Our Trip to Colorado Springs

finally going home

Sam and I (and Jonah) went out to Colorado in early March. Our family is at a crossroads (again) on where to reside. Sam got asked to come out and interview with a group in Colorado Springs. Grandma and Grandpa Jo were able to come out and man the fort with the older boys allowing us both to go out. I had thought it would feel like a vacation with just Sam and I but it turns out if you have even one child with you- it is not a vacation for 2. With the being said, Jonah was the best little traveling baby I could ask for. He slept on every flight and without any kind schedule he rolled with all the punches, and was still quite pleasant. 

We were very fortunate that Michael Grigg's parents were able to watch Jonah for us while we had dinner with the group the first night. The group were some of the nicest people. I had such positive vibes while we sat at dinner with them. I could tell they were a good group that genuinely cared about each other but also worked very well together. We spent the next day looking around Colorado 

Springs, and then Sunday we went to church and then flew out. 

Yes, the flight out. We were supposed to leave a 6pm, but we got to the airport around 4:30 and killed time. We were so happy when we finally boarded the plane. After getting settled the pilot announced there was something leaking from one of the hydraulic something something and Sam and I looked at each other like: "Say Whaaatt??!" They assured us that they were just going to take a look- see and we would not have to de-board. We ended up de-boarding. It would be a couple hours at the most. It was not a couple hours. Jonah was so tired. But, he did not sleep while waited for the plane to get fixed. We spent a lot of time walking him around, trying to get him to sleep, and rinsing off his "binks" that would fall on the floor. One of these occasions I went to do so this fellow passenger of the broken plane was talking quite loudly on her phone, "I am a little buzzed if you couldn't tell. Well, here was nothing else to do!" She announced. I thought, OK then. We finally took off at 11pm and we already knew we would be missing our connecting flight. We would be staying the night in Salt Lake in a hotel. 

When Sam and I were back in our seat 5 hours later we noticed some passengers had switched seats cue the drunk girl from the bathroom now sitting in front of us with this guy who had mutually decided drinking was the best way to kill the time. Sam and I had front row seats to their awkward first drunken kisses, his way to often caresses to her hair as she slept, and also how each time she awoke her interest in him seemed to lessen. It was quite hilarious and awkward.

"oh Jone Jone"

So...after NOT getting our luggage that night after we arrived in Salt Lake and getting handed mini "overnight bags," we waited in line for the shuttle to our hotel with more than half of our plane comrades. Some very nice girls let us take their spot in line for Jonah's sake. So many people took notice of how amazing Jonah had been doing despite all the bad travel luck we were having. We then waited in line to get a room and waited some more for someone to bring up a pack n play for Jonah to sleep. We finally tucked ourselves in in the same dirty airport clothes we had been wearing all day long. (delicious) at 2 o'clock in the morning. I was even more happy to get home when we finally did get home.

at church with Grandma and Grandpa Jo

Jonah's feeling about going home too

So, just a little bit about our crossroads. We were are still contemplating what to do. I have felt very peaceful about moving forward with the group in CO Springs, but there is still a chance of staying. I love Bend. I have told friends and family I have never loved a place more. I love the small feel to it, the 10 minutes drives to anywhere. I love how even with all my small kids I have I have been able to go down to the river or let them ride bikes on the trail because of how close everything is. It's beautiful here. But, with the impressions I have had I would be willing to leave. We shall see. 

Happy Birthday Dear Joshy

5 years old

We celebrated Josh's 5th birthday this year. I remember thinking when Josh turned 2 years old feeling like he had been in our family a lot longer. I feel that must mean Josh has always had a special place to belong in our family. I continually feel very lucky to have him and to be his mom. He teaches me a lot of the time about being considerate of others and thinking of first. He does these things very naturally and is certainly a gift that he has been given. 

