Another Year Has Gone By

Just wanted to say a few things to close out the year. I love my boys, despite how crazy they can be, I really do love them. I know this is the time for people to think about their resolutions. I have thought about mine. I do think the beginning of the year is a good time to think and do things that you want to do differently, however, I also realize that any time is a good time to make positive changes. I have a few things on my list. I used to have a very extensive list, 10 plus resolutions, most of which I would forget about half way down, or just focus on the the first few, or maybe fail at all of them…which is why I only have a few goals on my list this year. I would really hope that I could accomplish that. 

Some funny Kaj sayings as of right now are: "Are you kidding me?"

He says this following most things right now. 

Example: 

Me: Kaj you need to finish your dinner

Kaj: Are you kidding me, mom?

Me: No, I'm not kidding you.

I know that he got this from me. And the more he has been repeating things the more I realize I need to watch what I am saying. This is not to say that I feel like I am shooting off at the mouth, or dropping expletives all the time, it is just a good reminder that these kids are paying attention. 

Josh is saying more and more words. He is super fun to be with. It is easy to see that he loves taking pictures, and says "cheese" and smiles at the camera with no coaxing whatsoever! Which is very different from Kaj. Josh also loves reading books. He especially loves "The Pigeon Wants a Puppy." He still does funny little dances, and runs around like crazy with his brother, he eats like a champ, and makes me such a happy mom, because again, no coaxing needed, he will eat broccoli, chicken, pesto pasta-he tried everything and likes most everything. 

I have am counting down the last weeks before we welcome, yet, another boy Christensen into our home. I have to admit this pregnancy has not been that great, and my attitude has suffered because of it. This is the part I do not like to see in myself, because for the most part I really try to stay positive. I will not go into the nitty gritty( your welcome), but there are not many symptoms I have not felt, and even better that are still going on. So I am just so ready to meet the little guy, and be done with all the sickness.

I am also very thankful for Sam. He works so hard for our family. Everything that we have, it is because Sam is working hard. I know I don't thank him enough, but I do recognize it so much of the time. He has been very sweet, helpful, and patient with me and the boys while I have not felt well, and it has been great to know I have his support. He is liking his job, and the doctor he works for more and more, and I know he also appreciates being able to learn for the doctor, as well. Sam speaks very highly of the skill he has, as well as the way he is handling building up his practice, and I know this makes his job more enjoyable, just because he is able to learn that much more. 

So yes, it has been a good year, it has been an emotional year, there has been a lot of changes, and challenges, but I feel like I have grown from those things, and even been able to understand and appreciate more the people in my life who truly love me and my whole family without any conditions. I am excited for 2014, but I hope to live more in the present this year, without thinking too much about the past or the future, and just enjoy the moments I have right in front of me. 

The Cold is Here

We are currently sitting at temperatures of -20 degrees…My feelings on the matter are: I am very happy that we have a warm house, and I tend to then take really hot showers. Because with it being that cold outside it only makes sense to turn that water up to just about scalding. Now, they say it like this:  "it's negative 20 degrees out with the windchill." and I guess the "wind chill" part needs to be stated, because they are saying, " oh hey guys, without the windchill it wouldn't be that cold…" maybe -10. I am no meteorologist per say, but my point is, it is still really really cold. 

Needless to say the snow has reminded me of Utah. It reminds of driving in Utah snow, and so far it is still powdery and as awesome as ever. However, they do not plow the roads here. I am not saying that sarcastically either, I mean that they really don't plow the streets here…at all. In Utah if a storm hits like clock work you can count on the roads getting paved right away in preparation for morning commuters. Here they throw down some gravel on some of the main roads, and then send you telepathic hugs and good luck wishes as you drive. It really hasn't been that bad yet even with a couple days of big storms. 

