It started with a video clip. Scanning through social media for a spare moment today, I played a clip that was the "top 10 things to know for a first time parent." They had all different parents giving their own top 10 reasons and then tied a bunch of them together. It was all good advice, sweet, funny, tender, and ending on the note: "slow down, you will want these moments back." Of course, I have heard this before. Mostly some reflective person at the grocery store says something like this to me looking at my 3 boys. There are days when want them to stay little, and there are days when I want Rowan to catch up, but today I want to remember them little. Kaj had a hard night- he didn't want to eat dinner, he cried about it, and was sent upstairs, Sam briefed him on the ways he could join us again, and he decided against it. Sam and I went into discussion on what we can do better for him. He is such a good boy, and we always want him to be a good boy. We worry. As all parents worry. Perhaps, stemming from a lot of thought about his starting kindergarten so soon, and despite the fact I have now talked to many parents about the school, about the feelings they had sending their first to kindergarten, and though I feel consoled in the moment, I go back to worrying. Truly, I am going to miss Kaj.
 |
| mom and Kaj date |
I had gone upstairs to see how Kaj was doing, he was still whimpering, but I discovered he had a fever. So, I got him some medicine, Bunny, and some water, and with sick eyes over and over he kept saying: "Mom, I love you." "I love you too, Kaj." "Mom, I love you tons and tons. I love you when I am 100 100." Tears start filling my eyes. "I love you when I am 100 100 too." "I love you with all the ages." Mind you, this was probably from the delirium of tired and sickness, but it was so sweet. He then asked me to sing "the rainbow song." It has been the song I have always sung to Kaj since he was born, and there are many nights where I rush through it-sometimes annoyed at the day and just want to be done, but tonight I wanted to remember the moment. There could be a day when they no longer want me to sing to them, I hope it is a day that is very far away. I hope that I can slow down and enjoy these boys now. The sweet, fun, great boys they are.
 |
| Kaj and Crosby and the annual balloon glow |
It started with a video clip. Scanning through social media for a spare moment today, I played a clip that was the "top 10 things to know for a first time parent." They had all different parents giving their own top 10 reasons and then tied a bunch of them together. It was all good advice, sweet, funny, tender, and ending on the note: "slow down, you will want these moments back." Of course, I have heard this before. Mostly some reflective person at the grocery store says something like this to me looking at my 3 boys. There are days when want them to stay little, and there are days when I want Rowan to catch up, but today I want to remember them little. Kaj had a hard night- he didn't want to eat dinner, he cried about it, and was sent upstairs, Sam briefed him on the ways he could join us again, and he decided against it. Sam and I went into discussion on what we can do better for him. He is such a good boy, and we always want him to be a good boy. We worry. As all parents worry. Perhaps, stemming from a lot of thought about his starting kindergarten so soon, and despite the fact I have now talked to many parents about the school, about the feelings they had sending their first to kindergarten, and though I feel consoled in the moment, I go back to worrying. Truly, I am going to miss Kaj. 
No comments:
Post a Comment