Times with the Older boys

So, I heard women who are just older than me with kids that are just older than mine would talk about how their older kids at night would just end up hanging around a lot longer after younger kids went to bed. At times, it was discussed in a welcomed way, others times it was more like 😳 "Gosh, it would be nice to have some alone time" way. I am now in that season. 

We will get the younger kids to bed. The younger kids in this scenario is Rowan, Jonah, and Lily. (There are times where Rowan counts as the older." But, my boys will hang out well in to the night with us. I admit that there are times when I really think it would be nice to have some time alone and I will find myself being like: "Ah, You again." Some nights are really fun. I know my mom would be the first to attest how much fun she has with her kids now. 😂 And you never really think how truly enjoyable the company will end up being after so many years of taking care of littles. 

Tonight, Josh had brushed my hair for me, braided it many times,  and then we had cereal together downstairs talking. Kaj was talking about how he wants to grow his hair back out, and I was telling him please no. And we bantered for a minute about such things. Kaj has told me in detail about who has commented about liking his new haircut, and who has not, and I will tell you, that most have liked his haircut. I am no in no way surprised at this. So, I proceeded to remind him how many people liked it. Then Kaj named all the people who had liked it.  

"So, you want to grow out your hair again for a bunch of dudes?!" 

"But, dudes like pazazz!" Kaj said.

"Yeah, but, sometimes dudes are kinda gross." Josh adds from the corner of the room. 😂 And then he proceeded to fart. 

And these are how I spend my nights. 

 

Meg's 40th Birthday Celebration

We came and we conquered. It was so so fun to celebrate Meg's 40th birthday with the sistas and my mom. We were able to kinda pull off a surprise. Of course, Disneyland it always a crowd pleaser. We spent a day in Disney and the other day at California Adventure. We had some really good food, and we walked a ton! It is nuts because just a few months later Meg and her family would decide that they would be moving essentially across the country to Alabama! I am so thankful for my sister Megan. 

She can be calm but also assertive. She is kind, but knows when to speak up for things. She is an amazing mother. She is thoughtful with her responses. She is funny, and fun. She has an amazing laugh. She is thankful, and thankful for the relationships that matter to her. She is a wonderful Aunt to my kids. She is forever an example to me. I really love this time that I get to have with my family.  

 

Lily 6th Birthday

My Shmoo. Lily Bears. Baby. Baby Sauce. Shmooy Gooey. Those are her nicknames. She is such a delight. She is strong, She is learning to read and she is quickly doing so. She is such a fast learner, and she has great questions about things, and she is very well spoken for a 6 year old. She is able to describe her feelings and explain them well. It is amazing to talk to her. She is funny and fun. 

It has been so fun to see this season go by with skiing, she has surpassed me in skill (which- we know is not hard to do 😂) but she is only 6. I skied with her today, and she helped push me out of my comfort zone! She is great sister. She notices when her brothers need something or want something and she is often the first to offer up a way for them to have it. I love reading to her at night time. We have been reading the Narwhal and Jelly books right now, and they are a darling series. She loves going for walks, I love going on walks with her. She loves to talk. Sometimes if we are just listening to music in the car even for just a few minutes she will ask me why no on is talking.  She is also a very great swimmer. She was able to get into a lady in town who it took initially about a year to get into, but we finally secured a spot and Lily is so fun to watch. She is able to do all these strokes correctly and looks darling doing it. She loves unicorns and dinosaurs. She loves running and racing the car home. She loves riding her bike, doing everything her brothers are doing. She like watching Mr. Beast. She does love me..🥰 I am lucky I can say that. She draws so many pictures of me and her together. It makes my heart fly when she brings things home from school. She loves playing games with her unicorns, and she loves being with her girl cousins. 

She is unbelievably special. I cannot believe she is 6...because she only gets older from her. But, that's also exciting and I have to remember that. I have to remember how lucky I am to watch her grow up. She will always be my little girl though, and I hope she can aways come to me for any reason under the sun. I am there for her, always. 

 

January kickoff

The beginning of January kicked off without much changes to speak of. Except for the obvious one, which is Rowan turned 11. He had his first friend birthday party. He invited 2 friends. It was the simplest of all birthday parties. 

We took him to the Sun Mountain fun Center and gave them each a card for the arcade, got pizza, played laser tag, and brought cupcakes. Rowan seemed to really like it, and I think it made him feel like an older kid. We opted to have the other kids stay home, so that Rowan could have this chance with just his friends. 

It's strange having your kids get older. It's strange talking to friends with even older kids than mine. Hearing the stressors in their voice as they explain how hard it is raising "almost adult" children. They don't listen. You tread lightly because you know the decisions are theirs, and you just hope that your advice will land somewhere. I have heard friends wonder if they have taught their kids enough, or they feel like they failed because they feel like they didn't It's nuanced and complex. The friends I speak of have children old enough to think about missions, but they haven't decided if they want to go. My kids get excited to be older. I don't remember being all that excited. I feel like maybe I just enjoyed the age I was at the time. Except for maybe...13, 14, 15 I don't know who enjoys that. 😂 Or the lucky kids these days who seem to be unphased be puberty. When did that become something? I have these beautiful girls that I work with in Young Women's who seem to flawlessly be going through it. Good for them, but really??

We took Rowan to a Choice school option this last week. He didn't really want to go. Mind you- it was a bit my fault- because I had not prepared him at all, because it had actually completely slipped my mind, and Sam got home, and asked about it, and then we rushed out the door. We ended up missing it, but there will be another in March. I just have not known what to do when it comes to middle school and Rowan. I wish he really had one more year in elementary school. It is also weird to think that 3 kids out of elementary and not one of them will go to the same school?  I sure know how to make it harder on myself.  