We are officially decorated as of today also. I did a lot of the decorating last weekend, but we got our tree today. Sam and I went back and forth a lot this year when it came to the tree. Fake or real? Getting a pass to pick one out ourselves? Or do we just get a lovely pre lit Christmas tree? Or just go pick out a tree at a tree farm? We went with the last choice. It was me who really wanted to go chop down our tree this year, just to start a tradition with the boys. Sam reminded me our kids are 3 and 1, and in a couple years it will be awesome, but it doesn't make a lot of sense right now. Which is totally true. It also didn't come up that I am also 32 weeks pregnant, and really? You want to hike around and look for a tree? But, he didn't say anything like that. Ha! Though I guess it was a weird desire for me to have at this point. I am happy we went with the real tree, it smells so wonderful in our house now!  A nostalgic Christmas tree smell that is filling every room in the house reminding me of childhood Christmases. Hmmm..I love it. We also have almost all of our Christmas shopping done, and now we can just enjoy the rest of the season.

Thankful

And, of course, I have to write a blog for Thanksgiving. I am quickly switching gears from putting crazy boys down for bed, and then trying to adjust my mood accordingly. I have also been missing this blog. It doesn't bother me if there are few readers, it wouldn't bother me if there were no readers, I truly love writing here. I was flipping through my first blog to book as I have been prepping for blog book numero dos, and I am so happy that I have written in the details of the experiences as I have. If I hadn't we would be losing a lot of very funny and fond memories.

We were invited by some ward members for Thanksgiving a couple weeks ago. We were one of 4 families, and it was very nice to have somewhere to go. Because, if we hadn't...I really am not sure if I would have made the Thanksgiving meal myself this year. The guilt would have set in and I probably would have...but I may not have been happy about it. The company was enjoyable, and this was Sam's first real chance to get to know some of the men in the ward, and though he may grumble at times, everyone always loves his company and he usually enjoys getting to know other people. I am thankful for this particular friend who invited us over. It hasn't been easy here as far as friends go, and though everyone has been polite it has not had the same feeling of acceptance, and welcomeness as New York had so automatically. ( I don't want to compare too much, but in this case it was a distinct difference) But, this friend was the first one to really reach out, and I appreciate it so much. So with that said, I am thankful for beginnings of new friendships. And on the same note, I am also very thankful for the friends in New York that I still smile about, and laugh when I remember certain things, and just plain adore. I also am grateful for the friends back in Utah the ones I have known for many many moons, despite distance they reach out just to see how I am doing, and some days it has come at the perfect time. 

I am so grateful for my family. Sisters. I have been far more emotional in this pregnancy, and it far exceeds my already sensitive state. It has been nice to rely on family. My mom came out and visited us recently, and it was honestly so much fun to see her, and hang out while she was here. My boys ran to her, and gave her the biggest welcoming hugs, and they loved being with MorMor. She is a very easy and fun guest. It was great to have her spend one on one time with the boys. And, though Kaj can't express how much it means, the many times he asked "Where'd MorMor go?" or "I want to go to MorMor's house." after she left- that says it all. I really am thankful for everything my mom has taught me and continues to teach me. I have a friendship with her that I really never thought possible...and I am certain she would say the same! Haha! I have also decided that a perk from living far away is that when you have people visit you, there is only quality time to spend. You love being together because it is for a shorter time, and it really is so enjoyable. So I look forward to visitors to have time with just them. (That being said I would still take anyone who wants to move here too)

I am thankful for our little growing family. I am thankful for Sam. He really does so much. And I am now understanding that most everything he does it is for me and the boys. He works very hard, and wants to work even harder. He loves our boys, and he is often thinking of ways to improve himself so that he can be a better and better example to them.  I also have to say I have seen the difference in him as a husband as well lately, and I am so grateful for the efforts he is making to be more expressive to me. I am thankful for the home we have now. I thankful for food on our table. And of course, I so thankful for a growing relationship with my Father in Heaven. I had the opportunity to talk in church, and I usually would not say "opportunity," because it actually scares the poop out of me, but I spent a lot of time preparing, a lot of time praying about the topic, and I can honestly say I gained a stronger testimony, and for once, I delivered my talk well. That is unheard of! I am thankful for the simple reminders it gave me, and really look forward to the chance to serve others in any way I can. 

Pumpkin Pickin

What a great time of year! We wanted to go last week to check out this pumpkin patch in Redmond which is about 20 minutes out from Bend. We have heard such fun things, but it was rainy, so we decided to put it off a week. I am so glad we did. It was a beautiful, no jacket necessary kind of a day. As we approached the pumpkin patch, I fell in love with this time of year all over again. I really do love it. I love the bright colors, I love the crispness of the air, and the smell of the fall breeze. As I kid, I may have originally loved it because it was the month that held my birthday, now I think we have established that, that is not the reason any longer. 

