I was talking with Whitney about this wondering how children get the idea in their heads that their birthday is a national holiday. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want them to feel special, and that it is a day set apart, but also...it a normal day, and sometimes you have to do normal things. Kaj woke up around 4:30 in the morning to open his presents. We invited him to go back to bed, he then came in again around 5:30-6 which was closer but still not when starting the festivities. At that point Sam and I already realized he was already disappointed. I actually had to sit down with him and tell him that sometimes you need to wait so you can be celebrated because if you are always asking and waiting you might be disappointed. The days turned around from there. We had done some family celebrating the weekend before since Kaj's birthday this year fell on a Tuesday. We had gone climbing and had cake but we saved the presents for his birthday.

Kaj was actually home sick from school the day of his birthday so we really laid low, and what saved the day was actually being able to spend some birthday money from Mor Mor for Kaj and Josh. (I had saved Josh's with the idea in mind that they could both pick out something together) they both picked out brand new lego sets and we went home and they sat at put them together and played with Legos. It ended up being a great day.

A little about Kaj at 7. He is reading a lot more. He seems to enjoy reading and picking out new books from the library at school. He is smart and he can retain information easily. He teaches me new things he has learned from school often. He is a good older brother. He can be very self aware and knows what he needs to work on. He has lost 6 teeth now. I am getting used to his new smile. He is quite a handsome boy. He is working on reading the Book of Mormon right now and reads a page or two every night before bed. He says very thoughtful prayers. Kaj can also be very helpful, and I trust that he will listen to instructions. He is quite the lanky thing, he has a knack for mountain biking and climbing. He really enjoys spending time as a family. Kaj can feel like the glue in our family. I love Kaj. He is growing by the day and I really enjoy who he is becoming. It feels a little crazy to me to think he turns 8 next year so I would be all right if this year goes by nice and slow.

Happy Easter 2017

Family Firsts: Part 1

I took the boys roller blading for the first time a little bit ago. My friend had given me some free passes which was a good thing because I really wasn't sure how the boys were even going to like it and to pay for what could be a 10 minute excursion did not seem worth it. But, I was quite surprised how motivated my boys were to keep going with this because they fell...a LOT. I mean they were scrambling on the floor and falling both forward and backward it was not a pretty sight. While we were getting our blades on this kid came up to us and I will put it this way: he was a, "I like the Tin man" kind of kid. I was juggling to put on blades and roller skates on all 3 boys and keep Jonah from crying he approached us to let us know he would be starting a class to teach others how to skate. It was confusing. But, I guess after seeing us he decided this would be his first business endeavor. He started telling us what skates they should be in and proceeded to show them how to go backwards which I broke the news to him we were first timers and we were just trying not to fall down. He left. After a few moments though he came back with 2 other boys he apparently hired on the spot to take on this project. I could tell they were good kids who had been scammed into this but were very polite. I told them this was their first time and they didn't have to stay with us if they didn't want too. But, they began to give really good tips right away. I agreed with everything they were saying. And before I knew it we were heading with these 2 boys to the skating rink and my boys were falling a little less. Kaj was still...a little off balance. Josh was getting the hang of it, because he would take these tiny step like movements. The boys were so nice. They were encouraging, and they caught them from falling, and they continued to teach them as we made our way around. Rowan was doing great. He had the little skates that go over shoes and he acted as if nothing had changed. I discovered the 2 boys were on the hockey team in Bend and had been skating for 8 years. They were really good. And the boys were really excited to get better and better. It was good to talk with the boys later about the good examples the two older boys were to take time to mentor them and used their time to help others. We have gone several times since, but we still probably should remember to bring helmets.

Another first was to implement a new Monday plan. I love hiking the Butte in town because it feels like a good work out, but is so close by, and it doesn't take long to do. The weather has been getting warmer and I decided the best time to do this would be when Rowan is at school after we drop him off, and I could go with Josh and Jonah. So that's what we have done...weather permitting. It is so much fun. Josh is such a trooper. Classic Josh. Doesn't complain. Just hikes away till we reach the top and it is delightful company.

