Joshy- 9 months

pretty tuckered to fall asleep in his high chair

Why wouldn't we have a doctor's appointment the week we are moving? I had to schedule Josh's 9 month appointment this week, when I made the appointment the next time they wanted to set it up was some time in January, and it was strange to say we would no longer be here. So, the latest stats on this little peanut are: 16lbs 11 oz putting him in the 15th percentile, he is 50th percentile for height, and his head.."is fine" according to the doctor. He now has two bottom teeth, and one top tooth. He is tongue tied, which we found out a couple months ago, but it hasn't interfered with eating, or babbling. He is still so sweet and so smiley. He is crawling, and is now racing against himself whenever he does, always trying to break the speed barrier! ha! He is pulling himself to stand more and more. One of my favorite things that Josh does, and has done for awhile, whenever he is excited to see someone he gives them a big smile, and throws one of his arms up in the air like he is preparing for a big hug. He is quite the little boy.

Breathe Between Boxes

Truth be told, I am not feeling myself the last few days. I have had a guilt settle as I make our house more and more chaotic. I get the feeling Kaj is trying to make sense of everything going on. It is hard to explain to a 2 year old what is happening with all the boxes. Though, I have explained with tear filled eyes that we would be saying good bye to his friends, and quickly recovered by telling him where we are moving too. "Amma's, and Ampa's." This home is a big deal for many reasons. For Kaj, this is where he made he first friends. Before we moved here, he was too little to care, and now he is used to seeing the sweet faces of these same kids time and time again, I can tell him where we are going- to see Ella, or Crew, or and Henry and Jane, or Cadence and Kennedy (though if he can tell those girls apart he is quite gifted) I know he knows them. And, I also know he likes to be around them. 

 Another big deal is the fact the when we came to New York there was only 3 members of our family, and we are now 4. Josh's first home. I know that Josh will not remember being here. But, I know that there are many friends of mine who will not forget this baby boy. A dear friend of mine left for Christmas vacation before I leave, and witnessing her saying goodbye to Josh was not an easy thing.

I don't do this often but, today I looked around and thought "is this my life?" I am a mom. I started thinking "what could/would I be doing if I wasn't a mom?" Well, the sad truth was as I began throwing myself a grand pity party, I thought "wow..there is nothing else I am really that good at that I could be doing instead, and I am really not that great of  mom, so... this really stinks." It is just one of those days... and  because just like my sleeves where I wear emotions, I also write in the exact honest mood I am in. I will chalk it up to the fact that we are moving, the house now has limited space, I am trying desperately to create normalcy for these little boys, but I believe I am failing them right now.

However, the moment I loaded these pictures to look at the faces of these kids...and being a mom to these two knuckle heads is the joy I can't live without.

This is how Kaj rode in the cart the whole grocery store event ha!

The Merriest Christmas house ever!!

I finally made it to the city! I was so happy to have with me Kim and Terri!

Actually ice skated at the Rockafellar Center

"V" is for...creeper stalker van?

Family Pictures 2012

 Well, I feel like I have taken a forced leave of absence, but I am happy to be back in business! We exchanged taking family pictures with a dear and great friend of mine from Long Island recently. It was a very fun thing to do. It made me feel a lot of pressure taking someone else's family photos...cue Sam, who really did a nice job- the wheels in his head start to spin, and he doesn't really feel pressured with something like that.

We took these pictures on Black Friday. We went up to Avalon, and for those of you who have visited us it is just above the duck pond area. I wasn't sure what I had in mind, but was sure there would be some thing... A door. By a barn. Perfect!!!

