Awesome Oregon

So the whole family got to go with Sam to a couple interviews in Oregon. We went there in  hopes of a job, obviously, but it was also very nice to be together with our little family. Despite what it entails traveling with kids it didn't feel that stressful. The boys were very good. They were good on the plane rides, and throughout some of the long car rides, going from different hotels, setting up our new "house", and they rolled with the punches every step of the way. We had our first interview in Bend. Bend, Oregon apparently is the place to be. So we were told be everyone we came across while we were there. People just loved living there, and would express just how happy they were there whenever they got the chance, which was cool. People who love the place they live generally take care of it. There was river that people would float down, there were waterfalls and short little hikes easy enough for kids, every body had a bike whether it was a nice road bike (which Sam can define the "nice" part) or just a little bike with a basket attached to it-people would be riding a long. There seemed to be a lot to do in this little place, and we really enjoyed the atmosphere. We are crossing our fingers still to hear something from Bend.

The second one was in Hermiston, and as my friend kindly put it- it sounds like STD. Nice. Though it did not appeal to us in the same ways, the group there was great. They were not interested in playing the "game" of business-they liked Sam- so they offered him a job the next day after having dinner with them. We still have time to make our decision, and we should hear from a couple more within a few days. 

It will be new, again, but hopefully good. It is hard for me, because as I have done this before moving to New York, and it was so wonderful in New York I am afraid to be let down. I am not going into to anything thinking I will be let down, however, I am also not going into it thinking it will be the same either- perhaps it could also be wonderful in a different way. I have to envision myself there with a new baby, hoping my boys will make friends, hoping I will make friends, and hoping it will strengthen our family. I will update as we make our decision. 

Splash pad in Hermiston

Fish Hatchery 

Funny Brothers

A lot of Little Josh

I have wanted to do an update on little Joshy. Frankly, this kid cracks me up every single day, and he is so easy to be around. He is happy and content with most everything, and when he isn't happy it is usually very short lived, and quite on the humorous side, and rarely frustrating. He wanders every where, and it doesn't matter whether he has company or not-he will go. He is fearless with his wanderings which always creates more fear in the mom. He loves to "reorganize" He likes to replace DVDs into various cupboards, shoes in different baskets, make water bottles more easily accessible, and of course, consolidate all of Jack's dog food into his water bowl. Haha. He is very helpful. He follows directions, and is the first to put clothes in the dirty clothes, and throw things in the garbage-which also means I find many a diaper in the hamper, and luckily (crossing fingers) I have caught all those diapers before they have gone into the washing machine. Josh loves trying things on. He loves getting into my mom's hat basket and stroll around in different hats, he likes to wear all glasses he runs across, he has sported Sam's stethoscope on occasion, and is now is making funny attempts to put his own clothes on. When things go missing Josh is usually the culprit which really means it could be anywhere, and mostly likely will be tucked away in a drawer inside of the water bottle that obviously makes sense. He loves to dance, and has a lot of great moves, that seriously -where does he come up with this stuff? Every song is his favorite song. He loves doing "wheels on the bus" especially when the doors open and shut, and also "itsy bitsy spider" but, he is very quick to jump to the end of the song, and start clapping joyfully. Because of his great attitude, this in turn has made Kaj look like a bit of a drama queen, not because we are telling Kaj he is drama queen, or even looking at him like that but Josh will often look over at Kaj when he is upset and just smile, or laugh like "it's cool, bro, it's cool." (I do not think that he will actually talk like that) So needless to say, I had to do an update on this kid, because I really don't think there is much cooler out there than Josh. I feel every one could use a little Josh in their life.

(On a side side note my last blog expressed excitement for the next phase of our lives to begin, because of a job that Sam the morning I wrote that blog, said that he was going to be accepting. So in the meantime, he turned it down. There is not much I can say about it right now, and that is why I am not writing about it.)

