Truth be told, I am not feeling myself the last few days. I have had a guilt settle as I make our house more and more chaotic. I get the feeling Kaj is trying to make sense of everything going on. It is hard to explain to a 2 year old what is happening with all the boxes. Though, I have explained with tear filled eyes that we would be saying good bye to his friends, and quickly recovered by telling him where we are moving too. "Amma's, and Ampa's." This home is a big deal for many reasons. For Kaj, this is where he made he first friends. Before we moved here, he was too little to care, and now he is used to seeing the sweet faces of these same kids time and time again, I can tell him where we are going- to see Ella, or Crew, or and Henry and Jane, or Cadence and Kennedy (though if he can tell those girls apart he is quite gifted) I know he knows them. And, I also know he likes to be around them.
Another big deal is the fact the when we came to New York there was only 3 members of our family, and we are now 4. Josh's first home. I know that Josh will not remember being here. But, I know that there are many friends of mine who will not forget this baby boy. A dear friend of mine left for Christmas vacation before I leave, and witnessing her saying goodbye to Josh was not an easy thing.
I don't do this often but, today I looked around and thought "is this my life?" I am a mom. I started thinking "what could/would I be doing if I wasn't a mom?" Well, the sad truth was as I began throwing myself a grand pity party, I thought "wow..there is nothing else I am really that good at that I could be doing instead, and I am really not that great of mom, so... this really stinks." It is just one of those days... and because just like my sleeves where I wear emotions, I also write in the exact honest mood I am in. I will chalk it up to the fact that we are moving, the house now has limited space, I am trying desperately to create normalcy for these little boys, but I believe I am failing them right now.
However, the moment I loaded these pictures to look at the faces of these kids...and being a mom to these two knuckle heads is the joy I can't live without.
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| This is how Kaj rode in the cart the whole grocery store event ha! |
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| The Merriest Christmas house ever!! |
I finally made it to the city! I was so happy to have with me Kim and Terri!
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| Actually ice skated at the Rockafellar Center |
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| "V" is for...creeper stalker van? |
Truth be told, I am not feeling myself the last few days. I have had a guilt settle as I make our house more and more chaotic. I get the feeling Kaj is trying to make sense of everything going on. It is hard to explain to a 2 year old what is happening with all the boxes. Though, I have explained with tear filled eyes that we would be saying good bye to his friends, and quickly recovered by telling him where we are moving too. "Amma's, and Ampa's." This home is a big deal for many reasons. For Kaj, this is where he made he first friends. Before we moved here, he was too little to care, and now he is used to seeing the sweet faces of these same kids time and time again, I can tell him where we are going- to see Ella, or Crew, or and Henry and Jane, or Cadence and Kennedy (though if he can tell those girls apart he is quite gifted) I know he knows them. And, I also know he likes to be around them. 
Are you here yet? I feel like you've been driving forever... every time I check instagram your somewhere new, and not in UT. Change can be hard eh? But with an attitude like yours, you'll do great no matter where you are! I'm happy your back... we'll talk soon I hope..
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