Lost and Found

 So, during our trip to Utah we spent one Sunday evening visiting with Uncle Jon and Mandy and their family. It was really fun to see them. The boys always gravitate toward their older cousin, Ben, and lucky that he is such a great kid that that's actually a good thing.

Before we left mom and dad's house I saw that Kaj had grabbed Bunny to be in the car as well as his Harry Potter book. For the tiniest of seconds I thought I should tell him to leave Bunny. But, because I knew he would just have him in the car I decided it's not that big of a deal. It was a 30 minute drive so, why not?

We spent a good amount of time at their house, and saying goodbye to their family- especially to Ben- is always a challenge. When Kaj returned to the car he began looking for Bunny, and couldn't find him. I didn't notice him ever take him out of the car so he had to be in there somewhere so
we told him to buckle up and we would look when we got home. We looked. And, he was nowhere to be seen. Kaj, in tears, called Jon to ask them to keep an out for Bunny.

It wasn't until the next day that we had officially called it. Bunny was gone. They hadn't found him and Jon's house, Sam even made a special trip back so the boys could look themselves. It was a complete dramatic scene on the way back to the house. Kaj was wailing. No joke, Wailing! Josh was crying because of how sad Kaj was. I was sad because of how sad he was. Bunny was really gone. Sam was not sad. He wasn't happy either, but he didn't think highly of the reaction, and definitely thought more that this was a lesson in life that needed to be learned. I did see that side too. But, for that day and that moment I felt like it was OK for Kaj to be that sad.

We talked to Mor Mor when we got home breaking the news. There was some lines being thrown out, "my life will never be the same," being one and "Bunny was my first friend." All of which, was dramatic, yes, but also kinda heart breaking. There were some dark theories being thrown around about what could have happened to Bunny. Odi throwing him into the garbage can on purpose was getting pretty far fetched. Kaj was going to remember July 2nd as a historical Remember Bunny day. Josh wrote on a water bottle that date and gave it to Kaj and Kaj gave him the most tender hug of gratitude for that gesture.

😂 Oh my goodness.

Weeks later. About 3 weeks after we had gotten back home from our trip Sam was taking the boys mountain biking and Kaj was moving his carseat and 🙌🏻 Bunny was under his carseat. He was in the car. He had not ever been long lost. He was in the car. 😂 After all that. Kaj was, of course, thrilled, to have him back and scolded him a little for ever going missing. I laughed as I walked in the house, and Sam says, "It's a good thing you all put on black for that one." 😂 Touche. 🐰🖤

Summer Utah Trip

 I love having a trip to look forward too. I especially love our summer trips to Utah to visit family. This year, one very exciting reason for going, was that I ran my first half marathon! I feel like as early as February this year I talked to my mom who told me about the Heber half for Autism and was thrilled to hear how many of my family members were going to be signing up. I told Sam about it, and we immediately thought that we should also sign up. Even though living in Bend has improved my attitude toward running I still hadn't exceeded running 3 miles in quite some time so working up to 13! I began running by myself and then I would also have a day I would run with Sara. But, one of the first times out with her I twisted my ankle pretty significantly and ended up with crutches be the end of the day. I took a break from running for about 3 weeks, but continued to ride my trainer--which actually helped a lot.

Anyways, I was very motivated by what it was for. I was excited to run fro Rowan, I was excited that it was important to family, and Sam was extremely supportive. He let me train every day that he had off. Now, admittedly, my speed, is a little laughable, but it was the distance I was concentrating on this time.

 The morning of the race started at quarter to 4. My brother and I ended up being the last remaining runners of the half. Whitney, only because her foot had been bothering her. It was really nice to spend the morning with Sam and talk with him on the bus ride to the start line, and blanket ourselves in the reflective heating papers--I am really not sure what they are called but they surprisingly worked! I did have a case of the "runners trots" and did have to stop at the bathroom more than once. 😬 But, such is life. Sam, pitifully ran with me for the first 4 miles, but I finally convinced him to go on without me when I needed to stop at another brother and he took me up on it. Honestly, I felt better after that because I did not want the weight of holding him up.

I also can now talk about the fact that I was 6 weeks pregnant when I ran, and it definitely changed my breathing, and I was just starting to feel sick. So, I am giving myself a break for how I did, and mostly being proud of what I did. This had been a goal, and I happy to report, I would do it again. A full?? I am really not so sure. I think I can enjoy a half and maybe not a full? At least, that is how I feel now. But, I also not that by mile 12 I knew my legs would be feeling this. I could tell they were going to stiffen up, and at the point if felt better to run than to walk. I was great crossing the finish line and seeing my boys cheering me on. They remarked later on in a family prayer they were thankful I won the race. 😂 Kids can be wonderful for self esteem sometimes. I was walking like Frankenstein that next couple days..without any exaggeration I really was struggling with all things legs. I did end up going to my sister Caitlin's Pound class on day 3. I was doing much better by then, but Sam still had a bit of a laugh with that. It was a fun class!