Sneak Peak

I have been sick. I have been tired. I have been so low energy, and pretty dang moody. And, of course there is a reason for all this. Baby #3...is baking away. This freaks me out a little just saying it- so hopefully I can get used to is as time goes on. This has felt somewhat unreal to me, and I have not put tons of thought into it, because I am simply thinking of all the ducks that are not in a row yet, and those dang ducks had better line up! We have a job offer...as of this morning Sam is taking it. I want him to be happy and excited about taking it, because I would be happy and excited about it. Not because the job is best, just because it represents the new part of our lives beginning to take shape. It means we can begin to plan, and think more about our future, and our family. We have been so grateful for the support of family at this time. We are grateful to have gotten through PA school. Sam still has the boards to take- which are a week from today, but he has been studying very hard, and I am certain he will do well, despite how hard it is. 

As for this little one...I was very happy to you on the ultrasound, it made me forget about the ducks. I was smiling to see you wiggle around, and stretch your little hands, and feet. I was so happy the moment I saw you. So, that has got to mean something. 

Dear Blog,

I feel like when I used to write in a journal and it had been so long that I ended up apologizing to my journal. "Dear Journal, sorry it has been so long..." as if the journal lost sleep not hearing from me. In this case, my blog may have lost some sleep, or shed some tears, because it has been so long.

A week ago I attended a funeral of a friend I went to high school with. It was strange finding out he had died, and thinking back on what I remembered of him. We had lost touch, but for some reason this last month he had come to my mind frequently. I even thought I should really get in contact with him again. That I wanted to reach out. But then in those moments where I really thought about what would I even say after all this time, or doubted that he would really care hearing from me I would talk myself out of it. Sometimes, I feel like I am better off  running with the instinct of my thoughts, or the spontaneity of that moment, because now, I really will not have the chance to reconnect with him.

The funeral was different than what I am used too, but a good service for him. It was intended to be casual, and that anyone who wanted to talk, could get up and say something. Sitting there, I thought, what should I say? I don't know why I think that way? I always feel like I should say something. (I did not get up and say anything for my family members who read this, and get anxiety with the thought) But all I can say is that this taught me to reach out more. It made me grateful for all the friendships I have had in my life. For the friendships I still have, but perhaps they may not know how important they really are to me, because that Renlund side of me comes out and I shy away from chances to reconnect.  I have been fortunate to know that people I have known. The theme of the day was probably the fact that he didn't judge others like most people did, that he always wished the best for every one, and that he made everyone around feel important. 

I went with my friend who I grew up with, and was happy that I was with her, because she is a bit of an alien in the way that she does not show much emotions, and she was able to lighten the atmosphere by talking about normal things. We spent most of the time talking to J'ames best friend. They were the kind of friends that were never without the other. In the construction of a sentence you would always find both their names side by side. That's how I remembered them. They walked everywhere, and they were friends with everyone. They did not belong to cliques, they took every one at face value, and therefore did not limit themselves. I was happy to listen to their adventures together in Europe when they joined the circus, and they didn't have any money, and they sat on the bus with this old man who kept spitting sunflower seeds on the floor by them, and how every night they would write in this journal that they both shared. They always had the most hilarious stories, and I was glad that had held true to the end. 

Happy Happy Father's Day!

This weekend was a strange one, because it was a weekend that comes along very rarely for me. I spent time away with my sisters and my mom. A girls weekend at it's best. My mom and I kicked it off right on Friday afternoon starting with getting our toes done, of course! And, then the fun just continued from there. But, instead of coming home Saturday night, I spent another night..with Sam's blessing. Actually when I called him to make sure he was really ok with this plan he said: "wasn't it always the plan for you to come home Sunday morning?" Um..yes, yes it was. It was definitely a different kind of Father's day. But, I missed my boys more than I'd like to even admit. Especially that last day, I wanted to look at their sweet faces, and listen to everything Kaj had to say, even if it was repeated oh, so many times. Sam had to tell me more than once: you are on vacation! Go be on vacation. But, isn't the purpose of a vacation supposed to make you feel refreshed, and rejuvenated so you can go back home, and be happier and a better you? Well, it definitely made me appreciate my boys.

When I did get home we were able to give Sam the gifts from the boys as planned. Kaj has been excited about Father's Day for days. I am so thankful for the dad's in my life. I am so thankful for Sam. He is a great dad, who loves our boys, and wants so much for them, and wants to give them the very best. He is always trying to improve himself, and it striving to be a good example to our boys. I know they will value learning, and setting high goals because of Sam. We are learning together, and the boys will prove to give us a run for our money for that- I am certain, for every time we get one challenge down, it is on to the next- but, that is life. And there is joy in it.

