Rowan's Birthday and Loads of Snow

Happy 3 year old

And just as the New Year rings in...it's Rowans's birthday. I have said this before: it's a sneaky birthday. I think about it prior to Christmas, yes, however, I have never done anything about because I just want to get past Christmas and then think about it. But, it never does give me much thinking time. So, Rowan turned 3. Rowan can be a ray of sunshine. If Rowan is happy things are great. He is delightful. He can win a prize for the best smile and the best laugh in any...smile/laugh competitions. He is very energetic. He loves any time he can run around, and jump, or slide that is him in his element. Rowan...is also pretty challenging at this time. I am saying it nicely. It is very challenging with him right now. Sam and I often say to each other we don't know what to do. He is 3. The terrible 3's and he very often wants contradicting things at the same time. Rowan began private speech sessions, and will also begin classes once a week which will hopefully catch him up in the communication department. This has been the cherry on top of what I believe is making it tougher than what we are used to. Rowan is not where he should be in his expressive language. I do believe that we are taking all the right steps to get him on track, and I continually get positive feedback on his progress. I suppose Rowan is the child (right now) that I worry about. We love him. That's a given, but I worry if he is not where he should be in a year it will really affect him in a lot of areas. He gets by on his charms, his energy, and he looks...it's kinda true. 

Rowan's birthday this year we went to Eugene as a family because Sam had an interview there. So, we all made the trek together in hopes for some fun and some swimming at the hotel. It is about a 3 hour drive to Eugene. Not too bad considering we have driven a lot longer stretches with a carload. The was great. The boys were well behaved. I sat in the back only part of the time to talk to and to entertain Jonah who was-so stinking cute.

 When we got to the hotel the first thing we saw was an outdoor pool: closed, and iced over. No matter. We had other ideas in mind- we had the idea of taking the boys to this indoor waterpark that a friend recommended so all would be right in the world. After getting a bit settled we knew this was our window to get some dinner. With Rowan in mind considering he was our birthday boy we settled on the Pancake House. Jonah- the poor guy- had had enough of the car and was just tired in general cried the whole way. When we got to the restaurant he settled down and we were all happy and ready for some pancakes.Much to my surprise the door was locked. Of course, I tried to pull the door again to see if it was a muscle thing, but it was locked. I checked their hours both on their door and according to their website and we should have had an hour. But no, we were just ignored by the man who was inside mopping the floors. Maybe he didn't have peripheral vision. So, we got back in the car with an immediate outcry from both Rowan and Jonah now. We simply just had to pick the first place we saw for sanity's sake which was Cafe Yumm. Ordered. Sat Down. Sigh of relief with everyone happy. Time passed. Too much time. And Sam went had asked about our order. And they  forgot to put it in! haha! Our very apparent and unusual for Oregon family of 6 was completely overlooked. Sam got a refund and we went across the street through the McDonalds drive thru only this time with Rowan and Jonah screaming. By the time we got back to the hotel they had both cried themselves to sleep. 

Spending a night at a hotel with the stage we are in with our kids is always tricky. We were prepared for this. I was not prepared for the fumes. There was such a strong smell in our hotel room I almost didn't want to breathe too deeply, and thought there was a slight possibility we would all be dead by morning. It smelled liked cleaning supplies. It smelled as if every cleaning supply had spilled out in our room. I do attribute this to the tough night we had with Jonah. We had to relocate him to several different areas within the adjoining room. He was finally quiet. Everything was quiet. And just when I had decided to let me guard down and breathe a sigh of relief...Rowan woke up screaming crying  not knowing where he was. So I hurried to get him in hopes to not wake up Jonah which didn't work, and to have Rowan sleep with us. It seemed he was not going to go to sleep. He was just wiggly and s very awake. But, Sam seemed to be sleeping through it. I decided to forgo that situation and sneak in with Kaj and Josh to try and sleep. I told the boys to scoot over which they sleepily did. I was next to Josh who apparently is also very wiggly. He also doesn't sleep under the covers, which I wanted to sleep under the covers, and his legs were everywhere-the jimmy legs, perhaps. So not the best night sleep considering this was all happening about 3 in the morning.

Do you know how I got these scars? ha!

The next morning we took the boys down for the breakfast and also wait for the person who was meeting up with Sam to take him to his day long interview. It is always interesting watching people's faces who notice our family. I watch their eyes counting the boys. They usually smile at how silly our lives must be. Sometimes they ask if Jonah is also a boy. "Yes." "4 boys!! Wow..." Honestly I do not know how I managed 5 hours in a hotel room with the boys. We watched Jumanji, we tried napping Jonah, we played a potato head matching game, we opened Rowan's presents and frosted cupcakes, and ate some cupcakes, and played with his birthday presents but still that that all measured up to occupying that whole time is a miracle. We went and picked Sam up in the afternoon and after hearing about his interview he mentioned that there was a huge ice storm rolling in. After discussing at weighing our options we knew it was in our best interest to head out sooner than later. So, that's it. We packed up and we left. I felt like the set of John Mulaney when he goes to the doctor's to get a prescription for something for his anxiety, but doesn't want to just go in asking for drugs. He ends up waiting for 3 hours, gets an unnecessary prostrate exam, faints, and then leaves.

So, Eugene was a bust. But, of course, Rowan was happy and fine. One really special thing about Rowan and some thing I love about him is he loves when the whole family is together. Any time we are in the car together he is grinning from ear to ear. He just likes to be altogether. So do I.