I just have a lot of feelings- these days especially. Going back and forth from emotional to sad, to excited to not really wanting to think about how I feel. I wrote a poem when my family was moving from the Sandy house and there is a line that says: "...packing boxes not ever really seeing, exactly what you're leaving" and it can easily get that way. The process of moving can really get time consuming, and meticulous, as you go out on quests throughout your home to organize your belongings as logically as you can. This time, however, I have made sure to stop and think about what I am leaving. I have taken time to think back on the absolute assurance that I had when moving here was the right thing to do. I had really known in my heart that this is where we would grow together as a family. There were never any doubts. But, it has done so much more than just that.
 I have grown. I feel like I will always be able to look back at this time in our lives here and know that this was a turning point.  I feel like I am a much better version of myself. I am happier. I feel confident in who I am--not always, but for the most part.
There will always be people who like you and there will always people who don't. I think it is so important to be on the side of people who do like you. I think finding value in yourself, and knowing that you have what it takes, and sometimes you really won't feel like that, but surrounding yourself by people who really love you, and  truly believe you do have what it takes..is not something to take lightly either. Believe them. If you can't do that...ask Heavenly Father. He will answer you.

oh Kaj bears...

Josh VS Kaj

Well, I finally found a picture of these two crazy boys. About 7 months. I will let you decide!

What's the Joke?

A Good Sport

Everyone has heard of being a good sport. It's nice when you hear that-"you're being a good sport", usually lifts your spirits just enough to keep on being a good sport. Perhaps it is being adaptable, or rolling with the punches, or having a good attitude about something, doing something without complaint, well, Josh wins the "good sport" award. This little boy has been sick for the past couple weeks. He had a cold turned cough, and it has been breaking my heart to hear him. Only to find out after taking him to the doctor he actually has a sinus infection! But, you would never know it to be around him, he is all smiles!! He is so much fun to be around, I watch this kid steal hearts everywhere he goes, because of all these sweet smiles he gives out. Not only that- he lights up! He literally looks like there is always a gleam in his eyes, and I am so thankful to have such a sweet boy! 

I also wanted to add that there is a trend around here on trying to be a good sport. This is a line to get gas...keep in mind this only part of the line, this line goes up the street, and around the corner, and up the street a few more blocks before the gas station. I have had friends now waiting for...(think of a number in your head) No!! 7 hours!! No joke-you definitely are being a good sport to do that. The fuel situation does seem to be improving slightly despite the picture, which was taken today, but it is still, obviously, in high demand. 

So here's to being a good sport, and making the most of your situations!! 

Hurricane Sandy

These pictures are just the tip of the iceberg of the damage that can be seen from really anywhere on Long Island right now. Around every corner there are more trees down, more power cords hanging, and more and more debris. And..ahem..from what you can see these are not small trees. I was driving today and a power post was snapped hanging over,  but hadn't fallen, and cars were just driving by, and I thought "Jeez, that looks like it could give any moment." 

This is our second hurricane since being here in Long Island. The first was built up for a least week, and I caught wind (ha) of Sandy just a couple days prior to it hitting. I was worried, more worried this time than before. I also wanted to feel more prepared than I was before. Though, Hurricane Irene was very built up- it left us without power for 4 days. I kept wondering "are they just building this one up again?" But, the more I learned about it the less I thought that was the case. I am also not meteorologist, I guess I am better off taking their word for it. So I got some much stronger tape than last time-gorilla tape, and we taped up all our windows, moved around the furniture especially the boys room so Kaj would not be sleeping under any windows, I started compiling packs. Packs of updated clothing, packs of warms clothes, bags of food, all that could be easily accessible, and the diaper bag with just diapers filled to the brim, all in the event that if we needed to leave quickly, we could do so. I found myself making sandwiches?..it seemed like a good idea. I made a bread loaf's full of peanut butter and jam sandwiches, in case we needed to leave, also if we didn't have power they would be easy to just take out, and something Kaj would always eat. We got all our water ready, all of our flashlights, headlamps, matches and candles at the ready, also turned our fridge down to the coldest setting...and just..waited. It is a weird thing waiting for the inevitable storm. We were thankful for technology today that would  allow people to prep, otherwise we wouldn't be waiting, we would just be hit.  