We also recently hiked the Butte as a family. We haven't gone since before Jonah was born. Usually Sam doesn't want to go to the Butte because he would rather hike something else. But, we went, and all really enjoyed ourselves. We then decided to have the first BBQ of the season. We got out the grill had our delicious burgers and I felt like, "wow, what a great day this was." Well...as we were cleaning up from dinner suddenly Sam was rushing in the house with Rowan crying. Honestly, the cry didn't sound urgent but Sam telling me to turn the cold water on, and he stuck Rowan's hands under the water. Rowan had put both his hands on the lid of the grill and burnt them both pretty badly. His crying was then urgent as he was trying to rub away the pain he popped the already blistered  area of his right hand and it looked awful. His red, raw skin was completely exposed now from the pad of his skin near his thumb up to his fingers with the skin folding over. It was so so sad. We couldn't explain to him what had happened very well, and this was the first time any of my boys had had a burn like this. We were fortunate enough the Sam could call Wisco and tell him what happened, and Sam then quickly went to the store to grab the supplies that we would need to take care of this. I held Rowan as he cried. He would calm down, and then the pain would come back and he wail and cry again. I said a prayer that he would be comforted, and brave, and that there would not be permanent damage. I felt peaceful as soon as I finished praying and I knew Heavenly Father would answer my prayer. Rowan felt fast asleep soon after. When Sam arrived home he told me Wisco was on his way to help bandage  his hands properly. I could barely look at his right hand, but Rowan was actually very brave while they wrapped up both his hands. So, Rowan had his little lobster hands for a few days. I turned out his left hand was fine enough to not have anything after a few days but we had to his right one covered for a couple of weeks. His hand is completely healed now. I am so thankful it was not worse. 

So grateful for our little family, and all the experiences we get to have together.

Our Trip to Colorado Springs

finally going home

Sam and I (and Jonah) went out to Colorado in early March. Our family is at a crossroads (again) on where to reside. Sam got asked to come out and interview with a group in Colorado Springs. Grandma and Grandpa Jo were able to come out and man the fort with the older boys allowing us both to go out. I had thought it would feel like a vacation with just Sam and I but it turns out if you have even one child with you- it is not a vacation for 2. With the being said, Jonah was the best little traveling baby I could ask for. He slept on every flight and without any kind schedule he rolled with all the punches, and was still quite pleasant. 

We were very fortunate that Michael Grigg's parents were able to watch Jonah for us while we had dinner with the group the first night. The group were some of the nicest people. I had such positive vibes while we sat at dinner with them. I could tell they were a good group that genuinely cared about each other but also worked very well together. We spent the next day looking around Colorado 

Springs, and then Sunday we went to church and then flew out. 

Yes, the flight out. We were supposed to leave a 6pm, but we got to the airport around 4:30 and killed time. We were so happy when we finally boarded the plane. After getting settled the pilot announced there was something leaking from one of the hydraulic something something and Sam and I looked at each other like: "Say Whaaatt??!" They assured us that they were just going to take a look- see and we would not have to de-board. We ended up de-boarding. It would be a couple hours at the most. It was not a couple hours. Jonah was so tired. But, he did not sleep while waited for the plane to get fixed. We spent a lot of time walking him around, trying to get him to sleep, and rinsing off his "binks" that would fall on the floor. One of these occasions I went to do so this fellow passenger of the broken plane was talking quite loudly on her phone, "I am a little buzzed if you couldn't tell. Well, here was nothing else to do!" She announced. I thought, OK then. We finally took off at 11pm and we already knew we would be missing our connecting flight. We would be staying the night in Salt Lake in a hotel. 

When Sam and I were back in our seat 5 hours later we noticed some passengers had switched seats cue the drunk girl from the bathroom now sitting in front of us with this guy who had mutually decided drinking was the best way to kill the time. Sam and I had front row seats to their awkward first drunken kisses, his way to often caresses to her hair as she slept, and also how each time she awoke her interest in him seemed to lessen. It was quite hilarious and awkward.

