January kickoff

The beginning of January kicked off without much changes to speak of. Except for the obvious one, which is Rowan turned 11. He had his first friend birthday party. He invited 2 friends. It was the simplest of all birthday parties. 

We took him to the Sun Mountain fun Center and gave them each a card for the arcade, got pizza, played laser tag, and brought cupcakes. Rowan seemed to really like it, and I think it made him feel like an older kid. We opted to have the other kids stay home, so that Rowan could have this chance with just his friends. 

It's strange having your kids get older. It's strange talking to friends with even older kids than mine. Hearing the stressors in their voice as they explain how hard it is raising "almost adult" children. They don't listen. You tread lightly because you know the decisions are theirs, and you just hope that your advice will land somewhere. I have heard friends wonder if they have taught their kids enough, or they feel like they failed because they feel like they didn't It's nuanced and complex. The friends I speak of have children old enough to think about missions, but they haven't decided if they want to go. My kids get excited to be older. I don't remember being all that excited. I feel like maybe I just enjoyed the age I was at the time. Except for maybe...13, 14, 15 I don't know who enjoys that. 😂 Or the lucky kids these days who seem to be unphased be puberty. When did that become something? I have these beautiful girls that I work with in Young Women's who seem to flawlessly be going through it. Good for them, but really??

We took Rowan to a Choice school option this last week. He didn't really want to go. Mind you- it was a bit my fault- because I had not prepared him at all, because it had actually completely slipped my mind, and Sam got home, and asked about it, and then we rushed out the door. We ended up missing it, but there will be another in March. I just have not known what to do when it comes to middle school and Rowan. I wish he really had one more year in elementary school. It is also weird to think that 3 kids out of elementary and not one of them will go to the same school?  I sure know how to make it harder on myself.  

We will see. In Young Women's the goal for each week is to look for God's hand in our life. I have been slow to look. But, I want to see it. I hope I can see it more. 

 

The Holiday Break

We are just finishing up a bout of holidays. We had Thanksgiving with just our family this year, we were expecting Grandma and Grandpa Jo, but last minute they got sick and couldn't make it out. We enjoyed a walk together with some friends in the morning and then had a  very nice dinner. We had someone from the ward join us, and it was very easy going. 

We are just about to finish the couple weeks off we had for Christmas break, and for the most part, I would say it was very enjoyable. Sam had a lot of time off of work, we had a lot of easy going days, but we also had a great visit with my parents, we had days playing basketball in the gym, we had ski days, we had days building legos at home, and building puzzles, and playing games. I have tremendously grateful kids. Kaj and Josh said thank you so many times Christmas Day, and I just felt very lucky to have such great kids. 

Some other highlights: We enjoyed a Beatles impersonation concert with my parents. Kaj has been hilarious with planning a chocolate milk mile on any occasion he can, and we were able to pull off the first one the day before Thanksgiving ( I truly don't understand why 😂) 

learning how to tie their christmas ties

Marshmallow men with the J's

first season playing basketball

Sunriver

Christmas Eve Christmas Crew

 

Season Wrap up

Well, it's no secret how long it has been since I have caught this up, and the more behind I got, the more I didn't see how it was possible to have sufficient memory enough for all the things going on. 

I will often find Rowan in the office reading and re-reading the other blog books I have written. He will talk about the pictures, or reference things I have written about and want to talk about those times. He will ask me when the next addition is coming out 😂 which is quite sweet. 

Jonah and little friend Miles

I even thought I could just skip ahead and just start from here, January 4th, 2025 but, as I look through all the cute pictures, I just can't do it. 

I dedicate all my books to my children. I have even spelled out how my hope is to one day have them read them. That day is here. Rowan is 11 tomorrow. Kaj will be 15 this year- he just came home from a baby sitting gig for heaven sakes! 😳 I mean- I am here- I am fully in the space I never thought I would be in when I felt like I was drowning in small humans.

Let me clarify, I really do love this place. I just don't think it will last long, I would love to pick up 3 year Joshy and spin him around just to make him laugh, I would love to sit with Kaj as my only child and have little conversations with just him, I would love to build blocks with Rowan or watch him play with potato head parts and observe his wonder. I would melt to have Jonah hugs, and to look upon my baby girl for the first time all over again. I can feel, I can see all of these memories clear as day. But, I truly also love these days too. I want to enjoy the now with my family. The now is powerful. 

Today, before I got out of bed officially today, I had Lily, Jonah, and Josh all jump into bed with me. We all got ready to go skiing, and listened to a delightful little book while we drove up the mountain. We all skied together today. Jonah and Lily went up to Manzanita - the run up from the bunny hill. Jonah did awesome, and Lily crushed it. We were all up on that mountain today.

Avi wearing a "hat"

Halloween 2024 Kaj stayed home to pass out candy with his friend, and Josh went with buddies

 

Talks with Rowan

Rowan is the best, isn't he? Rowan reads all my family books now that I have printed. He looks back at all the pictures, and reads the stories, he does this any time he is looking for something to do. He has all the books out now. I haven't even bothered to put them away lately. 