Josh's full name is Joshua Mats after my grandpa. When Josh was a wee one aka probably a couple months old I remember holding him and looking at him and just enjoying the newness of the baby I had just had and having the sense and envisioning him with my grandpa. He was holding his hand, walking with him, talking with him in a bright and beautiful place. I knew Josh had recently been with my grandpa before coming to me, and it was an amazing feeling. 

lego crab, Moana, Maui and his hook

 For many many reasons Josh is special kid. I mentioned how Josh easily puts people first to name a couple of examples. The stores that I usually run to with the boys are Walmart, Costco, and Safeway aka the cookie store. When I take them to the cookie store I always swing by the bakery so they get a cookie sample. There was a day I was only with Kaj and Josh and there was only one cookie left Josh grabbed it, split it in have without thinking twice and then proceeded to give the bigger half to Kaj. The other night the boys were still hungry after dinner so I allowed them to have the banana that was left there was just one so Kaj and Josh split it, and when Rowan wanted some Josh then split his half of banana to share with Rowan. Though these are small examples perhaps I feel like the significance is shown by how immediately he thinks of others. He also is just plain sweet. He was sitting with me the other day and stopped and said, "mom, you're beautiful." If that's not already sweet enough he actually tells me this quite often, and most of the time he does I feel like I am the complete opposite. This time after saying this he paused and told me, "I'm going to tell you you're beautiful every day." And he has. I can't think of a day since he told me this where hasn't told me. Josh also looks for ways to make others happy. He did the dishes one day and told me he wanted to make me happy. I watch him daily do things to make others happy.
Josh is great brother to all of his brothers. He knows how to be the best brother to each boy. He and Kaj- they are just two peas in a pod, When he plays with Rowan he is patient with him and teaches him things, he helps him on and off the trampoline, and he runs around a lot with him which is what Rowan loves to do. With Jonah he goes with the smothering approach, but Jonah loves it. Josh will pick him and walk around with him, he loves to make him laugh, any time he is around Jonah he is happy kid.

Josh is very bright. He can figure things out on his own very easily. He loves singing songs, and learning new things. He likes legos, riding his bike, and preschool. I really truly am impressed with what he can create with his legos. Not just in an, "Oh, that's nice, honey," mom approved kind of way, but legit he can create anything he sees and make is lego form. Josh is quite funny. He has a great sense of humor and often make the whole family laugh. 

I cannot believe how fast 5 years has flown by with him. I also can't wait to see Josh as he grows I know he is going to do great things. (He already does) I love you, Joshy bears.

I Believe in a Thing called March

 Whew! What a whirl wind life can be. Since I last blogged Kaj and Josh had the flu, (The Flu Flu not just the stomach flu. Yes, they are very different) and recovered, Jonah turned 8 months, Rowan started private sessions in speech therapy and school, Valentines day has come and gone, we started the boys in gymnastics, and we also- ahem- don't have any idea what we want to do for work. We have work. We are thankful for that. But Sam is really tired of working for BMC. So, in that case, we really don't know.

How are the boys doing? Let's start with Kaj. He is doing so great in 1st grade. He has really grown up so much this last year. It is amazing. He has lots of friends, he really enjoys his teacher, Mrs. Multop, and will often tell me: "She is the best teacher." I love reading with him, and seeing how much he can read on his own now. He also really likes writing his own books. (where does he get that?? haha) He recently looked at me while we were on homework one day, and said: "Hazel eyes are really scary. Right mom?" haha Right! No, I really didn't agree so whole heartedly I actually asked him why. I guess it's because they turn orange?
Josh, well there will be more on him later for his birthday post. But, in a nutshell: He is amazing. He is smart and creative, and considerate and funny. He loves Miss Mindy's preschool and I kinda think he also loves little Hadley. We often watch Hadley maybe a couple times a month we will have her for the whole day while Heather works and this is the conversation I heard one day on the way home from school. Josh: "So...who are you in love with?? Hadley: "Nobody! Josh: "Well then who are going to marry?" Hadley: "My dad." Josh: "You can't marry your dad! Your mom already married him!" Hadley: "Well, when I am older I will steal my dad away from my mom." I relayed this funny interaction to Heather and she had told me that earlier she said she would be marrying Josh. Drama, drama, drama.

Sam was out with Kaj and Josh one day doing some exercises in the garage gym- I have these moments where I feel like I have literally stepped into my future- this was one of those moments. I closed the door pretty quickly.  Since then, my boys will often use their free time to "go get their pecks," or "work on their pecks."  I not only hear a lot about pecks but I also get the title of Instapeck Inspector-they whip those pecks out without a moments notice to show me how big they are getting. Now, this is clearly hilarious. I have discovered that the term "pecks" is interchangeable for the word "muscles." Kaj told me is wanted to pecks on his stomach and on his arms etc. and then things made a touch more sense. So, watch out world! My boys have been spending a lot of time lately on their pecks.

