Never Get Old

 How many times did I hear my Grandpa say this?? He said it even more near the end of his life. We always chuckled a little bit because, of course, you can't stop this from happening. You can't stop the time from moving forward and from your body aging if only with your consent. 

I feel like I am starting to believe it. I see it now. If I see it now I will see it even more later...or maybe that's when I will feel it. I will feel old. I think that's the issue right now. I don't really feel it. I am more or less convinced that I am still young. That I still look young and that I am aware of the trends, and the fads- what's in and what is not. I learn a little every day that I am really not. I think you need to be much more invested in social media to be know these things now a days. (See! "now a days" that phrase alone sounds so old! 😆) I still feel like I should have the face of young- might I add even beautiful girl- if only I had realized it- only to have moments where it's too blatant that I do not. 

I am going to a Lasik consultation soon and I have needed to wear my glasses the last few weeks. As I lovingly was helping Jonah wipe his buns he looked at me and said "You look old with your glasses." 😂👍🏻 Thank you! Just exactly what I have been thinking. To help myself feel the tiniest better I took them off and asked, "what about now?" And he said "no." 😅 But, then as I sheepishly put them back on again he reminded me again. "Now you look old again." 

Rowan is very excited to be turning 9. Not 8- the birthday that is coming up, but 9. We have to remind him that he needs to just enjoy being a kid. He needs to enjoy his time when he is 8. I think all kids do that a bit. They think about what it will be like to be 16 and drive, to have more freedoms to stay up late-I did. We all did. If only they really could understand just how much we mean it. 

So, perhaps, with that same advice I may have to give that to myself now. I need to enjoy the time I have now. I can love the movement that I have in my body. I can run, I can walk, I can hike, I can play with my kids- even if things sag more I can do all of this living. I wouldn't want to look back in 30 years and remember how I complained when I was 38. (Josh is so nice and still says things like I am 26) Or there is Rowan who has bringing my age into everything. 

He broke his glasses at school one day. I got a text from the Amber, who is the bishop's wife, and she asked if we had anything to repair the glasses. I thanked her for letting me know and called to make sure I could bring them in later only to hear from her later and she said that they had tied a string and kept the glasses together in the meantime. She then laughed and said Rowan had told her, "My mom is 38 and she might be upset that I broke my glasses." 😂 Those two go together, right? 💁🏼‍♀️ I told the funny story to Sheridan at ABA later and she said they talked a lot that day about how I was 38. 

I guess the only thing I can really do is be the best 38 year old version of myself-that's all I can really do.

I will end this with a unrelated story that if I don't write down somewhere I could forget. Last week Wanye and D'Lonna Nelson came over to our house so Sam could look at spot on Wayne's ear. I need to back up the story to a year ago. They were building a mansion and we had recently moved into our house. They invited us to have a tour of their house. It was very cool. It had everything you could imagine wanting in a dream house. They had a huge playroom with a slide going into it, a pickle ball court, a climbing wall..that's one room. Each of their boys had their own suite, a swimming pool, a theatre room, two ovens.. It was amazing. 

Sam and I as we left that day discussing how cool the house was asked ourselves "should we..invite them over to give them a tour our house." 😂😂 I mean- c'mon thats so funny. Because obviously-not the same thing. We laughed and we laughed. Fast forward. Sam says "Wayne is coming over to have my look at a spot on his ear." K "Should we give them a tour of our house?" We laughed again at the old funny joke we had made. 

They come over. They have their dog with them. There is a lot going on. Josh decides to say after exchanging pleasantries. "Hey D'Lonna-my parents wanted to give you a tour of our small house!" 

Kids are the worst. So, I guess to tie it all in. Kids should enjoy their time because they can only get away with saying something like that for a very short window of time. 