So Monday, the day of the hurricane around 2 in the afternoon we lost power. It was still light enough in the house that it wasn't too bad for the boys, and we didn't have to use up our other lights. We moved a bunch of food to the cooler. And, since the real brunt of the storm wasn't supposed to hit till around 6 that night we knew we were still just waiting to see what happened. So we continued being hunkered down. We had a soup on the stove, and suddenly at around 4:30 the lights all turned back on. "No way." Was Sam's reaction. We thought, of course, it was only a matter of time, till we lost power again, but like a miracle. We did not. We streamed the live footage of the storm, were aware of when it had struck land, we could hear the angry winds, and a couple times are lights flickered, but honestly there was calm in our house. I was no longer worried, I know Sam was not worried, because he doesn't get worried like I do, and as long we acted excited about the wind to Kaj "Oohh wow do you hear the wind! Whoa!" he was not scared of anything either. 

As we looked around our neighborhood the following day, it seemed even more amazing that we hadn't lost power. Later we found out that 90% of the island was without...Needless to say, we said a lot of prayers of thanksgiving that day for the tender mercies of Lord to allow us to have power. We helped other people in the ward, and extended our home out to anyone for their power needs. We are still in the thick of recovery from the storm. There are only some gas stations that are up and running, and the ones that have been working are assurely running out of fuel. The lines to get gas are that of an amusement park ride, and is definitely not as fun when you are finally to the end. There are also schools and stores, that have shut down, and it is not yet known when they will open back up. The stocks of food at stores that are open are slowly running out of food as well. 

We are thankful for family and friends that expressed their love and concern for us, and we definitely are grateful for all the prayers. Long Islanders seem to be wanting to lend a helping hand to others, which is a lovely thing to see. We officially made it through hurricane #2, Hurricane Sandy.

A Little bit Halloween, and little bit Country

Kaj and friends

my boys

cowboy Kaj

Looking snuggly! (and sharp after haircut)

The goo man choo (this really is Sam's nickname for Josh)

I wanted to do a quick picture catch up post as well as a small Halloween shout out, before moving on to the hurricane aftermath post which will assuredly come. We were keeping Kaj's hair long for Halloween, because I thought it would fun to do some wild crazy pirate hair. We went to little Halloween party at a friend's house where all the kids wore there costumes...except for Kaj. I thought "well maybe if he sees his friends he'll want too." I brought the costume just incase the mood would strike him...it didn't. He was totally cool just hanging out with the Incredibles, Super Red, Woody, the Statue of Liberty, and Super D like it's an every day thing. So for the next costume event which was the trunk or treat..or church or treat in this case- all day I would ask him and about being a pirate, try and get him really excited about it. Singing pirate songs all day, then I dressed up in a reindeer suit, and Josh as a monkey still thinking "he has got to think this is cool some time." (Me-as a reindeer isn't that the definition of cool? haha) So right before we had to go over to the church it hit me...Kaj can be in costume...in disguise. We have a cowboy hat that Kaj WILL wear, and cowboy shirt, and some jeans. He could be in costume and not even realize it. So, that is exactly what I did. The trunk or treat was a hit! The kids seemed to have a great time, and Kaj scored some major candy. I was so grateful for friends that could help with my boys on a night that Sam would be traveling from Queens late. I would still be at the church cleaning up if it wasn't for them. This is my shout for Halloween!

wild pirate hair

Not only is Josh Crawling...

Haha! You thought I was going to say: "He's climbing stairs!" No...not yet anyways. Eeek!