Aforementioned, my boy started gymnastics. I know they are enjoying it. It does look like a lot of fun actually, and after a few times they are doing much better. I couldn't help, the first time they went, laughing to myself many times. Kaj is my son through and through. His awkwardness...but he doesn't seem too hindered by it. The instructor asked for a volunteer to do a somersault. Hands shot up in the air, but Kaj's was first. OK. Here we go. With a graceless display of long arms and long legs heaping over each other he proceeded to show how a somersault is done. Adding, "I can also do a ninja flip." Huh?? Like I said, I definitely would rather him have confidence in himself, but boy, the first day of gymnastics class was a doozy.

My dear, dear Rowan bears. We are coming out of a hard month with him. He started speech, and though there are some improvements and small things that he will do every day I did have some hard conversations that concluded that continues to be concerns and red flags with him. Alluding to the fact that he will be having further testing to see him if he is on the Autism spectrum. We already have things underway with a group here, and I have spoken to the doctor, and gave her a rundown. That was a really hard day. But, after some very uplifting conversations with Sam, my New York girls, my mom, and my neighbor, I felt a lot better. Sam made the comment, "I think Rowan is going to surprise us." I think he is too. He is a happy little guy, he is full of joy and love. I will just continue to be more patient with him. He is also really lucky to have Josh home right now with him, because Josh includes him and plays with him which is exactly what he needs. 

Jonah is the star of the show. He continues to be so adored by his brothers. He is starting to army crawl around, and is making more attempts to get on to his knees. He is eating a lot cereal and baby food. He is a pretty happy baby most of the time. He is makes lots of noises, and loves laughing and cannot wait to be a part of the older brothers. He is watching them all the time with every thing they do. We love Jone Jone. 

Sam has been putting out his resume again. We have a few options on the table, but we have not made any decisions. Despite not enjoying BMC he works really hard for our family, and he cares a lot about his patients. I know that he tries to take very good care of them. I do want him to be happy at work, and I want him to feel respected and valued is his job, and I know he has not been getting that. He is so dedicated to our family, and I love him.

Valentines Day box

How am I doing?? Good. A little crazy with the work stuff. I just try to not to worry a head of time. There seems like there is new solutions almost daily to what we are going to do or where we are going to be. I do love Bend. I have a hard time picturing us away from Bend. So, for now, we are here, and until that changes I am going to love it. I am very busy with the boys, but it feels like  good busy. I am striving to be more patient with myself at this time, because I really do want to cut myself a break. Mom guilt is real. No cure either. So, I try to live from moment to moment more than day to day because that way my whole day is not ruined by just a bad moment anymore.

Moana ala Josh. The crab, Maui equipped with his hook, and Moana

 Kaj getting his character trait award of Friendship at school

resonated with me so much HAHA

Rowan's Birthday and Loads of Snow

Happy 3 year old

And just as the New Year rings in...it's Rowans's birthday. I have said this before: it's a sneaky birthday. I think about it prior to Christmas, yes, however, I have never done anything about because I just want to get past Christmas and then think about it. But, it never does give me much thinking time. So, Rowan turned 3. Rowan can be a ray of sunshine. If Rowan is happy things are great. He is delightful. He can win a prize for the best smile and the best laugh in any...smile/laugh competitions. He is very energetic. He loves any time he can run around, and jump, or slide that is him in his element. Rowan...is also pretty challenging at this time. I am saying it nicely. It is very challenging with him right now. Sam and I often say to each other we don't know what to do. He is 3. The terrible 3's and he very often wants contradicting things at the same time. Rowan began private speech sessions, and will also begin classes once a week which will hopefully catch him up in the communication department. This has been the cherry on top of what I believe is making it tougher than what we are used to. Rowan is not where he should be in his expressive language. I do believe that we are taking all the right steps to get him on track, and I continually get positive feedback on his progress. I suppose Rowan is the child (right now) that I worry about. We love him. That's a given, but I worry if he is not where he should be in a year it will really affect him in a lot of areas. He gets by on his charms, his energy, and he looks...it's kinda true. 

Rowan's birthday this year we went to Eugene as a family because Sam had an interview there. So, we all made the trek together in hopes for some fun and some swimming at the hotel. It is about a 3 hour drive to Eugene. Not too bad considering we have driven a lot longer stretches with a carload. The was great. The boys were well behaved. I sat in the back only part of the time to talk to and to entertain Jonah who was-so stinking cute.