There were pumpkins as far as the eye could see. Josh didn't know where to start, but then he began walking over and giving them a nice slap-to check for quality- of course. Kaj's primary concern was the damaged pumpkins. "What happened to pumpkin, mom?" I heard this many times walking though the field of pumpkins. We finally decided on 3 pumpkins. One big, for the family, and 2 little guys. 

Aside from just the pumpkin patch they had a little train ride, a pumpkin canon, a farm to go see the animals, barrels of hay to climb on, a play area with a slide, a corn maze, and little "A Bug's Life" corn maze. We were excited to see that they have a similar event during Christmas time. They have a polar express ride, hot chocolate, and picking out your Christmas tree.

We waited in a pretty hefty line for the train. And, after it was done I definitely had the "I'm the dumbo" feeling that Jim Gaffigan described taking his kids to DisneyLand. But, the kids enjoyed it and that is what mattered. We all left very happy, and had such a great time together. 

what happened to pumpkin?

Josh's cheesy smile! I am in love with it!!

Growing Boys

As things have started to settle here in Bend, I am happy to say that it is officially starting to feel like home, and as I drove home the other day, I looked out on the view with all the fall colors, and I thought: yes, this is going to be good. So I am excited to be here. It took me a month, but I am there. The boys, of course, adapted quickly, and long before me. 

I often watch the craziness of these boys and think to myself..well, one of two things either: Another boy, bring it on! Or: Another boy? Really? Ok.. I love these boys. As I thought about them the other day, I was very grateful for their differences. If you know these boys, they are very different. And, as I began to note these things in my head, I wondered if it would come as a surprise to any one.

One boy

loves holding mom's hand

loves sitting on laps

loves snuggling and being cozy

gets really excited to see you if you have been gone

does not/will not give kisses

Other boy

Does not like to hold hands

Prefers running off on his own

Does not/Will not snuggle (though try as we do)

But..Loves giving kisses

Weird. The first one is Kaj, the second is Josh.

 Sometimes I feel that Kaj is a challenge, perhaps his age right now, because, he can be so emotional, and a hoarder, and does not like to participate like he feels embarrassed in settings like group singing or story time games, but lately as I chase Josh through the grocery store, and he picks up the fruit in the produce section and begins taking samples I am starting to realize I am glad I have these two different boys. I feel like they bring out the best in each other, and they balance each other out. Kaj really has never run away when we are out, I know that he will stay right by the car when I am getting Josh in/out, I can usually take Kaj to appointments for myself because he will sit still, and just make commentaries, and though I feel like we are constantly working on listening- which we are- he actually does listen quite well when I need him too. Josh-whew! He is a crack up. He is usually happy, and very easy for kids and adults to be around. He shares easily, laughs easily. He loves participating in songs, and clapping at the end. He is starting to work on some pretty major dance moves around the house. Haha! Oh my goodness. It is a mix of what looks like he is trying to break dance- yes break dance, and some hip hop and, of course, spinning in circles. The awesome thing about Josh is he brings out this in Kaj, Kaj gets more excited, and can be silly with Josh-trust me- sometimes it is not a good thing. Example: Josh wants to be out of the cart at the grocery store and look at everything, and run away and then suddenly the two of them will look at each other, like: "is this happening?" "oh yeah! this is happening!" They laugh, and both of them take off running. What just happened?

So, I am appreciating their differences so much more lately. I wouldn't change either of them. They are such fun little boys, and I love them very much.