 The day of the race was also Jonah's birthday. Lucky for us it was his 2nd birthday and he was not very aware or else we would've felt worse. We did not get him presents. We had a cake and a fun time with the family which that's all a 2 year old really needs. But, just to speak on Jonah for a minute to simply say how lucky I feel to have him. He is such a circus clown baby. He will do anything for a laugh. He loves making playing with other kids, he can be a bit of bully 😬  but, he also sees so much horse play going on at home, I know he is not meaning it to be mean. He is sly and curious, and lovable. He is starting to say so many words and is learning more each day. He definitely thinks he is talking in full sentences. I am so so glad he is my baby boy.

 I was also so happy to spend a whole day with Kim. It was so fun to not have to worry about the time, and that Sam was kind enough to take the boys so that we could have quality time and I also got to meet her new little Calvin. It was just what the doctor ordered.

The whole trip is what I needed, and I think the boys needed it too. It has been a delightful thing to witness the cousins play with each other, and learn to play with each other. I love to see the immediate connections they have and that it doesn't seem to miss a beat in knowing how to play with each other. I wish I had snapped some pictures of the sweetness that occurred between Rowan and Addi. Rowan, really loved to help with the laundry this trip, and he would sometimes sit and wait for a long time to switch things to the dryer, but Addi sat with him for a lot of those minutes. She was was excited to help him with the laundry and she was excited for how happy he was about it. It was very sweet. Rowan, also connected with my brother this trip. He will still talk about playing in the hot tub with Sambo, and he will ask about Sambo a lot still. It seems every time we visit he forms another connection with someone else. I love to see his world expanding.

The last night we were there we went to the rodeo for the 4th of July. We had never before been to rodeo and the boys were pretty dang impressed with the cowboys. We left a little early mostly because of may irritation with a girl screaming so loudly I mean I know it's exciting but really?? You're grown. But, we stopped the car and watched the fireworks together which I ended up really loving. 

So, it was another great trip. It was filled with good memories and good boys. I am excited for more fun adventures to come!

School Year Wrap

 I should probably talk about the end of the school year before the summer is over...😳 I was really proud of all the boys and how they finished the school year strong.

Where I once had worried about Kaj at the beginning of the year and they way he was adjusting to new kids and a new teacher it was as if that time never was. He ended up making many more friends this year and buddies that I really liked. He was playing soccer every recess and he really liked his teacher. She was always complimentary on his strengths and his interests. He is such a bright kid.

Josh had a great Kindergarten year. He never needed adjusting. He jumped in with two feet right from the start. He made fast friends, was kind to everyone, showed amazing leadership qualities, and to be gushy (yes, again) he is exceeding the mark in pretty much every category. I know, I know he is in Kindergarten, but I think a strong start never hurt anyone. His teacher, who I absolutely adored, picked up on so many gifts and talents that Josh has, and was the perfect teacher to continually encourage him.

Kindergarten program

Rowan made leaps and bounds this year in the classroom. He had gone the previous year and he never ever wanted to be there. He never seemed to connect with the teachers or the other kids he would just cry. But, this year he connected with a lot of the kids and all of the teachers. It was so wonderful not to fight him to go and even better not to feel pangs of guilt in leaving him. He was happy, and they were happy to be with him too. One of his teachers in particular seemed to take a special interest in him, and I really felt that. She was especially happy to see him and to spend that time with him. Perhaps, it is me that really needs that. I need someone to see how wonderful he is so that I can feel confident in leaving in yet another place. He is up to his 25 hours in ABA and speech and admittedly it has gotten easier because we have had to get used to it. But, Sam and I, have talked many times that we are fine with it as long as we see progress and it feels like the right thing to do. As of right now, we still feel like it is the right thing. He has so much more language, a lot more expressive language and it is amazing. I want to continually be thankful for that. Steps forward can sometimes make you forget where you started. So, I think it is OK to pause and look back to be reminded of the progress. The connections Rowan makes are a lot easier and come a lot more naturally. I am relieved and happy that in the coming school year he was have the same teacher, and that he has one more year of preschool.

Preschool Program 

Jonah sitting in on the Preschool Program 😂

dressing up like Philip Carlile from the Greatest Showman last day of school

PT Barnam on the last of day school

Josh and Ms. Walden last day of school 

Great to Be 8

Baby Kaj

I seriously still can't believe it! My baby-my first baby turned 8 years old. I knew the day would come, I never really imagined what it would look or feel like, but it sure does feel an awful lot like time playing tricks. This one was a sneaky little trick. Wasn't he just barely carrying bunny with him everywhere? and making just the duck noises when we would go feed the ducks? and going on Ralph's Italian ice dates with just me and him?? He is growing up and fast now. I remember going to some of my friends children's baptisms and thinking how much their child had grown up in just a couple years, and how 8 just seemed so old, and now Kaj is there..amongst those oh so grown up kids.