My kids are Growing Up

The Summer is about wrapped up. I feel like we have been able to fit a lot in, and I hope to fit in even more before we go back to school. Oh...back to school. It used to be so simple. Who would have thought that just the simple act of sending your kids back to school would have feelings other than great joy correlated with it. It is not that way anymore. I have had so much anxiety around this than I would like to admit. I have had so many conversations with other mothers, I have been back and forth countless many times on whether or not I will send them back, but, ultimately, we landed on sending them. Kaj wants to go to middle school. I do not want him to go. Oh yeah...you wanted me to say that again, right? Middle school. I know. They start it in 6th grade here. So, my Kaj bears, is going to be in junior high. Rowan really wants to go to school, and Josh said he would do whatever Rowan wants to do. I would be fine if they chose to stay home too. I just don't feel great about any of it though. If I were to break into a percentage 🧐 probably 60/40 with wanting them to stay home and do home school, but it depends on the day, right. Ha! Sometimes it's 100% I want them to go! 

Lily started a little dance class over the summer. She didn't like the first time, but she was so cute to watch by the end. Lily talks very well, and quite a lot. She is very close to potty training. In fact, I think I could just train her and she would be great, but in my head she still seems so little. But, she often goes completely independently. Or, there is also the option where she will poop in her diaper and proceed to take off her diaper and put said poop into the potty to flush it. She will come tell Sam or I about her "Big poop" and usually we will have caught things quick enough it's never too bad to deal with. Other than the fact, that she takes off her diaper with a poop inside.

However, the other day, as I was doing primary work on my computer, and all the kids were upstairs playing happily. Suddenly, I hear little footsteps coming down the steps, I knew it was Lily. What was she saying. "Mom, big poop" I look up to see her, pants around her ankles waddling toward me with nothing else on. Panic. After all, she is now all the way downstairs. "Where's the big poop?!" I ask her. Hoping the answer is: In the potty. Not this time. "Right there." She turns around to show me her messy buns. I pick her up and come upon the scene of half a million wipes that she had used to remedy the situation herself all of which had varying amounts of...remnants ok, poop on it. I got her all cleaned up. 😅 Crisis averted. Then, I noticed her hands. 😆 I will say no more. My point is, she wants to do everything herself. 

Lily's first dance class

My sweet Jonah is going to preschool. He is the only kid that I feel sure about school wise. We decided to hold him back a year from kindergarten, which I am so thankful that I made that decision, and I made it early, so while I had been flip flopping all over with everyone else I knew Jonah was going to be in good hands. Jonah, lately, has improved so much! His speech, his attitude, his listening, all of it. Not to say, there aren't still moments, there are still many, but I can see a positive change. My all time favorite thing that Jonah says to me is: I like your heart. He will say it randomly at times, other times it will be when we ask him to do something he doesn't really want to do he will say, "I still love your heart, mom." Sometimes he will just say when he is going to bed. It melts mine. 

One thing I decided to do with my older boys over the summer was go through the unit of sexual reproduction and maturation before Kaj started middle school. I had intended to do the unit with Kaj last year with homeschool, but we all remember how that turned out. But, I definitely wanted to have the discussion with me before they started hearing things at school. I have never seen Josh's eyes go so wide 😂 and he proceeded to ask me, "Do you have to do that?" 😂 Oh dear! But, we got through it! 

I am feeling sad to look back through pictures and see my littles being so little. It is true what people say. It does go by fast. I didn't believe them. and most of the time I wanted to say "Promise?" Now, I just want to hold on them so tight. I hope they like me when they are older.  I hope they will still talk to me. I need to just be sure to love them and tell them every day. Even on bad days. 

 

Can I have one of those, madam

When you are so far behind on your blog, you start with something applicable. I just picked up new glasses for Rowan. (not pictured) We went for a follow up eye doctor appointment a couple weeks ago where they discovered his astigmatism has gotten worse and they strongly recommended he wear glasses. It was a bit of hard news to take in because, of course, I love Rowan's handsome face just the way it is. But, there we were, in the optometry office picking out Rowan's new face. "It's a lot of pressure." We didn't want to end up with the Gloria Vanderbilt collection, "He sold me ladies glasses!" We were there in our masks about to pick out Rowan's first pair of glasses. I thought it was pretty ridiculous to try and do this and every pair of glasses Rowan tried he would look at himself and make a stink face. He handed them back to the lady, "Thanks, but no thanks," Rowan said, "I don't think I am going to get glasses today."  😂 Oh Rowan! We love you. I then asked if we can remove his mask- there is no way I can pick glasses for my son with a mask on. Not a problem. What a weird world we live in right now. 