"oh Jone Jone"

So...after NOT getting our luggage that night after we arrived in Salt Lake and getting handed mini "overnight bags," we waited in line for the shuttle to our hotel with more than half of our plane comrades. Some very nice girls let us take their spot in line for Jonah's sake. So many people took notice of how amazing Jonah had been doing despite all the bad travel luck we were having. We then waited in line to get a room and waited some more for someone to bring up a pack n play for Jonah to sleep. We finally tucked ourselves in in the same dirty airport clothes we had been wearing all day long. (delicious) at 2 o'clock in the morning. I was even more happy to get home when we finally did get home.

at church with Grandma and Grandpa Jo

Jonah's feeling about going home too

So, just a little bit about our crossroads. We were are still contemplating what to do. I have felt very peaceful about moving forward with the group in CO Springs, but there is still a chance of staying. I love Bend. I have told friends and family I have never loved a place more. I love the small feel to it, the 10 minutes drives to anywhere. I love how even with all my small kids I have I have been able to go down to the river or let them ride bikes on the trail because of how close everything is. It's beautiful here. But, with the impressions I have had I would be willing to leave. We shall see. 

Happy Birthday Dear Joshy

5 years old

We celebrated Josh's 5th birthday this year. I remember thinking when Josh turned 2 years old feeling like he had been in our family a lot longer. I feel that must mean Josh has always had a special place to belong in our family. I continually feel very lucky to have him and to be his mom. He teaches me a lot of the time about being considerate of others and thinking of first. He does these things very naturally and is certainly a gift that he has been given. 

Josh's full name is Joshua Mats after my grandpa. When Josh was a wee one aka probably a couple months old I remember holding him and looking at him and just enjoying the newness of the baby I had just had and having the sense and envisioning him with my grandpa. He was holding his hand, walking with him, talking with him in a bright and beautiful place. I knew Josh had recently been with my grandpa before coming to me, and it was an amazing feeling. 

lego crab, Moana, Maui and his hook

 For many many reasons Josh is special kid. I mentioned how Josh easily puts people first to name a couple of examples. The stores that I usually run to with the boys are Walmart, Costco, and Safeway aka the cookie store. When I take them to the cookie store I always swing by the bakery so they get a cookie sample. There was a day I was only with Kaj and Josh and there was only one cookie left Josh grabbed it, split it in have without thinking twice and then proceeded to give the bigger half to Kaj. The other night the boys were still hungry after dinner so I allowed them to have the banana that was left there was just one so Kaj and Josh split it, and when Rowan wanted some Josh then split his half of banana to share with Rowan. Though these are small examples perhaps I feel like the significance is shown by how immediately he thinks of others. He also is just plain sweet. He was sitting with me the other day and stopped and said, "mom, you're beautiful." If that's not already sweet enough he actually tells me this quite often, and most of the time he does I feel like I am the complete opposite. This time after saying this he paused and told me, "I'm going to tell you you're beautiful every day." And he has. I can't think of a day since he told me this where hasn't told me. Josh also looks for ways to make others happy. He did the dishes one day and told me he wanted to make me happy. I watch him daily do things to make others happy.
Josh is great brother to all of his brothers. He knows how to be the best brother to each boy. He and Kaj- they are just two peas in a pod, When he plays with Rowan he is patient with him and teaches him things, he helps him on and off the trampoline, and he runs around a lot with him which is what Rowan loves to do. With Jonah he goes with the smothering approach, but Jonah loves it. Josh will pick him and walk around with him, he loves to make him laugh, any time he is around Jonah he is happy kid.

Josh is very bright. He can figure things out on his own very easily. He loves singing songs, and learning new things. He likes legos, riding his bike, and preschool. I really truly am impressed with what he can create with his legos. Not just in an, "Oh, that's nice, honey," mom approved kind of way, but legit he can create anything he sees and make is lego form. Josh is quite funny. He has a great sense of humor and often make the whole family laugh. 