It was a great birthday. We celebrated with the family. We kept it relatively low key with presents, cake, and taking the family bowling for the first time. It was actually a really fun time. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much Rowan enjoyed it. The boys would help him with the ball and get so excited for him and the pins he would knock down. On Kaj's actual birthday I had decided I would get him out of school to get his haircut, and then take him to lunch. I had friends who would do this with their kids on their birthday and I wanted to try out to see if it was a tradition worth keeping. I even treated myself in my own special way by getting pulled over by a copper and getting an enormous ticket when I was calling the school to get Kaj checked out for the day. I tried not to let that taint my mood the rest of the day--but it kinda did. But, Kaj didn't seem to notice. We went to Red Robin with Jonah and had lunch together and talked. I find myself looking at his face, and wondering if he grew even more over night. I am starting to picture him grown. It's strange.

Kaj got baptized on May 5th at 11:00. We had our own, so we put together the program. We were joined by some of the family. Whit and Justin's family came into town and Mom and Dad. It was so great to have them. Everyone stayed at our house which worked out perfectly. In my own opinion, I would not have had it any other way it was really fun having all that time together. The program went off without a hitch. My mom led the music, Whitney said the prayer, my Dad gave the talk on baptism. Kaj was attentive and reverent and seemed to really know the importance of the day. I was so proud watching him. He was then baptized. Twice. His toe popped up. Which only a mom thinks, "oh, how cute!" His toe popping up. 😍 😂 Then, the boys went to dry off. And whoops! We forgot to bring towels. 😳😂 So, when I went to go check and see how everything was going they needed to be handed many a paper towel to dry off. Mental note: do not forget to bring towels to your child's baptism. Neither of them complained at all. Kaj came out--looking a little damp still, but handsome. I then sang, "The Voice of the Spirit." I must say no matter how it sounded I will always remember looking at Kaj while I sang, and we smiled at each other, and his sweet eyes while he watched me. People commented on how sweet that moment was. I hope the song was done nicely, but I am glad I decided to sing. Kaj shared with me later, "Mom, your song was so beautiful, it almost made me cry."
Then, Justin gave the talk on the Holy Ghost, and Kaj once again, answering his questions, nodding, and listening so wonderfully. He received that Holy Ghost which is such an amazing moment that I hope he remembers. Sam did a great job.

We went out to RedRobin afterwards with the family. Everyone seemed super hungry, and ate really well. We decided to hike the butte later and then play at the park. We loved having cousins there, and the support and love was definitely felt. Honestly, I told Sam as we were wrapping up the day-I would not have changed one thing. It was such a great and special day.

I will also share that the following day it was fast Sunday. I whispered over to Kaj that he could share his testimony if he wanted. I don't think he ever realized he could go up and do that. He decided that, yes, he would. Me, being me, got nervous for him, and thought, wait, really? He asked if he could talk about anything, and I explained, just things about the gospel, and things that he knows to be true. He asked if he could share his goal. He leaned over to me, and said he was going up "after this guy." And again, I was thinking, are you sure? I mean you could wait till after the next person too?! He literally stomped up to the pulpit. It was a long walk too. He was very determined walking up there. He said, "Ever since I was baptized I made a goal to not make any mistakes. I wanted to be an example to my brothers." Then, he was done. (we had a FHE the next day on bearing testimonies) But, it really was sweet, and he had people following him saying things like they wanted to be like him, and Sister Tsang, who I believe to be the sweetest, kindest little lady in all the land, said how special his baptism was, and how attentive he was. I was bawling at many points during this meeting. I don't know--a combination of being overwhelmed with the kindness of others, and also the spirit was egging me on to go up--I have done this semi recently, and then I wait too long, and of course, they close the meeting, cause they are not going to wait for me, and then I ended up crying even more. I had to actually excuse myself from church the rest of the day because of how disastrous I was. What I learned though was a lesson from my 8 year old that day was if I feel the spirit and get the impression that I should go bear my testimony I need to go up with that same kind of determination.

mom pretending to sleep with Odi 

So, I just wanted to circle back to the family weekend we were able to have. We packed it in full of fun times. We had a really great time with all the kids, and more importantly, they had a great time with each other. It is really fun to see how well they get a long, and how much they really love each other even when they don't live close by. They don't skip a beat with really making good use of the time they have. Elsa was hilarious with Odi. She was genuinely scared of him at first. Then, 30 minutes later I would say she was following him around, pulling toys away from him and calling him, "Big fella."  😂
We went to the river, they played with beyblades 🤨 (I don't know) my boys are really into them right now. We did some bike riding and walked to the park. We went to Old Mill and to the candy shop, and even when we thought we had made a big day of things they wanted to go to another park. We had fun with the adults when the kids went to sleep and it was simply a really enjoyable weekend. I will reiterate how thankful I was for the effort that was made on their part for making the trip. I realize it was time they took out of their work and lives to drive to come to this event, but it was not overlooked. We were so grateful, and will always remember this day and I am thankful they were a part of it.

deflating the mattress

beyblades

😍

Jonah loved Addi and Addi loved him