Go Ahead...Toast em

I got a text from Sam this morning that expressed his gratitude for the things I did, and also an "I love you." Simple, as it was, it uplifted me immediately. I smiled when I saw it, and it made me very happy for the rest of the day. Sam called me on the way home from his rotation tonight at about 10:00 - which, by the way- is in Queens. Sam was listening to a conference talk by Henry B Eyring on the way to Queens, and made him start thinking about Kaj and Josh, and started reflecting on himself. For anyone who knows Sam and I, know we are very different. Not just in just the obvious. (come on! ha) There is also a distinct difference on the topic of emotion. Sam likes to be very logical, and would be the first to admit he would take emotion out of every equation if he could, I....write...poetry. But, as he made observations about Kaj and noted how very sweet he is, and what a tender hearted kid he is, it made him realize the extra attention he wanted to show him, and how much he wanted Kaj to always know "that his papa slims" loves him. I, also pointed out that Josh is very tender hearted too, Sam isn't around little Josh every day to identify how early this trait has manifested itself in him. We felt it is so important as parents to nourish this piece of our boys-the world is going to be hard enough. Sam mentioned that he has always been independent (which, of course, I know very well), and he doesn't need to be told he is loved (I do tell him), and he often doesn't understand when people do, but realized that, that doesn't mean he shouldn't do it, and that he would try to do it more to me and the boys. I wanted to share the thought that I also shared with Sam. It doesn't take any time out of your day, it isn't some thing that is physically hard to do, and if you know that you will make the person/people you love happy then why not just do it? I feel like little things so often go such a long way. I am not ashamed to say that I am emotional, I do find value emotions, I will also say I definitely have an ever growing appreciation to logic. I will probably always opt for being kind to someone than being objective. I will probably never hesitate to apologize if I have hurt someone's feelings, or give a hug to someone who is sad. I am thankful for Sam, I am thankful when he comes to new realizations- and this is not to say I am right- it is just to say that he is the kind of person who is always wanting to grow, and learn, and improve. So boys-when you read this one day- your dad loves you. So so so very very much.

I spy...

It is official!! First two teeth!

ByGosh MyJosh

A little update about this ever growing boy. It turns out even sweet little boys like Josh can be quite a handful. Josh seems to be drawn to stairs, power cords, bathrooms, tight corners, and under tables. As he is become quite mobile, he gets himself into tight situations all the time. He get trapped under tables, and in between walls and laundry baskets, I reroute this kid countless times a day from his attempts to get to anything in an outlet. Josh is on the go, and very curious, he is usually not happy very long hanging out where we are aka where the party is at, if we are in the bedroom he wants to go into the bathroom or by the stairs, if we are in the living room he wants to be in kitchen or in the den, (which has a step down to get in) and, even though he has been getting up on one step I am gonna throw this out there and say he doesn't know how to get down... He loves textures, and we will hear him scratching away before he goes to sleep or in the morning on the pack n play, which, when I got him this morning, he had scratched up his cute little nose. So I have to say bygosh myjosh- he is all over the place! Kaj and Josh are starting to hang out more, I see Josh watching everything Kaj does, and often smiling at him, and Kaj will sometimes get and crawl beside Josh. There was a moment where Kaj was trying to pick Josh up, and he was doing mighty man grunts to indicate, of course, that he was just too heavy to pick up, so I said, "Yeah, Josh is big."And then, the next moment Kaj was sitting on Josh wanting a pony ride, and I had to say "You can't sit on Josh, he's too little...." It would get confusing.

A Morning with the Goo

 Last night, right before Sam came to bed, he went and checked on Kaj, which he typically does. Then he came in and said "I don't know why Kaj keeps wanting to be in his crib?" Sam had a heard something in Kaj's room, and then found Kaj transferring all of his things to then sleep in his crib. He is random, and he will go 3-4 nights where he will be in his big kid bed no problem, and then one night decide to climb in his crib.
This morning at 6:15-not a typical time- we heard Kaj wake up, which nowadays he wakes up and will play in his room for a real long while. The real hold up on playing in his room if he puts himself in his crib is while he has mastered getting in, he has not learned the dark art of getting out. So, moments later we heard a loud THUD followed by crying, and we both knew what had happened, he is my child and with no grace had toppled over the side. He was totally fine. He then grabbed his bunny, his blanket, and went into our room. A real party, obviously. So later in the morning while I was showering I could hear Kaj's little feet trampling back and forth in the hallway...oh boy what is he doing? I thought. When I returned to our room he had been getting all of his bed time things and taking them to our bed. haha!! He had made himself right at home.  haha!

Entering the Construction Zone

 We then had major plans to go to the library for one of their drop in programs. I have become a big fan of the library for their kid programs, and it is something that we do regularly. We walked in, the lady asked if Kaj wanted a hat, which the answer is always "of course!" to a mom who wants their kid to wear a cute, silly hat that is too big, and we went to work!  Today's activity...the construction zone. They had a lot of different building type toys to play with. So we built with some blocks and some big puzzle squares (pictured below, I obviously don't know the real name of them) and made a poorly constructed house, but we had fun. I have to say there are times that I realize just how sweet of boy I have, and today was another one of those days. I really do love my Kaj bears.

what a pucker?!