I also am so grateful for my dad. He is funny character. He is hard working, and loving. He is kind, and welcoming to all, he can be found talking to strangers in the grocery store and laughing easily. He is contemplative, and genuinely concerned and wanting to help everyone in the family. He is good one. I am very happy to have him as my dad, and don't think you can get much better.

So Happy Father's Day to the dad's! Trying their darnest every day, and for loving the mom's. That's an important dad quality to have.

Boys and Sand

It is starting to warm up outside it has been nice so far. This means two things: we have been hitting the park a lot more, and I got my first sunburn for the season. We go to Draper park, and there is the giant sandbox-possibly for sand volleyball? Yes, that would make the most sense. We moseyed over, and I was well aware that once we got to the sand I was in it for a the long hall. Kaj and I joined Josh and adopted the barefoot look. I have to admit there is something about being barefoot in the sand, it doesn't even have to be the sand that has a view of the ocean (which, let's be honest is the best kind), it apparently can also be a giant sandbox in the middle of a park that can do that trick. It is just nice to sink your feet into. I sat with my boys, as they dug their fingers, their faces straight into the dirt, and tried burying everything from shoes to themselves in it, and laughed. Boys. Ha! 

There has been so much going on lately, and probably even more in my head and my heart. So much that it is hard to unravel each thought. So this time...I won't try. 

But the facts are: Sam has 5 weeks left! Meaning 1 rotation left!- I am so excited! And, I know he is too. It has been hard work, and if  I can give myself some credit, for both of us. 

I have been working 2 jobs to alleviate stresses, but it turns out I don't like to be treated like garbage especially if it is in front of lots of people (ha!) and so I am down to one job as of...today.

I am very very grateful for my parents. They are kind and they are loving. And, they have opened their lives and home to us. My mom reminds me that she has really enjoyed having us there- which has been a loving reminder, and usually come at time where I start to wonder how in the way we must be.

I love my boys. I love all 3 of them. I love Kaj and Josh and the happiness they bring with just a smile. They truly do have my heart. I know that these are the people who will love me, and know that I am doing my best.

I try to be better every day. Sometimes it doesn't work. But, every once in a while at the end of the day you can give yourself a small pat on the back, because you really do feel like you were a better you. Those are good feeling days.

I love having a personal relationship with Heavenly Father. I love that I can talk to Him, and cry to Him, and know He knows me so well, and He knows best how to comfort me. A small tender mercy in just that. 

Fly Away

 Sometimes I try to think about or try to remember what it was like to be a kid, to have the worries of a kid. What toy should come with me to the store? Should I get stories read to me, or should I just look at the pictures? It's a very beautiful thing. There was a moment in the day where I was sad, sad enough to be crying, mostly for the non kid worries- and before I brought my kids in from the car I looked at Kaj and smiled at him tearfully, and was relieved he didn't notice. Kaj usually will tell me when any child is crying anywhere we go if there is, in fact, a child crying. I guess he doesn't notice unless it is loud wailing cries- which I was not doing. ha! I started thinking about the lesson in relief society on Sunday,  wondering at what point do you apologize for who you are. It is a miracle that I was able to gain anything from it considering I was probably in the room for a total of 20 minutes, and interrupted, because I spent most of it out in the hall with Joshy. The topic was gifts of spirit, well, that's the part I got from it. We talked about what it was to have the gift of charity, and to pray for that gift, that it isn't enough to say "this is just in my nature, and I can't change who I am." Hence my question to myself.
So, needless to say after Sunday I have prayed every night for the spirit of charity. It has taken me awhile to learn that charity doesn't just mean being charitable, it encompasses so much more. "Charity suffereth long.." so has patience, when that was said Sunday I was like: "yeah, I could use some more of that!" Decision made: charity it is! Haha! I won't quote the scripture I am thinking of word for word (it's Moroni 7:45) but, if I could truly possess all that is the spirit of charity, I feel like there would be happiness all around. I really want to strive more fully to uplift people around me. I am grateful that I was able to catch the message that perhaps, I was supposed to hear on Sunday.