I have been struggling with a number of things lately. Time management being number one. I have high hopes every day waking up and attacking my "to do" list with vigor, but find it very difficult how often Jonah cries. And cries. And cries. Yes, this boy cries a whole lot. I look at his sweet sleeping little face sometimes and think: how could it be possible that you are the same baby. School started last week and I thought certainly I would have more time to do the things I needed too...when time is serving you up a platter of a mad baby-school in session does not suddenly trigger the change. Of course, I love Jonah. I just have to take breaks when I need to, and appreciate the quiet times and the little smiles he will sometimes give me. I mean really appreciate it.
The second pressing struggle is just change. A change in me. I feel like I have been praying for this for so long. An ability to become the version of what Heavenly Father would want me to be. And I am here to report that no such change has happened and I suppose this is when patience comes in. I just imagine myself so much better than this. A version that I am great mother, a caring spouse, a more present sister and daughter and friend. The version that is confident and unapologetic of who I am. I truly just want a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven.Jonah was blessed a couple weeks ago. It was a short and sweet blessing. And a very sweet day that was spent with good friends who made Jonah feel very special. I know he is. I hope that during this time that I can be the kind of mother who is patient with him and can put my "to do" on the back burner a little longer just to being alright to hold him when he cries.
No comments:
Post a Comment