So Bend has had an epic winter. In just December and January we have had 62 inches of snow. We have been buried. I have talked about the fact that the city of Bend does not plow their roads. A fact that is not optimal considering I have gotten stuck in the snow many times since I have moved here. So, because we have been getting so pummeled with snow Kaj has gone a running total of 7 days since January 2nd when school started back up after the holiday break. They have had to send plows out going against everything Bend believes in, otherwise, we probably would not have gotten out at all. Just as it seemed there was be no more snow days a middle school roof collapsed that was within out district. So, school was then cancelled again to assess all the school roofs until it was shown that all were safe. I will note that no one was hurt where the roof collapsed. Scary though. I was taking Kaj to school a couple days ago and he made the comment like, "well, maybe school will be cancelled again next Friday." And I explained that school was back in session and they will not be canceling days anymore. But, there was also a part of me thinking: Touché son, touché.

Christmas Time Christensen Style

My 4 handsome boys

Crazy Josh 

 Christmas time of 2016 was spent away from family this year and at home. I must say as I think about the things that we were able to do as a family: sledding, baking, picking out and decorating the tree, playing in the snow, and just being together playing games it was wonderful. I definitely missed being around the rest of the family on Christmas eve and Christmas especially when I saw all the pictures on my phone  reminding me that oh yes they still made plans even when we aren't there haha I thought maybe they would you know cancel everything on the account we weren't able to make it.
   As usual I broke out the Christmas music after Thanksgiving putting decorations away and the boys were even excited about the music especially Rowan who always smiles at me with a look like, "Woman, you are crazy, mom." Because there are always dancing that goes along with it and if anyone knows how well I dance...well grace is it not exactly my strong suit. Nor coordination. I love sledding at Wanoga with the boys this year. Josh, who can be timid at first went down the mountain fearlessly. It was a little frightening. Sam or I went down with Rowan, however, he did not like if snow got on him which it often does when sledding. I had to carry Jonah and boy he got Heavy!
     We attended some Christmas parties and won the Ninja bread man kit which was great because we got a ninja bread book this year that actually did not come with ninja bread cookie cutters so a little tradition could be in the making. Speaking of traditions we had our grinch night with grinch treats, and read lots of Christmas books, and decided for Christmas eve to make chili and cornbread-a favorite at our house. We watched the Santa tracker and set out cookies for Santa.

It was especially fun this year because Sam was really involved in all the presents. In years past I  I got the gifts and the wrapping done and Sam was just as surprised come Christmas morning. This year we decided together what we were getting for everyone, and Christmas eve Sam and I were the elves wrapping the presents and watching the worst Christmas movie ever...like elves do. It was about a woman who fell in love with a ghost. The spirit...of Christmas :/ But, it was so much more preferred. It was fun. This year Christmas was on a Sunday so we woke up made monkey bread and opened presents and went to an hour of church. The boys some humungous legos sets and it took a few days to put them together and honestly... a really addicting hobby. Apparently I enjoy putting legos together. 

Ninja bread men

Also, a really nice feature to our Christmas holiday was the fact that Sam took 2 weeks off. It was great having him home. The boys loved it, I loved it, and he actually didn't want to go back to work when the time was up. Of course, in true holiday fashion, what I loved most was the time spent with my boys. What's not to love about fun snow days, coming home turning the fire on by a beautiful tree, listening to Christmas music, and sipping hot chocolate? Exactly. 

ensuring his presents Christmas Eve

It is beautiful here

Merry Christmas

In Regards to the Daughter I Didn't Have

We are 6 months into this after having baby Jonah and I will still hear conversations between Kaj and Josh talking, "And if we have another baby" or "When we have another baby." But, mister Jonah bears is the bookend baby. He is adored in every way. His brothers love him so much. They talk with him, hold him, and laugh with him. He's a lucky kid. Truth is, 6 months in, and I am still unraveling my feelings about not having a baby girl. What is to unravel? I had a boy. But, there are things to unravel because the thought can still sting. That's how I know.

I will sometimes think thoughts like: I couldn't be a mom to a girl. I'm just not girly enough. (Of course this is not a logical reason) But honestly, boy after boy after boy after boy I really have become less and less girly. I was tucking my pajama bottoms into my socks the other night and I was telling Sam in order to keep warm at night this is what needs to be done. Sam teasingly turned to Jonah whom he was holding and said, "There's your mom again always keeping it classy." haha!! I don't think I am complete hot mess but probably 90% of this winter has me in my ponytail, comfy clothes, and maybe a little make up on. But, I do believe I would want to paint little fingernails, and curl long hair and accessorize with pretty bows when she is little. More importantly I would want her to be  confident, smart, and a lot more sure of herself than I ever was. I pictured Sam with a little girl. How he would care for her, and look at her lovingly. I thought of a sister with all her brothers surrounding her, Protective and doting.

I also think about my mom and my sisters. I think about the relationships I have with these important women. I think how I will never experience a mother/daughter relationship. I won't. I will never know what that feels like. I will only get to imagine what it could have been like. That will be the closest I ever get.

Now, the tone of this is not mopey-it's not supposed to be-it's a matter of fact. Sam imagined we would have had a little girl with blonde hair and olive skin ( which track record wise she would not have had blonde hair) but that is about as far as I can get...just the image of her I had in my head. I don't know the degree of sass versus sweetness or spunk versus seriousness. I can't think how much she would like dolls, dance, or other sports. I couldn't make up her personality. I can think of the relationship I would have wanted to have with any daughter. That's it.

I have my sons. I love them. I love each of them, and I know each of them. I don't have to paint pictures--they are 4 of the most handsome and sweet boys I could have ever dreamed up. I was not given a daughter. I was given these boys. I intend to be the best mom of boys that I can be since this is my specialty I hope I am doing a good job already. In regards to the daughter I didn't have...  I would have loved her. But, my reality is I get to love these 4 boys of mine every day.