Dear, dear Josh... leading up to your 11th birthday I wasn't sure if either of us would make it. Suddenly this angel boy was fighting with me, or crying, or getting mad every single day. That is not an exaggeration.. a very literal every day. I could not believe it.
I had a good conversation with Josh one night doing a tremendous job of validating his feelings and admitting that I wasn't used to this side of him so I wasn't handling it all well, but sure that if we were both patient with each other we were sure to get through. We probably ran into a conflict the next day, but it was a good moment.
But, after his birthday, it has been better. There are still more bumps, but definitely more moments where I see my Josh. Truth be told, Josh is one of my very favorite people to be around. I love talking with him, he is so easy to be around. He is funny and fun, and he can always get the family laughing.
I recall a night when I had come home from jujitsu with Jonah, and I was so frustrated about what was going on in the class, I just spilled it all to Josh, not looking for anything but to get my thoughts out, and he listened so kindly and then said, "Wow, I'm really sorry about the way you are feeling, mom." Apparently, that was all I needed that night.
Josh is going to be going into middle school next year. I have a lot of feelings, as does Sam. Sam can sometimes feel like he doesn't want him to go at all to public school, and I do have my reservations, but when it really comes down to it, I just feel hopeful. I have a lot of hope for Josh that he will be able to carry himself through it staying true to who he is. After a morning of hearing some doubts from Sam about going to school, dropping him off at school, and throughout the day just feeling like I needed to give Josh more credit, that I believed in him, I decided to tell him after I picked him up, and I could tell he needed that. I could sense the relief that gave him.
I will also mention the funny thing that happened that I still haven't fully recovered from, and it definitely ruined my entire social night. Pierce had come with us to the ward Pi(e) night. I got there with most of the kids, and Sam was following with Kaj and Rowan. We entered the cultural hall and stopped to scope out the place. I was leaning over to Josh to whisper to him to go save us a spot, but he kept moving away. I kept moving with him, arm around him trying again to whisper my important message, "Hey..." I was whispering and he said, "What??" It was Pierce. 😳 I was side hugging Pierce. (My son is boob level to me right now) I was side hugging Pierce, at boob level, trying to whisper something to him. Dying!! 😂 Absolutely dying. I could not get through the rest of the night socially intact. Josh laughed, and made me feel like it wasn't that big of a deal.
That was really a side note that was definitely worth mentioning. I love Josh so much. I think and believe so highly of him. He has remained a very constant example in my life from the get go. His nature is so good, and I love learning from him. Happy 11th birthday Joshy man burrito. ( a self given nickname that has stuck)
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