I cannot believe how fast 5 years has flown by with him. I also can't wait to see Josh as he grows I know he is going to do great things. (He already does) I love you, Joshy bears.

I Believe in a Thing called March

 Whew! What a whirl wind life can be. Since I last blogged Kaj and Josh had the flu, (The Flu Flu not just the stomach flu. Yes, they are very different) and recovered, Jonah turned 8 months, Rowan started private sessions in speech therapy and school, Valentines day has come and gone, we started the boys in gymnastics, and we also- ahem- don't have any idea what we want to do for work. We have work. We are thankful for that. But Sam is really tired of working for BMC. So, in that case, we really don't know.

How are the boys doing? Let's start with Kaj. He is doing so great in 1st grade. He has really grown up so much this last year. It is amazing. He has lots of friends, he really enjoys his teacher, Mrs. Multop, and will often tell me: "She is the best teacher." I love reading with him, and seeing how much he can read on his own now. He also really likes writing his own books. (where does he get that?? haha) He recently looked at me while we were on homework one day, and said: "Hazel eyes are really scary. Right mom?" haha Right! No, I really didn't agree so whole heartedly I actually asked him why. I guess it's because they turn orange?
Josh, well there will be more on him later for his birthday post. But, in a nutshell: He is amazing. He is smart and creative, and considerate and funny. He loves Miss Mindy's preschool and I kinda think he also loves little Hadley. We often watch Hadley maybe a couple times a month we will have her for the whole day while Heather works and this is the conversation I heard one day on the way home from school. Josh: "So...who are you in love with?? Hadley: "Nobody! Josh: "Well then who are going to marry?" Hadley: "My dad." Josh: "You can't marry your dad! Your mom already married him!" Hadley: "Well, when I am older I will steal my dad away from my mom." I relayed this funny interaction to Heather and she had told me that earlier she said she would be marrying Josh. Drama, drama, drama.

Sam was out with Kaj and Josh one day doing some exercises in the garage gym- I have these moments where I feel like I have literally stepped into my future- this was one of those moments. I closed the door pretty quickly.  Since then, my boys will often use their free time to "go get their pecks," or "work on their pecks."  I not only hear a lot about pecks but I also get the title of Instapeck Inspector-they whip those pecks out without a moments notice to show me how big they are getting. Now, this is clearly hilarious. I have discovered that the term "pecks" is interchangeable for the word "muscles." Kaj told me is wanted to pecks on his stomach and on his arms etc. and then things made a touch more sense. So, watch out world! My boys have been spending a lot of time lately on their pecks.

Aforementioned, my boy started gymnastics. I know they are enjoying it. It does look like a lot of fun actually, and after a few times they are doing much better. I couldn't help, the first time they went, laughing to myself many times. Kaj is my son through and through. His awkwardness...but he doesn't seem too hindered by it. The instructor asked for a volunteer to do a somersault. Hands shot up in the air, but Kaj's was first. OK. Here we go. With a graceless display of long arms and long legs heaping over each other he proceeded to show how a somersault is done. Adding, "I can also do a ninja flip." Huh?? Like I said, I definitely would rather him have confidence in himself, but boy, the first day of gymnastics class was a doozy.

My dear, dear Rowan bears. We are coming out of a hard month with him. He started speech, and though there are some improvements and small things that he will do every day I did have some hard conversations that concluded that continues to be concerns and red flags with him. Alluding to the fact that he will be having further testing to see him if he is on the Autism spectrum. We already have things underway with a group here, and I have spoken to the doctor, and gave her a rundown. That was a really hard day. But, after some very uplifting conversations with Sam, my New York girls, my mom, and my neighbor, I felt a lot better. Sam made the comment, "I think Rowan is going to surprise us." I think he is too. He is a happy little guy, he is full of joy and love. I will just continue to be more patient with him. He is also really lucky to have Josh home right now with him, because Josh includes him and plays with him which is exactly what he needs. 