30, Flirty, and Thriving

You have the love the movie "13 going on 30," it makes you feel great about being 30, and this was my mantra throughout the entirety of my day. Yes, I am 30 today. I will be honest I have not been looking forward to this particular birthday. I thought certainly something would stop this day from coming, or that the 4th would just be missing from the calendar this year, but it wasn't. It was there. Staring me in the face. But, as I was going to bed last night, it suddenly dawned on me, I had some pretty hard time in my 20's. Probably some of my saddest, hardest. and loneliest times I had in my 20's. I should be VanTrappe family singing my 20's farewell. So, as of last night, I am happy to be 30. I am so excited to see a better me come out of these years. Someone I really like, understanding a little bit better the worth that I have. My friend sent me an article about turning 30, and it asked why is it people get hung up on turning 30? A lot of times it is because you feel like you are supposed to have a list of all the things you have done by the time you reach 30. Is that list good enough? Long enough? Etc. But, she wrote how a better basis would be to look at the kind of person you are. To quote this article, "what you achieve is far less important than the kind of human being you are." She also talks about how by 30 you have legit advice to give, where while you are in your 20's you are learning from mistakes, big or small. I mean I know I can say to someone: "don't wear silver mascara you will look and feel like idiot all day." And I really mean that. Regardless, of my age, and the milestone that it may be, I actually am quite ok with the human being I am. It is very easy for me to see the good in others, to be genuinely happy for other people, and to make the best of just about anything. Not to say- I don't have so much to work on, but, I am aware of those things I need to work on, and that's a start.

So, my final thoughts as I was going to bed last night was: well, a lot of good things happened in your 20's too. So of course, cheers to that. I met, and married Sam. I am very happy about that decision, and we have come out better and better through all the many changes that we have been through together. I know he will continue to be supportive of the things that I want to do, and that he will do anything for me. I became a mother in my 20's, which is nothing to shake a fist at, because your whole world is turned upside down when that happens. We have lived different places, and made life long friends a long the way. Although, there once again are a lot of changes, and more to get used too, I am always hopeful for more joy to be had. 

Little Kaj bears

In the hospital with Josh 

Long Island

The Beginning of the Bend

The boys snuggled at the hotel in Boise

I will start with the travel. Or I will start with the goodbye. It was hard, and still when I think about it tears quickly spring to my eyes. It was so busy in our lives leading up to pulling out of the drive way. Though, I thanked my parents for all they did, I certainly intended to say more, but truly could not do it. I am still finding it so hard to truly express the gratitude that is within my heart, perhaps because they did more than I can thank, or just because I cry when I think about it. Either way, I hope they know how much it means that they opened up their home to us for a very long time, with little complaint, and loved our boys every day they were there. It has been a hard thing for me to make drastic changes in the boys lives. I know they are resilient, and I know they will be fine, but, I feel badly if they can't express their questions and confusion as well as they would like. So, needless to say, I cried, and actually could have cried more, but I could not let myself dwell on it. 

sweet notes left on the boxes the girls in Terryville helped me pack up

The drive. The drive actually went very very well. I hoped so, since our last experience seemed so nightmarish it seemed slim that it could match that. But, it was actually so much better than I thought. They boys slept well. They also seemed to just plain handle the drive better. We split the drive in half stopping in Boise to sleep. Sam left at 2:45am to get to the house for people to meet and help us unpack the truck, before he left he whispered, "l love you, the next time I see you, I will see you at home." I smiled as I heard the door shut quietly. The second day drive was a breeze, they slept a lot of it, and we only had to stop once. It was great. It was strange pulling up to the house knowing this was our new house, and let's see what we have to work with. It was actually pretty exciting to see how much space we had, and overwhelming to see just how many boxes we had to fill that space right now. I fill we have our room pretty squared away, the kitchen, the boys rooms are close, and we are closing in on that one area that everything tends to migrate during a move in process, it is where all the stuff ends up that you don't  want to deal with, or you don't know what to do with yet. It is pretty funny though, no matter what box we open, or how it is labeled without a doubt there are still toys in that box. There are literally toys in every box.

These are just the first pictures that we took of the house getting in, so I will definitely putting more up as things are more together, but the pile of empty boxes doesn't quite get me too excited to break out the camera. 

Sam starts work tomorrow. As of right now, he does not know where he is going, what time he is going, and what he is doing. It has been great having him around these first days settling in, it would have been so much harder had he not been. So, we will see what I can do with settling myself in more, and helping the boys transition in their new home now that he will be gone in the days.

front room area

A couple days prior to leaving Ashley helped me by watching the boys

happy to have camping chairs

the future playroom area

Classic Sam behavior