 When we got to the hotel the first thing we saw was an outdoor pool: closed, and iced over. No matter. We had other ideas in mind- we had the idea of taking the boys to this indoor waterpark that a friend recommended so all would be right in the world. After getting a bit settled we knew this was our window to get some dinner. With Rowan in mind considering he was our birthday boy we settled on the Pancake House. Jonah- the poor guy- had had enough of the car and was just tired in general cried the whole way. When we got to the restaurant he settled down and we were all happy and ready for some pancakes.Much to my surprise the door was locked. Of course, I tried to pull the door again to see if it was a muscle thing, but it was locked. I checked their hours both on their door and according to their website and we should have had an hour. But no, we were just ignored by the man who was inside mopping the floors. Maybe he didn't have peripheral vision. So, we got back in the car with an immediate outcry from both Rowan and Jonah now. We simply just had to pick the first place we saw for sanity's sake which was Cafe Yumm. Ordered. Sat Down. Sigh of relief with everyone happy. Time passed. Too much time. And Sam went had asked about our order. And they  forgot to put it in! haha! Our very apparent and unusual for Oregon family of 6 was completely overlooked. Sam got a refund and we went across the street through the McDonalds drive thru only this time with Rowan and Jonah screaming. By the time we got back to the hotel they had both cried themselves to sleep. 

Spending a night at a hotel with the stage we are in with our kids is always tricky. We were prepared for this. I was not prepared for the fumes. There was such a strong smell in our hotel room I almost didn't want to breathe too deeply, and thought there was a slight possibility we would all be dead by morning. It smelled liked cleaning supplies. It smelled as if every cleaning supply had spilled out in our room. I do attribute this to the tough night we had with Jonah. We had to relocate him to several different areas within the adjoining room. He was finally quiet. Everything was quiet. And just when I had decided to let me guard down and breathe a sigh of relief...Rowan woke up screaming crying  not knowing where he was. So I hurried to get him in hopes to not wake up Jonah which didn't work, and to have Rowan sleep with us. It seemed he was not going to go to sleep. He was just wiggly and s very awake. But, Sam seemed to be sleeping through it. I decided to forgo that situation and sneak in with Kaj and Josh to try and sleep. I told the boys to scoot over which they sleepily did. I was next to Josh who apparently is also very wiggly. He also doesn't sleep under the covers, which I wanted to sleep under the covers, and his legs were everywhere-the jimmy legs, perhaps. So not the best night sleep considering this was all happening about 3 in the morning.

Do you know how I got these scars? ha!

The next morning we took the boys down for the breakfast and also wait for the person who was meeting up with Sam to take him to his day long interview. It is always interesting watching people's faces who notice our family. I watch their eyes counting the boys. They usually smile at how silly our lives must be. Sometimes they ask if Jonah is also a boy. "Yes." "4 boys!! Wow..." Honestly I do not know how I managed 5 hours in a hotel room with the boys. We watched Jumanji, we tried napping Jonah, we played a potato head matching game, we opened Rowan's presents and frosted cupcakes, and ate some cupcakes, and played with his birthday presents but still that that all measured up to occupying that whole time is a miracle. We went and picked Sam up in the afternoon and after hearing about his interview he mentioned that there was a huge ice storm rolling in. After discussing at weighing our options we knew it was in our best interest to head out sooner than later. So, that's it. We packed up and we left. I felt like the set of John Mulaney when he goes to the doctor's to get a prescription for something for his anxiety, but doesn't want to just go in asking for drugs. He ends up waiting for 3 hours, gets an unnecessary prostrate exam, faints, and then leaves.

So, Eugene was a bust. But, of course, Rowan was happy and fine. One really special thing about Rowan and some thing I love about him is he loves when the whole family is together. Any time we are in the car together he is grinning from ear to ear. He just likes to be altogether. So do I.

So Bend has had an epic winter. In just December and January we have had 62 inches of snow. We have been buried. I have talked about the fact that the city of Bend does not plow their roads. A fact that is not optimal considering I have gotten stuck in the snow many times since I have moved here. So, because we have been getting so pummeled with snow Kaj has gone a running total of 7 days since January 2nd when school started back up after the holiday break. They have had to send plows out going against everything Bend believes in, otherwise, we probably would not have gotten out at all. Just as it seemed there was be no more snow days a middle school roof collapsed that was within out district. So, school was then cancelled again to assess all the school roofs until it was shown that all were safe. I will note that no one was hurt where the roof collapsed. Scary though. I was taking Kaj to school a couple days ago and he made the comment like, "well, maybe school will be cancelled again next Friday." And I explained that school was back in session and they will not be canceling days anymore. But, there was also a part of me thinking: Touché son, touché.