Jonah is the star of the show. He continues to be so adored by his brothers. He is starting to army crawl around, and is making more attempts to get on to his knees. He is eating a lot cereal and baby food. He is a pretty happy baby most of the time. He is makes lots of noises, and loves laughing and cannot wait to be a part of the older brothers. He is watching them all the time with every thing they do. We love Jone Jone. 

Sam has been putting out his resume again. We have a few options on the table, but we have not made any decisions. Despite not enjoying BMC he works really hard for our family, and he cares a lot about his patients. I know that he tries to take very good care of them. I do want him to be happy at work, and I want him to feel respected and valued is his job, and I know he has not been getting that. He is so dedicated to our family, and I love him.

Valentines Day box

How am I doing?? Good. A little crazy with the work stuff. I just try to not to worry a head of time. There seems like there is new solutions almost daily to what we are going to do or where we are going to be. I do love Bend. I have a hard time picturing us away from Bend. So, for now, we are here, and until that changes I am going to love it. I am very busy with the boys, but it feels like  good busy. I am striving to be more patient with myself at this time, because I really do want to cut myself a break. Mom guilt is real. No cure either. So, I try to live from moment to moment more than day to day because that way my whole day is not ruined by just a bad moment anymore.

Moana ala Josh. The crab, Maui equipped with his hook, and Moana

 Kaj getting his character trait award of Friendship at school

resonated with me so much HAHA

Rowan's Birthday and Loads of Snow

Happy 3 year old

And just as the New Year rings in...it's Rowans's birthday. I have said this before: it's a sneaky birthday. I think about it prior to Christmas, yes, however, I have never done anything about because I just want to get past Christmas and then think about it. But, it never does give me much thinking time. So, Rowan turned 3. Rowan can be a ray of sunshine. If Rowan is happy things are great. He is delightful. He can win a prize for the best smile and the best laugh in any...smile/laugh competitions. He is very energetic. He loves any time he can run around, and jump, or slide that is him in his element. Rowan...is also pretty challenging at this time. I am saying it nicely. It is very challenging with him right now. Sam and I often say to each other we don't know what to do. He is 3. The terrible 3's and he very often wants contradicting things at the same time. Rowan began private speech sessions, and will also begin classes once a week which will hopefully catch him up in the communication department. This has been the cherry on top of what I believe is making it tougher than what we are used to. Rowan is not where he should be in his expressive language. I do believe that we are taking all the right steps to get him on track, and I continually get positive feedback on his progress. I suppose Rowan is the child (right now) that I worry about. We love him. That's a given, but I worry if he is not where he should be in a year it will really affect him in a lot of areas. He gets by on his charms, his energy, and he looks...it's kinda true. 

Rowan's birthday this year we went to Eugene as a family because Sam had an interview there. So, we all made the trek together in hopes for some fun and some swimming at the hotel. It is about a 3 hour drive to Eugene. Not too bad considering we have driven a lot longer stretches with a carload. The was great. The boys were well behaved. I sat in the back only part of the time to talk to and to entertain Jonah who was-so stinking cute.

 When we got to the hotel the first thing we saw was an outdoor pool: closed, and iced over. No matter. We had other ideas in mind- we had the idea of taking the boys to this indoor waterpark that a friend recommended so all would be right in the world. After getting a bit settled we knew this was our window to get some dinner. With Rowan in mind considering he was our birthday boy we settled on the Pancake House. Jonah- the poor guy- had had enough of the car and was just tired in general cried the whole way. When we got to the restaurant he settled down and we were all happy and ready for some pancakes.Much to my surprise the door was locked. Of course, I tried to pull the door again to see if it was a muscle thing, but it was locked. I checked their hours both on their door and according to their website and we should have had an hour. But no, we were just ignored by the man who was inside mopping the floors. Maybe he didn't have peripheral vision. So, we got back in the car with an immediate outcry from both Rowan and Jonah now. We simply just had to pick the first place we saw for sanity's sake which was Cafe Yumm. Ordered. Sat Down. Sigh of relief with everyone happy. Time passed. Too much time. And Sam went had asked about our order. And they  forgot to put it in! haha! Our very apparent and unusual for Oregon family of 6 was completely overlooked. Sam got a refund and we went across the street through the McDonalds drive thru only this time with Rowan and Jonah screaming. By the time we got back to the hotel they had both cried themselves to sleep. 