I have frequent conversations with Rowan after he has said or done something he doesn't mean to one of his siblings where he will cry and be very hard on himself. He doesn't feel like he can control himself, he doesn't feel like he can control his anger. It was one of these moments in the last couple weeks where I talk to him about choosing something different  before he gets mad, or leaving the room, or coming to talk to me. We were going through a lot of the same key points we always do. A moment of silence. I felt like I needed him remind of the conversation we once had with him about Autism. 

A couple years ago, I may have even written this down, but I felt like we needed to talk tell him about his diagnosis. I don't know if it was him getting older or what clock I felt I was up against, but I just felt like we needed to have this talk. So, Rowan sat down. Sam and I told him he had Autism. That it means his brains works a bit differently, and that it is not a bad thing. He asked, "What's wrong with me?" We said nothing is wrong with him. He then said, "ok. Is that it?" And he got up and walked out of the room. 

Well, this day, when I had the feeling to tell him, I just started out reminding if he remembered that conversation. He said, no. Which checks out. We then talked about it again. We talked about how thinks differently, how his mind sees the world, how it is actually really special. We talked about his gifts like playing the piano like he does. He asked a lot of questions. He asked who knows he it in our family and in our extended family. He asked questions about when he was diagnosed and how we could tell. He asked a lot of great questions. 

Over the next couple days he brought it up around the family, he talked about it with Kaj and Josh very candidly, he would add, "I know it's not a bad thing." I emphasized that word..because I am so grateful that he knows that. He told Jonah and Lily very casually as well. Jonah had some follow up questions and said he didn't want Rowan to have that. A very honest reaction from an 8 year old. He was very sweet, and he said it in a caring way.

Since then Rowan has given me more hugs than he has in months. Hugs, instigated by Rowan. It's amazing. A couple night after he gave me a hug as we were getting ready for bed, and he said, " you're a great mom." Oh, my heart! Rowan says what he means. Always.

Today in sacrament meeting he went to take a second cup of the water, I kinda looked at him, and whispered, "Did you already have one?" He stopped himself from taking the second one very hesitantly. 

"Well, I'm thirsty." 

I love Rowan so much!

 

The Best Dog Award

Josh put this award on Rudy one morning before he left for the day. When I saw Rudy the first time that day this is what he looked like. I let him wear it all day, because it's hilarious.

I have never posted about the dog before, and my kids really like it when I admit to liking Rudy. The truth is..I really do like Rudy..a lot. 

He is is really really good dog. He is a good listener. He loves the kids, he has endless patience, he is happy boy. 

I am very happy we have Rudy. 

I want my kids to read this. 

I am very happy we have Rudy. 

 

Spring Break 2024

 

Spring break this year was one for the books. It was absolutely one of my kids favorite times. We decided if our spring break lined up with any of my sisters we would make plans. And, plans were made. We went to Moab! It lined up with Caitlin's family. The kids had SO much fun with their cousins. We went on hikes in Arches, we swam in the pool, we played games at the house, we played at the park, and there wasn't not a moment of contention. They got a long perfectly. 

We did have a sister-mom day when we got back into town and we did the  Plunj. Sisu was written on the wall, and when my mom decided she neither wanted to be that hot or cold, we decided maybe the tattoo on her wrist wasn't quite as fitting as she thought! And we laughed and we laughed. I also will tell you how this works. You first get in the sauna, then you take your first plunge in cold cold water, when you get out you warm up on your own, and then back in the sauna. Now, I was celebrating the victory of this. I felt great, felt super strong that I had made it through, and as I did this my sisters seemed pretty confused, and then proceeded to announce that we do it all again. 

Claire teaching Lily gymnastics

Family pic Lily loves it

"the only brother" picture

Kaj turns 14

Writing when Kaj is closer to 15 now, and I feeling a little sheepish about it. How did I get this far behind? How did I not make this more of a priority. I've been slipping, I guess. Lucky for me, Kaj is still the same great kid that he was 6 months ago. (so, I guess it's just half a year later not more than that phew) 

What hasn't changed. Kaj is a "man" he likes to remind us of this pretty often. ha! Even though he may be on his way to becoming a man he still is my boy. He is "Kaj Bears" in my phone. I remember when I was adding him to my phone and he tried to to persuade me not to put him in as that I reminded him that he was always going to be Kaj bears to me, no matter how old he gets. He does sound like a man, and it is a very manly sounding for any man, so there is that. Kaj is very good hearted. He impressed all adults he interacts with time and time again, because he has actual conversations. He asks people questions, he remembers details about what is going on, and he is very polite, and interested. He is forgiving. He is a good brother. He is always willing to put aside his needs for others. Kaj still love Jai Wolf, and continues to make his own music. 

Kaj is taller than me. Maybe he was taller than me last year? But, I am not sure, it actually feels like he has now been taller than me for a long time. Kaj is making new friends all the time at OFS and his cross country. Kaj has a very strong testimony, and strong desire to follow what he believes is right. 

I am thankful for Kaj. I am thankful for the kid he was, and the kid/man that he is now. He has been patient with me, and he sees the best in me even when I don't see it myself. He has a lot he is juggling right now, and I am impressed with all he is able to do. Happy Birthday Kaj Bears.