Christmas Time Christensen Style

My 4 handsome boys

Crazy Josh 

 Christmas time of 2016 was spent away from family this year and at home. I must say as I think about the things that we were able to do as a family: sledding, baking, picking out and decorating the tree, playing in the snow, and just being together playing games it was wonderful. I definitely missed being around the rest of the family on Christmas eve and Christmas especially when I saw all the pictures on my phone  reminding me that oh yes they still made plans even when we aren't there haha I thought maybe they would you know cancel everything on the account we weren't able to make it.
   As usual I broke out the Christmas music after Thanksgiving putting decorations away and the boys were even excited about the music especially Rowan who always smiles at me with a look like, "Woman, you are crazy, mom." Because there are always dancing that goes along with it and if anyone knows how well I dance...well grace is it not exactly my strong suit. Nor coordination. I love sledding at Wanoga with the boys this year. Josh, who can be timid at first went down the mountain fearlessly. It was a little frightening. Sam or I went down with Rowan, however, he did not like if snow got on him which it often does when sledding. I had to carry Jonah and boy he got Heavy!
     We attended some Christmas parties and won the Ninja bread man kit which was great because we got a ninja bread book this year that actually did not come with ninja bread cookie cutters so a little tradition could be in the making. Speaking of traditions we had our grinch night with grinch treats, and read lots of Christmas books, and decided for Christmas eve to make chili and cornbread-a favorite at our house. We watched the Santa tracker and set out cookies for Santa.

It was especially fun this year because Sam was really involved in all the presents. In years past I  I got the gifts and the wrapping done and Sam was just as surprised come Christmas morning. This year we decided together what we were getting for everyone, and Christmas eve Sam and I were the elves wrapping the presents and watching the worst Christmas movie ever...like elves do. It was about a woman who fell in love with a ghost. The spirit...of Christmas :/ But, it was so much more preferred. It was fun. This year Christmas was on a Sunday so we woke up made monkey bread and opened presents and went to an hour of church. The boys some humungous legos sets and it took a few days to put them together and honestly... a really addicting hobby. Apparently I enjoy putting legos together. 

Ninja bread men

Also, a really nice feature to our Christmas holiday was the fact that Sam took 2 weeks off. It was great having him home. The boys loved it, I loved it, and he actually didn't want to go back to work when the time was up. Of course, in true holiday fashion, what I loved most was the time spent with my boys. What's not to love about fun snow days, coming home turning the fire on by a beautiful tree, listening to Christmas music, and sipping hot chocolate? Exactly. 

ensuring his presents Christmas Eve

It is beautiful here

Merry Christmas

In Regards to the Daughter I Didn't Have

We are 6 months into this after having baby Jonah and I will still hear conversations between Kaj and Josh talking, "And if we have another baby" or "When we have another baby." But, mister Jonah bears is the bookend baby. He is adored in every way. His brothers love him so much. They talk with him, hold him, and laugh with him. He's a lucky kid. Truth is, 6 months in, and I am still unraveling my feelings about not having a baby girl. What is to unravel? I had a boy. But, there are things to unravel because the thought can still sting. That's how I know.

I will sometimes think thoughts like: I couldn't be a mom to a girl. I'm just not girly enough. (Of course this is not a logical reason) But honestly, boy after boy after boy after boy I really have become less and less girly. I was tucking my pajama bottoms into my socks the other night and I was telling Sam in order to keep warm at night this is what needs to be done. Sam teasingly turned to Jonah whom he was holding and said, "There's your mom again always keeping it classy." haha!! I don't think I am complete hot mess but probably 90% of this winter has me in my ponytail, comfy clothes, and maybe a little make up on. But, I do believe I would want to paint little fingernails, and curl long hair and accessorize with pretty bows when she is little. More importantly I would want her to be  confident, smart, and a lot more sure of herself than I ever was. I pictured Sam with a little girl. How he would care for her, and look at her lovingly. I thought of a sister with all her brothers surrounding her, Protective and doting.