Spending a night at a hotel with the stage we are in with our kids is always tricky. We were prepared for this. I was not prepared for the fumes. There was such a strong smell in our hotel room I almost didn't want to breathe too deeply, and thought there was a slight possibility we would all be dead by morning. It smelled liked cleaning supplies. It smelled as if every cleaning supply had spilled out in our room. I do attribute this to the tough night we had with Jonah. We had to relocate him to several different areas within the adjoining room. He was finally quiet. Everything was quiet. And just when I had decided to let me guard down and breathe a sigh of relief...Rowan woke up screaming crying  not knowing where he was. So I hurried to get him in hopes to not wake up Jonah which didn't work, and to have Rowan sleep with us. It seemed he was not going to go to sleep. He was just wiggly and s very awake. But, Sam seemed to be sleeping through it. I decided to forgo that situation and sneak in with Kaj and Josh to try and sleep. I told the boys to scoot over which they sleepily did. I was next to Josh who apparently is also very wiggly. He also doesn't sleep under the covers, which I wanted to sleep under the covers, and his legs were everywhere-the jimmy legs, perhaps. So not the best night sleep considering this was all happening about 3 in the morning.

Do you know how I got these scars? ha!

The next morning we took the boys down for the breakfast and also wait for the person who was meeting up with Sam to take him to his day long interview. It is always interesting watching people's faces who notice our family. I watch their eyes counting the boys. They usually smile at how silly our lives must be. Sometimes they ask if Jonah is also a boy. "Yes." "4 boys!! Wow..." Honestly I do not know how I managed 5 hours in a hotel room with the boys. We watched Jumanji, we tried napping Jonah, we played a potato head matching game, we opened Rowan's presents and frosted cupcakes, and ate some cupcakes, and played with his birthday presents but still that that all measured up to occupying that whole time is a miracle. We went and picked Sam up in the afternoon and after hearing about his interview he mentioned that there was a huge ice storm rolling in. After discussing at weighing our options we knew it was in our best interest to head out sooner than later. So, that's it. We packed up and we left. I felt like the set of John Mulaney when he goes to the doctor's to get a prescription for something for his anxiety, but doesn't want to just go in asking for drugs. He ends up waiting for 3 hours, gets an unnecessary prostrate exam, faints, and then leaves.

So, Eugene was a bust. But, of course, Rowan was happy and fine. One really special thing about Rowan and some thing I love about him is he loves when the whole family is together. Any time we are in the car together he is grinning from ear to ear. He just likes to be altogether. So do I.

So Bend has had an epic winter. In just December and January we have had 62 inches of snow. We have been buried. I have talked about the fact that the city of Bend does not plow their roads. A fact that is not optimal considering I have gotten stuck in the snow many times since I have moved here. So, because we have been getting so pummeled with snow Kaj has gone a running total of 7 days since January 2nd when school started back up after the holiday break. They have had to send plows out going against everything Bend believes in, otherwise, we probably would not have gotten out at all. Just as it seemed there was be no more snow days a middle school roof collapsed that was within out district. So, school was then cancelled again to assess all the school roofs until it was shown that all were safe. I will note that no one was hurt where the roof collapsed. Scary though. I was taking Kaj to school a couple days ago and he made the comment like, "well, maybe school will be cancelled again next Friday." And I explained that school was back in session and they will not be canceling days anymore. But, there was also a part of me thinking: Touché son, touché.