Party me harty!

Birthdays. It used to be really exciting. I don't know at what age you start loosening your collar and gulping audibly (isn't the typical response?) , and thinking it would just be better that no one would remember it was your birthday, you are convinced that if no one remembers it is your birthday then you actually don't have one and you remain the same age. No harm, no fowl. But, in reality, you do still in fact, turn a year older regardless. It was 24 that I felt like it was starting to get weird, but officially 26 that I was not stoked about it. Sam has spent the days prior to birthday teasing me about turning "the dirty 30."I don't know what makes the the 30 dirty, but I still was not happy about him adding that year to my life. I am not 30, and will hang out to the last year of my 20's, and hopefully go down in style by the end of it. When I woke up yesterday, and had my regular oatmeals in the morning, and then quickly  spilled oatmeal all over the floor, I thought...huh, if this is this an indicator of the day, wow, pretty awesome.

this is how Kaj at his ice cream cake 

messy face aftermath

I must say though, it was actually a very enjoyable day. I started with pilates, which I really do like a lot. And then, a lovely friend of mine, insisted I get out of the house while she watched the boys, but not before giving me the fuzziest, coziest earmuffs on the planet. I treated myself to getting my toes done, which I had not done by myself. Sam brought home sushi, Dora the Explorer party hats, and an ice cream cake. Josh wore his party hat, Kaj blew out the candle, and I had a moment of such thankfulness for my all of my sweet boys. I then went to volleyball as per my usual Thursday, but found the net decorated, and the girls...decorated as well. Wearing party too-toos and funny hats, and handed me my own party wear. We volleyed, went out for a little treat, and talked until the night closed in. It was such a good day! I was feeling so thankful, so blessed, and so not 29. Eek! (seeing it written is weird) So despite my age, I am happy. I am excited to be to reflect, and be thankful for the experiences I have had to learn, and to grow, and to appreciate. 

First time fitting into his "little brother" shirt

but I don't want to be a pirate

In other news, we tried on Kaj's Halloween costume, and he hated it's guts. He did not want to be a pirate. I am really hoping that he will come around, because there is nothing else on the menu. 

Beauty and the Beast

Fall is here!

neen's legs spinning not pictured

I went to my first ever spinning class today. It just happened to be at a convenient time, and my friend had said that she enjoyed it, and what the heck! I'll try it! I entered the class a few minutes late, because I had to drop off my kids at the nursery, and I hopped on the nearest bike so not to disturb. I first looked around the small class, at the instructor and thought... why do we need an instructor? We're all just sitting here riding on our stationary bikes, we're all going nowhere fast, and it seems like just as easy to go find yourself a stationary bike without the classroom setting, and just spin if that's what you really wanted to do. I learned the reasons why. For 1. I would have stopped. I would have stopped going maybe 15 minutes in. Just because, I would have said to myself, "boy do I have a lot to do today, and I am literally getting nowhere with this." Check and mark. I would have been done. But, how silly would it have been had I left 15 minutes in, in the spinning class. Silly. Number 2. As the instructor had  us turn up the heat (add more and more tension) and my legs began to burn, and turn into limp noodles I knew I probably also wouldn't have pushed myself that hard either. A little motivation goes a long way, or a short way depending on your bike. As you can probably tell I do find humor in the exercise machines that have you going nowhere. haha! It was odd, and still is odd to me but the instructor keeps the room dark?  It made it difficult figuring out how to work my spinner at first. Is it dark because it would get to hot? Or because people are getting so sweaty it's gross? Or because it will keep others from judging how much you are actually moving your tension nob? I do not believe that is the technical term. But, I did like it. I will go again. It really was a beast of a work out. As the instructor described hills, and the scenic view once we made it to the top of these hills, it made me want a real bike.