I was so lucky that I was able to take a trip out to Utah this for spring break. It was a trip I planned on taking regardless if Sam could join, and in the end, he couldn't get the time off. So, I bravely went with all my 5 kids and hit the road before 7 am.  We didn't quite make it to Burns when suddenly in my side mirror I see that we are losing things from the top of the car. With not much traffic but the occasional semi truck I pulled over for a team huddle but before I even said a word Kaj and Josh got out of the car and started running down the road to get the things. We lost Lily's  blankets and her scooter. But, we were traveling at a fast clip and the items we lost were a lot farther away than the boys must have thought. But, they did get them. Josh was in tears holding Lily's broken scooter. It was going to be OK. The yakima had opened slightly but I made sure it was secure, and we continued with no other issues. But, in the moment I had a hesitation if this is how the trip is starting than what else could go wrong? But, had to try. It was actually one of the most fun trips to Utah. We had a great time visiting. We loved seeing cousins and the kids were awesome. I couldn't ask for better kids. 

Sometimes. 

 

When Rowan got Locked in the Bathroom

There was a day when Josh woke up and told me that no one should shut their bathroom door all the way because if you did you would locked in. I went to inspect what he was talking about, and sure enough, that the door knob was in such a way that when you twisted the handle the latch bolt would not move back all the way and you would be locked in. I did not test it, but I also noticed that it took more effort to shut the door all the way so, I just left if for the time thinking no one would need to do that, and then when Sam was done with work that day we would tackle fixing the door. 

It was Wednesday and Wednesdays have been the busy day for quite some time. Josh had started school but it was early day and we would need to go to piano soon after. I was doing school work with Rowan when he excused himself to the bathroom. Sam and I were chatting and he announced that he had an hour and half break before the next patient. I stopped him to listen to what I thought was crying. It was, and I knew exactly what had happened. Rowan was locked in the bathroom. I ran upstairs and he was crying and starting to panic, but after convincing him that I was there and we were not going to leave him and that we would get him out he calmed down a degree. 

Sam and I were together trying to assess the situation and trying to look at the door closely to figure what the hold up was. We did not have the screws on our side of the door, we could not take off the door, or the door knob. We thought about trying to go through the window but realized that wouldn't work either. I really didn't know what we could do..We brought the tools upstairs and handed Rowan first a video from Sam's phone on how to take off the doorknob and then the tools so that he could do it. 

Rowan had just mastered out of the program about directions and left and right. We were able to coach him on the direction he needed to turn the screwdriver so that he could loosen the screws. We would check in with him to see if the screws were coming out, and one by one he was able to take off each screw. About 20-30 minutes later we were able to take off the whole door knob and get Rowan out of the bathroom. 

I left this incident thankful for so many little things. I knew about the problem with he doorknob (sure I should have maybe done something about it) but, knowing about it made me prepared 

Sam just happened to have this sudden break from work at the exact time Rowan was stuck- this is not usual-especially one for that long

Sam was home. 

I was home. I was able to stay calm, and use a calm voice reminding Rowan that we were there, and that we would get him out. 

Rowan stayed quite calm. He worked really hard, and he followed directions perfectly. 

This was a day I was reminded that Heavenly Father's hand is in our lives. I know- Rowan got locked in a bathroom- but, that's what I am taking from it. 

 

Winter/Rowan's 7th birthday

It's warming up here as I write this.. writing about the very non winter that we had. We went sledding twice the whole season. 

No clue 

Good times, but only twice. The first time we went on Rowan's 7th birthday. Leading up to his birthday he was more excited than he ever had been. So, we took to the slopes. It was on a Tuesday and we were lucky because Sam happened to have that day off. We pretty much had the hill to ourselves. We bought a bunch of new tubes for the occasion. A unicorn with sunglasses for instance, to prove how serious we were about this, and how great our decision making skills are. We arrived with 5 new sledding tubes, and we left with 2. That is because there was not much snow and the tubes would hit the rocks/dirt and so sure enough they broke on their maiden voyage. We had fun while it lasted. Jonah surprised me this time, because he carried his own sled up the big hill every single time and he would just go on repeat. Never even asked for help.  