We will see. In Young Women's the goal for each week is to look for God's hand in our life. I have been slow to look. But, I want to see it. I hope I can see it more. 

 

The Holiday Break

We are just finishing up a bout of holidays. We had Thanksgiving with just our family this year, we were expecting Grandma and Grandpa Jo, but last minute they got sick and couldn't make it out. We enjoyed a walk together with some friends in the morning and then had a  very nice dinner. We had someone from the ward join us, and it was very easy going. 

We are just about to finish the couple weeks off we had for Christmas break, and for the most part, I would say it was very enjoyable. Sam had a lot of time off of work, we had a lot of easy going days, but we also had a great visit with my parents, we had days playing basketball in the gym, we had ski days, we had days building legos at home, and building puzzles, and playing games. I have tremendously grateful kids. Kaj and Josh said thank you so many times Christmas Day, and I just felt very lucky to have such great kids. 

Some other highlights: We enjoyed a Beatles impersonation concert with my parents. Kaj has been hilarious with planning a chocolate milk mile on any occasion he can, and we were able to pull off the first one the day before Thanksgiving ( I truly don't understand why 😂) 

learning how to tie their christmas ties

Marshmallow men with the J's

first season playing basketball

Sunriver

Christmas Eve Christmas Crew

 

Season Wrap up

Well, it's no secret how long it has been since I have caught this up, and the more behind I got, the more I didn't see how it was possible to have sufficient memory enough for all the things going on. 

I will often find Rowan in the office reading and re-reading the other blog books I have written. He will talk about the pictures, or reference things I have written about and want to talk about those times. He will ask me when the next addition is coming out 😂 which is quite sweet. 

Jonah and little friend Miles

I even thought I could just skip ahead and just start from here, January 4th, 2025 but, as I look through all the cute pictures, I just can't do it. 

I dedicate all my books to my children. I have even spelled out how my hope is to one day have them read them. That day is here. Rowan is 11 tomorrow. Kaj will be 15 this year- he just came home from a baby sitting gig for heaven sakes! 😳 I mean- I am here- I am fully in the space I never thought I would be in when I felt like I was drowning in small humans.

Let me clarify, I really do love this place. I just don't think it will last long, I would love to pick up 3 year Joshy and spin him around just to make him laugh, I would love to sit with Kaj as my only child and have little conversations with just him, I would love to build blocks with Rowan or watch him play with potato head parts and observe his wonder. I would melt to have Jonah hugs, and to look upon my baby girl for the first time all over again. I can feel, I can see all of these memories clear as day. But, I truly also love these days too. I want to enjoy the now with my family. The now is powerful. 

Today, before I got out of bed officially today, I had Lily, Jonah, and Josh all jump into bed with me. We all got ready to go skiing, and listened to a delightful little book while we drove up the mountain. We all skied together today. Jonah and Lily went up to Manzanita - the run up from the bunny hill. Jonah did awesome, and Lily crushed it. We were all up on that mountain today.

Avi wearing a "hat"

Halloween 2024 Kaj stayed home to pass out candy with his friend, and Josh went with buddies

 

Talks with Rowan

Rowan is the best, isn't he? Rowan reads all my family books now that I have printed. He looks back at all the pictures, and reads the stories, he does this any time he is looking for something to do. He has all the books out now. I haven't even bothered to put them away lately. 

I have frequent conversations with Rowan after he has said or done something he doesn't mean to one of his siblings where he will cry and be very hard on himself. He doesn't feel like he can control himself, he doesn't feel like he can control his anger. It was one of these moments in the last couple weeks where I talk to him about choosing something different  before he gets mad, or leaving the room, or coming to talk to me. We were going through a lot of the same key points we always do. A moment of silence. I felt like I needed him remind of the conversation we once had with him about Autism. 

A couple years ago, I may have even written this down, but I felt like we needed to talk tell him about his diagnosis. I don't know if it was him getting older or what clock I felt I was up against, but I just felt like we needed to have this talk. So, Rowan sat down. Sam and I told him he had Autism. That it means his brains works a bit differently, and that it is not a bad thing. He asked, "What's wrong with me?" We said nothing is wrong with him. He then said, "ok. Is that it?" And he got up and walked out of the room. 

Well, this day, when I had the feeling to tell him, I just started out reminding if he remembered that conversation. He said, no. Which checks out. We then talked about it again. We talked about how thinks differently, how his mind sees the world, how it is actually really special. We talked about his gifts like playing the piano like he does. He asked a lot of questions. He asked who knows he it in our family and in our extended family. He asked questions about when he was diagnosed and how we could tell. He asked a lot of great questions. 

Over the next couple days he brought it up around the family, he talked about it with Kaj and Josh very candidly, he would add, "I know it's not a bad thing." I emphasized that word..because I am so grateful that he knows that. He told Jonah and Lily very casually as well. Jonah had some follow up questions and said he didn't want Rowan to have that. A very honest reaction from an 8 year old. He was very sweet, and he said it in a caring way.

Since then Rowan has given me more hugs than he has in months. Hugs, instigated by Rowan. It's amazing. A couple night after he gave me a hug as we were getting ready for bed, and he said, " you're a great mom." Oh, my heart! Rowan says what he means. Always.

Today in sacrament meeting he went to take a second cup of the water, I kinda looked at him, and whispered, "Did you already have one?" He stopped himself from taking the second one very hesitantly. 

"Well, I'm thirsty." 

I love Rowan so much!