A week ago I attended a funeral of a friend I went to high school with. It was strange finding out he had died, and thinking back on what I remembered of him. We had lost touch, but for some reason this last month he had come to my mind frequently. I even thought I should really get in contact with him again. That I wanted to reach out. But then in those moments where I really thought about what would I even say after all this time, or doubted that he would really care hearing from me I would talk myself out of it. Sometimes, I feel like I am better off running with the instinct of my thoughts, or the spontaneity of that moment, because now, I really will not have the chance to reconnect with him.
The funeral was different than what I am used too, but a good service for him. It was intended to be casual, and that anyone who wanted to talk, could get up and say something. Sitting there, I thought, what should I say? I don't know why I think that way? I always feel like I should say something. (I did not get up and say anything for my family members who read this, and get anxiety with the thought) But all I can say is that this taught me to reach out more. It made me grateful for all the friendships I have had in my life. For the friendships I still have, but perhaps they may not know how important they really are to me, because that Renlund side of me comes out and I shy away from chances to reconnect. I have been fortunate to know that people I have known. The theme of the day was probably the fact that he didn't judge others like most people did, that he always wished the best for every one, and that he made everyone around feel important.
I went with my friend who I grew up with, and was happy that I was with her, because she is a bit of an alien in the way that she does not show much emotions, and she was able to lighten the atmosphere by talking about normal things. We spent most of the time talking to J'ames best friend. They were the kind of friends that were never without the other. In the construction of a sentence you would always find both their names side by side. That's how I remembered them. They walked everywhere, and they were friends with everyone. They did not belong to cliques, they took every one at face value, and therefore did not limit themselves. I was happy to listen to their adventures together in Europe when they joined the circus, and they didn't have any money, and they sat on the bus with this old man who kept spitting sunflower seeds on the floor by them, and how every night they would write in this journal that they both shared. They always had the most hilarious stories, and I was glad that had held true to the end.
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