So, something noteworthy. Kaj broke his wrist. I don't recall ever writing about this, how it went down, anything- so we had our first broken bone  in our family. Kaj felt like the most unlucky kid that ever was. He even asked me if he just had bad luck, and I had to explain the many many hundreds of people who break bones every day. When I told my parents that we had a broken bone my dad's response was: "let me guess? Jonah." 😂 By a crazy turn of events. It was not Jonah. 

How? How did this happen? The shortened version: he fell. The story Kaj likes to tell: "I fell off a bridge." To which I fill in the rest of the story, "He fell of the bridge at the park down the street." I don't want to people thinking he is just standing on a bridge somewhere. The full story. He was playing a game at the park, he was jumping off the bridge and his shoe got caught and sent him hurling down. He had the cast on for 6 weeks, was very thrilled when he went in the day to have it removed and then they said he needed it on longer. So, after 8 weeks it was officially off. The weird thing is where the cast was...he has significant amount of arm hair, not exaggerating it's man hair on just that arm. 🤨 It was explained that that can happen that when bones are healing it's stimulating so much growth that can also cause arm hair?  I guess. 

Rowan's birthday getting ready for sledding 

 

Christmas 2020

Oh! Christmas time this year..it was good. It felt a little difficult to get into the Christmas spirit-for me. I did my best for the kids though. We had our Johnny the Elf moving around during the day and night, and it turned quite fun because of the little kids-even Lily was on the look out for Johnny. I also tried to incorporate some fun homeschool Christmas activities..we did a candy cane experiment, built the shelf for the elf with gumdrops and toothpicks- oh, how I am trying! 😂💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ I have enjoyed the school break as much as my kids have I am sure. Shall we talk about the homeschooling now that I am on the subject? Yes, yes, we shall. I feel like it really is going just about as well as I thought. The boys are very used to the schedule, and I don't hear much complaining. Jonah actually really loves it, and the push back I get is actually from Josh. 🤨 Which is so weird considering he has been the dream child in all of his classes. I guess it just goes to show you really can let yourself be your worst self when you are home..which...every one is like that so I shouldn't be so disappointed. Rowan, I feel like he is doing the best and better than he would be doing at school. I feel I have caught him in math, he is reading really well, he has about 60 sight words that he knows, and he is understanding things very well. I feel even proud of my efforts with him. I should be feeling proud about all my efforts, but we are still talking about me here. 

We had a good Christmas. So very lazy, but isn't that what can be enjoyable about the day. Christmas Eve we spent with some friends. We tried our hand at a nativity play done by the kids, maybe next year I will just have them act it out, and plan, because it was a hot mess. Mary rode in on one of our bouncing cows which was hilarious. Christmas morning I heard some noises- and I thought "no, not yet, my kids can't be up already-it feels like the middle of the night." Looked at my clock. Oh! It was the middle of the night. 2:10 am to be exact. I follow the noise downstairs. Josh- "emptying the dishes." 😂 He cracks me up! I told him the time. "But, I just wanted to do my job!" He says. "Nope, it doesn't work like that..Its 2 o clock in the morning." "But, I was just doing my job" he says again. The fool he thinks I am! But props for trying to sell that. He then came to our room at 4, and then we got up at 6:30. It was fun. We got the all the kids scooters this year, and I am actually very happy about the decision because they have so much fun riding them and they are super transferrable. I don't know why it took us so long to get them. 

 In other news Lily thinks she is a big girl, and wants to use the potty. None of the boys were this little, and she is quite insistent upon it. She removes her clothes, and he diaper until you have no choice but to put her on the toilet. Where you watch her sit there for a very long time, use all the toilet paper left on the roll, and she repeats "potty" to you or "poop" over and over again until your head is in your hand as you shake your head. So, what I am concluding is that I would rather potty train a slightly older kid. 3 was a good age. She has actually gone several times, but still. 

This is the new year now, and though I didn't set as many goals as I have in previous years, I was very intentional about the ones I did choose and wanted them all to be very realistic. And, the latest thing I decided for the new year is I am going to be studying joy. I want to find more of that this year. 🤞🏻