I also think about my mom and my sisters. I think about the relationships I have with these important women. I think how I will never experience a mother/daughter relationship. I won't. I will never know what that feels like. I will only get to imagine what it could have been like. That will be the closest I ever get.

Now, the tone of this is not mopey-it's not supposed to be-it's a matter of fact. Sam imagined we would have had a little girl with blonde hair and olive skin ( which track record wise she would not have had blonde hair) but that is about as far as I can get...just the image of her I had in my head. I don't know the degree of sass versus sweetness or spunk versus seriousness. I can't think how much she would like dolls, dance, or other sports. I couldn't make up her personality. I can think of the relationship I would have wanted to have with any daughter. That's it.

I have my sons. I love them. I love each of them, and I know each of them. I don't have to paint pictures--they are 4 of the most handsome and sweet boys I could have ever dreamed up. I was not given a daughter. I was given these boys. I intend to be the best mom of boys that I can be since this is my specialty I hope I am doing a good job already. In regards to the daughter I didn't have...  I would have loved her. But, my reality is I get to love these 4 boys of mine every day.

Give Thanks

I am listening to the new sound track from the Trolls movie...not the soundtrack just the one song over and over. A very inherited trait from my mom ( thank you no really thank you) this song makes me so happy whenever I listen to it. And I listen to it right now a whole lot. So, it seemed a perfect time to blog about this past Thanksgiving. My parents came despite the fact that they were in the thick of moving. When they were selling their home in September and then planned their trip to come over Thanksgiving in the back of my mind I just knew they would sell it right before visiting and inhibit them from coming. Well, only half was true. They worked really hard and made their visit happen. We were all so happy they did. My boys were so thrilled to see them. I was very excited for my dad to meet Jonah for the first time, and happy to see my dad since we calculated it had almost been a whole year since I had seen him. They arrived on Thanksgiving day right in time to help us finish up cooking. Which was much appreciated, Sam had picked up a turkey from his friend who has a turkey farm and I told Sam to find out how big the turkey was so we could figure out cooking time I was pretty astounded to hear it was 26lbs. "That's huge!!" I said. "Is it really that big?"Sam asked. Yeah... that is really big turkey. But, as were thawing the bird it noted on the bag it was actually 20lbs. Whew! Dinner turned out quite delicious-if I don't say so myself. And we had lots of leftovers the rest of their trip. We enjoyed the next day by watching Santa fly in on a helicopter at the Old Mill, the new park in town, and then some relaxing time. ( As relaxing as it can be with 4 little boys)  

I am very thankful for my parents. I am grateful for the kind of relationship I have with them. I am thankful that I can still turn to them for advice and every once in a while even be turned too. I am thankful for the family that I grew up with to know I have siblings that have been and will remain to be in each other's corners. I am thankful to be a part of Sam's family. I am thankful for the things that I am learning from them. I am thankful for all those friends near and far who have been a part of my life. They have inspired me and helped me. I am hopeful that I will be considered to always be a friend to them. 

waiting for Santa to arrive

I am so thankful for my boys. To quote Sam one night while praying, "Thankful for Kaj bears, Joshy bears, Rowan bears, and even Jonah bears..." haha! I am thankful for each one of them and even Jonah. Who is actually turning out to be such a sweetheart-a boy that I am enjoying more and more each day. I am very thankful for Sam who is shaping up to be the kind of man I dreamed of. He helps with everything, he is understanding and supportive. I am thankful for the life line that I have with Heavenly Father. I know I can pray to Him any time, any where which seems to be happening more often. I am especially thankful on days where I have an extra slice of "mom guilt." The  days I truly believe that my kids must have lost a bet in heaven to get me as their mom. Usually these are days that I am most disappointed in myself and usually I really don't want to pray because why would He want to hear from me? But, I find that if I do it always makes a positive difference. The song: "I Need Thee Every Hour" pretty much sums up my life in this season. But, knowing I can rely on Heavenly Father is much better than doing this alone.  I am so thankful to know there is a Savior who was willing to atone for us all. I am thankful to know that He knows me perfectly and has felt all the things I have been through. I am working on strengthening both of these relationships. 

I love this time of year. I love the sweet nostalgia of Christmas songs, the fragrance of the tree, the lights on the houses, and the watching snow fall. It feels like a time to reflect and make changes. I am excited to see what our future holidays looks like, but cherish the time now when I have 4 of the sweetest, most handsome, fun, and delightful little boys. 

Kaj shaking Santa's hand